Marking time
by Emmy92
Summary: As Shannon deals with the aftermath of her attack, the team are left reeling in the wake of michaels death. How will they respond when they discover Shannon's secret? Can shannon and Lawson survive and will the whole truth ever surface? NEW UPDATE EVERYONE, I'M BACK!
1. Monday, 6:12am

_Monday 6:12am_

_As the sun crept over the horizon, the morning light flooded Shannon's living room. Slowly her eyes adjusted to the brightness of her apartment._

"Ergh" she groaned, her head pounding. She didn't remember much from the night before but figured it was much like every other night in the last week. In the wake of Michaels death, Stella had started turning up at Shannon's almost every night with a bottle of tequila. Stella needed the company and although Shannon would never admit it, she had begun to feel scared to be home without someone else there. They would talk very little and never about their troubled thoughts and drink an awful lot until eventually they were either to tired, drunk or sick to continue. Shannon sat up and saw Stella lying on the lounge floor. Stella had been too drunk the night before to even make it to the other couch.

"Stell" Shannon said loudly as Stella remained unresponsive on the ground. "Stella" she repeated louder.

"Piss off" Stella mumbled

"Stella wake up" Shannon said as she turned to look at the clock.

_6:14am._

"No Stella really, wake up, we have 15 minutes to get to work."

"Oh, shit" Stella suddenly said as tried to stand up, only somewhat successfully. "Ergh, I think I'm going to be sick" she mumbled as she half ran- half stumbled to the bathroom.

"Charlie's gunna kill us if we're late and seriously Stella, I don't need him on my back again"

"You do know it's because you let Lexie go right? If you had just...

"Shut up Stella, I don't want to talk about Lexie ok. Find your bag, we're leaving."

Five minutes later Shannon followed Stella outside, slamming the door behind her.

"Ergh, Shannon, door slamming...really? Stella grimaced at her.

"Whatever" Shannon replied uncaringly. That's what Shannon did, she slammed doors and left herself on one side and everyone who cared about her on the other. And she wasn't planning on letting anyone in anytime soon. Or, at least that's what she thought...

**A/N- Thought I'd let you read it before I did bothered you with an author's note. So, this is a very short update and it's my first ff! I kind of know where it's going but let me know if you think I should continue writing or just return to my role of reviewing everyone else's stories! **


	2. A Fine Romance

_6:37am _

"Nice of you to join us ladies, hope we aren't keeping you from a pressing engagement at the pub" Charlie said sarcastically as Shannon and Stella walked in.

"Rack off Charlie, we're only a few minutes late. Shannon had to pick me up on the way, my car broke down."

"Rack off? That's how you talk to your commanding officer? Are you kidding me Senior Constable? This is the third time you have been late this week"

"oh, come on Charlie, ease up. Shit happens. We are 7 minutes late, feel free to doc our pay, but in the mean time, how about we all just get over ourselves and get on with it" Stella raised her voice at Charlie, her pounding headache and lack of sleep making her increasingly irate.

"I'm sick of both of you acting like you are above the rules" Charlie yelled back "And I'm sick of everyone here only doing things when it suits them."

"Stop yelling" Shannon screamed in a wavering voice.

Both stunned by her sudden outburst, Stella and Charlie turned to look at Shannon as Lawson and Kerry strolled in to the locker room.

"We all right in here?" Kerry questioned as she walking into the visibly tense situation. She looked quizzically at Charlie who was now glaringly angrily at Stella. "Right, what's going on with you two?"

"Nothing" they both said in unison.

Lawson scoffed, slightly pleased at Charlies increasing inability to control Stella and the team as an awkward silence crept over the room.

With the distraction of Kerry and Lawson, Shannon had quietly slipped out into the bathroom. She had tried to stay calm and in control but the more Charlie yelled, all she could think about was Frank shouting abuse at her. She ran into a shower cubicle and bolted the door shut. The more she tried to stop thinking about everything, the worse she felt. The pressure of the last few weeks building up in her head and the memories she had so carefully attempted to hide, sent Shannon into a panic. As her breaths quickened she knew she was in trouble. She sat on the small shelf in the shower room and unsuccessfully attempted to steady her breathing. As she struggled to breathe all she wanted was Lawson. As much as she had pushed him away in the last few weeks, he was all she wanted. But had she waited too long to tell him? He would be angry she hadn't told him and what if he never wanted to see her again? What if he didn't want to touch her? what if...

"_What if he doesn't love me anymore?"_ Shannon whispered out loud to no-one. Her breathing had calmed down to an almost normal level and she felt hot tears on her cheeks.

"Shit" she quickly wiped the tears away.

"Shannon, you in here?" Stella yelled from the bathroom door.

"Yeah. Ergh, Stella why did we drink so much last night? I feel like a thousand piece brass band has set up shop in my head. "

"I'm fairly sure the world is punishing me for drinking by sticking me with Charlie in TR1 for the next 9 hours."

"Stella, that isn't the world punishing you for drinking. Charlie is."

"Whatever, I have plans to piss him off so bad for the rest of the day he is going to wish he had Christian and his bird calls back. Why are you still locked in the bathroom? You get to spend all day with Lawson and Christian in TR2."

"great" Shannon mumbled emerging from the cubicle.

"wow" Stella said. "you really do look like shit."

"Nice Stel, thanks for that."

"Look, I know we said no questions but..."

"Yeah, we did" Shannon interrupted, "so no questions" she told Stella as she quickly left the bathroom and walked straight into Lawson who had been hovering outside.

"You right there Lawson?'' she asked annoyed

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok" he said softly

"I'm fine" she replied bluntly, "let's go"

"You're always fine" he whispered to Shannon's retreating form.

"Lawson. She's not fine." Stella said as she walked up behind Lawson.

"I know. And she refuses to tell me why." Lawson sighed as they both watched Shannon silently walk towards TR2 and he nervously ran a hand through his hair. He watched her carefully, scrutinizing every step she took. _She almost looks like it's painful for her to walk _he thought to himself.

"Enjoying another mothers club meeting are we Stella?" Charlie asked as he approached Stella and Lawson who were both still standing outside the bathroom, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Not yet," Stella replied "The fun never starts until you're here Charlie."

"You planning on keeping this up all day Stella?" Charlie asked

"Well luckily for you, you decided to move me to TR1 with you this morning so I guess we're going to find out aren't we." She grinned and walked away leaving Charlie annoyed and Lawson smirking.

"Sucker" Lawson said as he walked to TR. "Right, we all ready?" Lawson asked, looking directly at Shannon. She looked away from him, avoiding his eye contact.

Lawson sighed as Shannon looked away from him completely. _I'll take that as a no_, he thought.

**A/N- Sorry for the time between updates! With Christmas and all that, I've had very little time! I hope you all had an excellent festive season and enjoy the new year. Review, advise...whatever! :)**


	3. Trust me

**Hi all you awesome people. So here is my weekly update, I know it ends at an awkward kind of spot but I felt there were too many things going on so I'll try and update in the next few days with the second part of the chapter. Thanks for your reviews, they are super nice and make me uber happy! With the exception of the first chapter (which is actually more like a prologue), the chapter names are based on songs that I had in mind when I was writing the chapter.**

**Anyway, let me know what you think. Leave me comments or whatever :)**

* * *

><p>As the whistles and cow bells of the Angry Birds theme floated through TR1, Stella stole a glance at Charlie's increasingly angry face and chuckled to herself.<p>

She quickly typed a text to Shannon and hit send; _Listen in on coms. Charlie is one puffy, animated bird away from having a stroke. _

"You know what I don't get?" Christian informed everyone out loud.

"What's that Christian?" Charlie said before continuing on without an answer, "how anyone can play a game on their phone for 2 hours straight and completely ignore their superiors? A very annoying game. With very loud sound effects."

"Well Charlie. You were the one that insisted Christian join us in TR1 and therefore not allow me to drive," Stella joined the conversation. She knew that Charlie had only brought Christian in to stop Stella continuously talking at him, no matter how many time he asked her not to.

"You are supposed to be using this time to finish your notes on this morning. Not sit around playing Angry Birds" Charlie said as he turned around angrily to see Stella grinning. "Stop laughing, this is not funny"

"I disagree. I find you thoroughly amusing,'' Stella said as she snapped a photo of Charlie on her iPhone. "Haha, oh Charlie that's a keeper. It's so good, you could almost be one of the angry birds!"

Charlie scowled darkly and turned back to face the road, fuming with Stella but staying silent so as not to encourage her.

"Anyway," Christian began, "I don't get why a 17 year old would go into school at 6:30am to try and get a copy of an exam by locking themselves in the principal's office. I mean, she could have studied for the exam, sat it and had it corrected in the time it probably took her to plan and carry out the world's most ridiculous sit in. All she got out of it was a record with the police and an expulsion."

"Why were we called anyway, surely general duties could have dealt with it." Stella voiced

"There was a report she had a gun so of course we would respond. You know Stella, do our jobs" Charlie said sarcastically.

"A gun, Charlie? It was a water pistol."

"Yes, thank-you. I was there."

* * *

><p>As the debate continued in TR1, Shannon and Lawson were patrolling the streets around Elwood in silence. Lawson glanced sideways at Shannon who was looking directly ahead at the road, a glassy look in her eyes. She looked so tired he thought to himself. He hadn't shared with anyone else just how concerned he was about Shannon, even Josh.<p>

"Can we stop and get a coffee?" Shannon asked, pulling Lawson from his thoughts.

"Um yeah, sure. There's a nice"

"place on the corner. I know. We went to breakfast there" Shannon began

"For my birthday" Lawson finished. "I remember" he smiled both at the memory and at the fact Shannon had been thinking about it too. He could see the smallest of smiles on her lips before it was quickly gone again.

As they sat at the table waiting for their coffees, Lawson considered just asking Shannon straight out what was going on. For once in his life he didn't have the answers and it infuriated him.

"Two coffees," the waitress said as she approached the table.

"Thanks" Lawson said as he and Shannon both reached for the same cup.

"Oh, sorry" he said as his hand brushed Shannon's, "here" he said handing her the coffee.

"Thanks" Shannon replied before drinking the coffee in two mouthfuls.

"Shan," Lawson said in shock.

"What?" she asked, "I was thirsty"

Lawson just looked at her. She was the most confusing person he knew but, he couldn't help it...

"I love you Shannon" he said softly and put his hand on hers and was happy when she didn't pull away from him.

"Lawson...I...just...I..." Shannon stuttered as she could feel tears forming in her eyes and turned away from Lawson so he wouldn't see.

"Shannon, please don't look away," Lawson almost begged. "Just for once, talk to me. I don't care if you cry or yell or scream, just please don't act like I don't care. I love you."

Shannon cleared her throat and turned back to Lawson, "I'm not crying" she said defensively. She was exhausted from attempting to keep her secret. She hadn't slept properly for weeks and was fairly sure she still had a few broken ribs from her attack that weren't healing.

She sighed and looked into his eyes, as she leaned her elbow on the table and rested her head on her left hand. "I just, I, don't really know...what to say," Shannon stammered quietly "You make me feel safe. And I love you. I just need you to know both those things."

"Okay," Lawson responded confused.

"Guys, we have a call out to the Queen Vic Market, there is a couple of gangs hanging around causing trouble. Lawson, Shannon...how soon can you be there?" Charlie's voice came over the coms.

At once their moment was lost. Shannon pulled her hand away from Lawson's and stood up quickly, "Yeah Charlie we'll be there in about 15" she responded over the coms and began to run to the car.

Lawson sighed and mentally cursed Charlie, frustrated that his moment with Shannon was lost.

"Shannon, what were you going to tell me?" he asked as Shannon weaved through traffic with the sirens blaring 8 minutes later. Lawson had considered not raising the discussion, but as he played the conversation over in his head he had to know why the woman he loved was suddenly acting like he didn't matter.

"Not really the time Lawson. I'm a bit busy if you haven't noticed." Shannon replied sternly, hoping Lawson would drop the matter.

"Fine. But can we please finish our conversation after work?" he practically begged, in desperation.

"Just let me concentrate Lawson. It was nothing big anyway." She responded.

Lawson sighed and looked out the window, frowning. "Right, I forgot, you're fine." He said emphasizing the word fine.

Shannon turned and looked at him, not quite sure what to say. "Whatever," she scoffed and turned back to face the road. She felt empty without Lawson. She wasn't even sure why she kept pushing him away. She loved him and trusted him more than anyone she'd ever know. Then again, at some point she had trusted Frank too, and look where that had got her.

* * *

><p>"What have we got?" Lawson asked as he jumped out of TR.<p>

"VKC report of three Caucasian males, dressed in identical black hoodies and baseball caps. Allegedly, forced their way over the counter at the lolly store on the corner. Forced the staff to hand over all the takings. Then, they smashed most of the glass jars, including 3 they threw at the sales assistants." Christian rattled off to Lawson.

"They smashed glass jars? Did they want the whole world to know they were robbing the place?" Lawson replied

"Well general duties have been interviewing witness' who said the men thought that smashing the jars was hilarious." Stella scoffed

"And for that attitude Stella, you can go and help General Duties interview the rest of the witnesses." Charlie ordered.

There was a flash of anger across Stella's face before she replied sarcastically, "I'd love to"

"Lawson, get onto Leon and see if we can start working out where these jokers went. Shannon, the two shop girls are hysterical, you need to calm them down and get them to talk."

"I don't think I'd..." Shannon began to say

"Not interested Shannon, come on everyone hurry it up" Charlie said dismissively before turning his back on the team and heading towards the Senior Sergeant that was first on scene.


	4. Light surrounding you

**Hey everyone. So, yesterday was my birthday and therefore no updating was done this week! And now ASUS have my computer so they can try and fix the many, many issues it has. I pinched my brothers computer for this update but as a result it's not as long as I had anticipated. And I left it and a sort of cliffhanger. It appears lots of people are reading this story but very few are reviewing. I don't know if it's because you think the story sucks or you just can't be bothered but I'm kinda hoping it's the latter of the two! So let me know what you think and if I should continue...Thanks muchly :)**

"Ok, is there anything else that you can tell me about the two guys" Shannon asked the crying sales girl before her.

"No" she replied as a trail of blood slowly trickled down her face, where the glass was still embedded.

"Right, well I'll have to ask you a few more questions later at the hospital if that's ok?" Shannon said before allowing to the paramedics to treat the girl.

"You get anything out of her?" Charlie asked as Shannon walked over to where he and Lawson were standing.

"Charlie, she is a witness not a bloody suspect" Shannon said angrily. "And she has glass embedded in half her face so no, I didn't get much out of her and to be honest, I understand why."

As Shannon stormed off to the back of the ambulance where Stella was standing, Charlie turned to Lawson.

"What the hell is going on with her?"

"Don't ask me. She never tells me anything," Lawson replied more bitterly than he intended. "But she did have a point," he said simply before walking away, feeling a sudden need to defend Shannon. He watched her talking to Stella, rubbing the back of her neck. It was something she always did when she had a headache or was stressed he thought worridly to himself.

* * *

><p>"Haha, Charlie looks pissed with you. This is why we are friends." Stella said as Shannon walked towards her.<p>

"Yeah well Charlie can get stuffed" Shannon responded in a flat tone, "I am sick of his shit"

"And now Lawson is looking at you like someone killed his puppy." Stella observed

"I know, he's been looking at me like that for weeks. It's pissing me off."

"You could always tell him what's wrong. You know, talk about things with people"

"Nothing is wrong Stella, I'm fine." Shannon defended

"Shan, you have said the word fine, so many times in the last week that it doesn't even sound like a word anymore." Stella said in a matter of fact way. "Anyway" she continued, seeing Shannon becoming increasingly more stressed, "I need a favour." she said grinning.

"Hmm, what" Shannon replied cautiously.

"Charlie is getting pissy with me. I give it another hour tops before he moves me to TR2. He has this vain in his neck that pulses when he's angry, you can literally see him about to have a meltdown. It's satisfying."

"Hey Stell, did you ever think that maybe, given that Charlie is your boss and all, you shouldn't be pissing him off this much? And why are you paying such close attention to his neck? Anything you want to share with me?" Shannon responded suspiciously.

"I have never enjoyed annoying someone as much as I enjoy annoying dear Chuckie."

"Chuckie?" Shannon asked as she raised her eyesbrows, "really Stella?"

"Yep. You know, the annoying Rugrat with scrawny hair who always yelled 'We're doomed, we're doomed!' He also had a fear of the guy on the oatmeal box. Charlie? He strikes me as the kinda person who would have a fear of someone on the side of a box of health food."

"Chuckie it is!" Shannon responded laughing, before rubbing the back of her neck.

"As fine as you are, can you at least ask Tash to give you something for your headache? You still look like shit"

"Didn't you want me to do you a favour" Shannon asked deflecting the conversation.

"Right, yes. My phone is about to die from all the Angry Birds playing that's been going on. And seen as I have a double shift, and you get to go home and sleep instead of patrolling the streets in TR, with the worlds easiest to annoy individual...please can I borrow your iPhone? You will still have the work one if anything happens, but I don't think I can live through the rest of my shift without access to Siri and Angus the Angry Bird." Stella begged

"Melodramatic much Stell?" Shannon said rolling her eyes, "fine" she continued handing over her phone.

"You are my hero" Stella responded, gloating at her friend.

"Yeah, yeah. I know you have dinner with Michael's parents tonight but I want my phone back tomorrow. Fully Charged."

"Done" replied Stella. "And I think the Ambulance is about to leave so hurry up before you get left here with Chuckie and ..." Stella stopped mid sentence as Charlie approached.

"Why haven't you left for the hospital yet?" he asked, glaring at Shannon.

"Charlie. Are you an oatmeal kind of person? I just can't work out what it is about you but I definitely think you are an oatmeal sort of individual." Stella rattled off as Shannon climbed into the back of the ambulance, avoiding a confrontation with Charlie.

"Stella, what the hell are you talking about now?" Charlie asked her irately.

"Never mind Chuckie," she grinned leaving Charlie fuming, following in her wake.

* * *

><p>As the Ambulance pulled into the Emergency bay, Shannon felt a wave of nausea roll over her.<p>

"Are you right?" the paramedic asked, as Shannon attempted to climb out of the Ambulance and felt the world start to spin.

"Yep" she responded, not trusting herself to say anymore.

The paramedic eyed her suspiciously as Shannon shut her eyes to stop the dizziness from taking over. The trauma team walked out to the bay for the transfer.

"What do we have?" Tash asked the paramedics and greeted Shannon before they walked the gurney through the hospital doors

"Female patient Ella Lawrence, 19 years old with significant lacerations and contusions to the face, neck and head. She was involved in a store robbery, had several glass bottles thrown at her face by the offenders. GCS of 13 and was given the penthrox inhaler at the scene with mild relief from pain. No allergies, known medical conditions or significant family history," the paramedic explained to Tash, before lowering his voice. "You may want to check out your cop friend over there, I don't know what's wrong with her but she was on the whiter side of pale on the way over."

"Right, thanks" Tash nodded her head in acknowledgement and stole a glance at Shannon who was waiting to the left of the curtains in the trauma bay. She had her eyes shut and her head tilted to the roof. Tash could see her pale complexion, clammy skin and tired eyes. She looked exhausted Tash thought to herself as she began ordering tests and examining the patient before her. As the on call ED fellow entered the trauma bay and was updated with the case, Tash spoke to him.

"I just want to check out the cop, make sure she wasn't injured. You right here?"

"Yep no worries, I'll page you if I need any more hands on deck," he replied.

Shannon felt her world spinning. Her head ached and the ribs she knew were broken were causing her great discomfort. She could hear a familiar voice in the distance. Tash. She could hear Tash.

"Shannon" was the last thing she heard before slipping into the darkness of unconsciousness.


	5. Pictures of you

**Just a warning, there is a bit of Shannon's attack in here so please be aware before you read on that it is an intense chapter and if it is likely to upset you please don't continue!**

"Right, get her on a bed in sub acute one" Tash directed the orderlies, one of whom had caught Shannon as she collapsed. People were staring at the drama unfolding both in the trauma bays and now, where Shannon was laying motionless on the bed.

"Shut the curtains on the way out" she said as the orderlies left before turning to the nurse who had entered sub acute. "I need you to start a new chart and get in touch with Kerry Vincent at Tactical Response and tell her to give me a call urgently. We'll also need a gown and a nurse to monitor her vitals."

Tash had put an oxygen mask over Shannon's face before she began to remove her bullet proof vest, heavy with the additional kevlar plates she had been wearing for the potentially dangerous situation at the market.

"Shannon, can you hear me," she said in a loud clear voice. "Shannon, come on. It's me Tash. I need you to wake up and tell me what's going on."

Tash sighed as Shannon didn't respond and began removing her heavy duty boots. The nurse came back in, handing her the chart which she started filling in and asked her if she'd got hold of Kerry. "Not yet. We left a message with a guy called Leon, he said she'd give you a call when she got back to the office."

"Did you tell them it was urgent?"

"Yes, of course. He said she was out, and un-contactable and when she was no longer out, or if she was at least contactable, he would let her know. They were his exact words."

"Okay, well we need to get an IV going and get her on the heart monitor, she's tachycardic and I want to know why." Tash instructed as she began undoing the top buttons of Shannon's uniform to hook up the heart machine.

* * *

><p><em> She was in Northcote in a lane way behind the bar she used to go to in her uni days. It was raining, and there were hints of thunder on the horizon. She smelt stale alcohol on someones breath behind her and the sent of petrol lingered in the lane. She knew what happened in this dream, she knew where it was going but she couldn't wake up. She tried to run but he grabbed her wrist and swore loudly at her before reaching for his gun and pointing it straight at her head. <em>

_"If you scream I will kill you, Shan" he spoke in a menacing tone, "don't fight me"_

_She froze not knowing what to do. She had known him half her life. And now he had a gun to her head, pushing her further into the dark alley. He suddenly slammed her down on the hard cobblestones and she felt a rib break and yelled in pain. _

_"I said, don't scream" he said as he clicked his gun, ready to shoot her. She started to feel dizzy where her head had hit the hard ground, willing herself to stay awake. She tried to fight him, scratching his face to get him off her and attempting to throw a punch before she again felt the cold metal of the gun and a dark haze surrounding her as she lost consciousness._

Tash looked up at the heart monitor where Shannon's heart rate was increasing and saw as she began to move around on the bed. A film of sweat covered her brow and Tash could see she had started to struggle with her breathing.

"Shannon," Tash said. "Can you hear me?"

Shannon felt every part of her body ache and something hard on her face. She began to wake, disoriented as to her whereabouts. She started to panic, thinking she was back in the lane attempting to escape again.

"No" she attempted to yell but felt her words get caught.

"Shannon, I need you to calm down and take some deep breaths. It's Tash, you're in the hospital because you collapsed. Do you remember?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around confused to see Tash's concerned face staring back at her. Slowly she realised where she was and attempted to take the oxygen mask off her face.

"No, Shannon. You need to keep that on. You're having trouble breathing, it will make things easier" Tash instructed.

"I'm fine" she said in the most normal voice she could muster which came out as more of a chocked whisper.

"Ok, I want you to take a deep breath in then."

Shannon took a breath but began spluttering and coughing, before wincing in pain.

"Really, you're fine? Will you let me examine you now?" Tash said placing the mask back on Shannon's face gently as she lay back on the bed, exhausted only from coughing. "I need you to sit up so I can listen to your breathing." Tash explained and saw Shannon hesitate. "Shan, I can't help you until I know what's wrong with you."

Slowly, Shannon sat up allowing Tash to listen to her chest seeing a look of concern briefly cross her face when Shannon could only take a short breath in. As she went to place the stethoscope on Shannon's back.

"Wait" Shannon said through the mask to Tash as she went to lift up the back of her shirt.

"What's wrong?"

Shannon hesitated, not sure what to do. All she wanted was to keep her secret and she knew it was dangerously close to being exposed. Tash saw Shannon's blood pressure and heart rate increasing.

"Is there any reason why you might have collapsed today?" Tash asked hoping if Shannon would open up to her she would be able to examine and treat her more effectively. Shannon remained quiet as Tash observed her reluctance. "Today, I'm your friend but more importantly I'm your doctor. Anything you tell me, I can't tell anyone without your permission."

"I..." Shannon began to say as she removed her mask before a nurse walked in with the hospital gown for Shannon. "No way. I am not wearing that ridiculous thing" she said firmly.

The nurse rolled her eyes before leaving the gown on the bed and walking out in a huff.

"Shannon. I need to send you for a chest x-ray and to do that you need to be in a gown. But before I do that I need to finish examining you and you need to give me a better medical history and start talking" she said bluntly.

"I should have gone to the doctors a few weeks ago but I was busy," she softly told Tash.

Tash raised her eyebrows at Shannon, unimpressed with the fact she hadn't come to her for help earlier or at least gone to the doctors.

"Don't look at me like that. I just thought, you know, it would go away if I waited a couple of weeks."

"What would go away?" Tash asked curiously.

"Well, I think that maybe I potentially broke a rib. Or two. But I thought they would heal" she continued quickly. "I still felt average but I haven't been sleeping and I thought it was just tiredness."

"And you didn't think to seek medical attention for either of those things?'' Tash sighed. When Shannon remained quiet she continued, "ok well have you fainted in the last couple of weeks?"

"No"

"Well can you tell me what you have been feeling?"

"Tired. And like I have a broken rib"

"This is like trying to get blood from a stone," Tash stated noticing Shannon was laying back in the bed, exhausted from their brief conversation. "Shannon, I really need you to sit up so I can listen to your chest."

"Fine" she grumbled and reluctantly allowed Tash to lift the back of her shirt.

Tash at once saw the traces of old bruises on her back and was shocked at how severe she knew they must have been.

"Did you get these bruises when you hurt your ribs?" Tash asked in what she hoped was a casual tone.

"Must of" Shannon replied, hoping Tash wouldn't continue to ask questions.

"How did you say you did it again?"

"I..um, had an accident."

"Okay," Tash said in response even though she knew Shannon was lying to her. She could see from the angle of the bruises they would have only been sustained from having landed on her back on a hard surface. "Deep breath," she said.

Shannon spluttered and she attempted to breath deep into her lungs. She felt tears of pain sting her eyes and blinked them back as Tash put the oxygen mask back on her.

Tash looked at Shannon lying on the bed, obviously upset and exhausted. "How about I find you some scrubs, maybe you'll be more comfortable in them than the gown and I can send you down to x-ray then," Tash suggested to her.

"Thank you" Shannon responded gratefully. Tash squeezed her hand before turning to leave and find the scrubs, her head full of worried thoughts.

* * *

><p>Stella sat in the back of TR with Shannon's iPhone in her hands, "why does Shannon not have angry birds on here? And it's not even an iPhone 4S."<p>

"She has common sense, good taste and no time to waste on childish games." Charlie responded.

"Was that a compliment you just gave her Charlie? Don't be too nice to her, Lawson might deck you," she said in a serious tone.

"HA, he would" Christian joined the conversation. "I remember last year with Schmidt..." he continued before seeing the angry look Charlie was giving him and silenced immediately.

"We're doing a stock inventory when we get back," Charlie informed them.

"Come on Charlie, a stock inventory? Seriously?" Stella groaned in the back of TR.

"Yes," Charlie grinned enjoying having Stella annoyed for once.

"Don't gloat too much there Charlie, your face might explode"

He turned around, ready to yell at Stella just as the blinding light of a camera flash snapped in his eyes.

Stella laughed at the look on Charlie's face, "oh, Chuckie that was priceless," she said as she flicked back through the photo album evaluating the 4 shots she'd managed to snap of her boss. She kept flicking and saw a collection of shots of her and Shannon obviously taken when they were drunk a few nights before. They were playing darts in Shannon's backyard with a picture of Charlie's face on the dart board. She couldn't remember most of the photos but laughed at the sight of them. As she kept flicking she came across a photo of a bruised woman's back.

"oh, ouch," she said out loud before continuing to flick through them. As she skipped backwards she soon realised they weren't just photos of anyone. They were photos of Shannon.

"SHIT" she said in shock...

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys,<strong>

**Thought I'd update because it was a bit of a mean cliffhanger...I so appreciate the reviews and hearing what you guys have to say! Thanks for the birthday wishes _heartbradleyjames _and generally for your nice review. Kirst92, thanks for the review also. People will find out what happened to her so stay tuned for when everything comes together. I have been dropping some little subtle hints in the chapters and kudos to Veggie95 who I'm fairly sure worked at least one of them out! Blake007 and annon thanks also for your words of encouragement! This story is turning out to have more Stella and Charlie in it than I had anticipated just because I enjoy her annoying him immensely and I find writing her voice very easy. **

**Sorry for time between updates but I'm from Melbourne and I work at the Australian Open which is on at the moment. So, my time isn't really my own for the next week a half!**

**Thanks xx**


	6. Breathe 2am

Tash studied the x-rays before her.

"Ouch" said the Emergency Room NUM as she approached Tash and observed the x-rays.

"Yeah, and I don't think I've got the full story either. I can't work out if she is lying to me or trying to lie to herself," Tash admitted concerned.

"Maybe, it's both," she suggested. "I would say those rib injuries are trauma inflicted. You spoken to the patient yet?"

"Not about the diagnosis. I asked about the injuries but she isn't really a sharing kind of person," Tash said as her phone began to ring.

"This will be a fun conversation," she said sarcastically as she walked into a quiet storage room.

_"Tash, it's Kerry, Leon said you called"_

_"Yeah. Look, I need you to send a general duties officer down here to look after the girl who came in from the market. She hasn't being interviewed yet either."_

_"Well what the hell has Shannon being doing all this time? I mean, she's been there for hours. She's been off her game for awhile, late constantly this week, trashed the locker room a couple of weeks ago, let a person out of custody and now she can't even interview a teenager about a robbery?" Kerry said annoyed._

_"Kerry, it's not what you think. I think you should probably come down to the hospital. Just you though, nobody else."_

_"All I want to know is what the hell Shannon thought she would do with her time for the last few hours. Time during which she is supposed to be on duty," Kerry replied ignoring Tash's comment. _

_"Kerry, stop. Shannon was lying unconscious on a hospital bed, not getting a coffee."_

_"Shit, is she ok. What the hell happened?" Kerry replied in both a worried and guilty tone._

_"I haven't spoken to Shannon yet so I can't tell you but I think it would be really good for her to have someone here later. I'm reluctant to call Lawson, I don't want him freaking out and getting Shannon worried. You know what she's like, too stubborn to let anyone help her. But as her boss maybe you will be able to get through to her a bit better than me." _

_"I'll be there in 10 minutes," Kerry replied as she hung up the phone. _

_Tash left the stock room and began to walk towards the sub-acute cubicle where Shannon was, not looking forward to what she knew would be a difficult conversation._

* * *

><p>"I have to go Charlie." Stella said in a loud tone to Charlie.<p>

"No, not until we have finished this stock inventory,"

"WE? What do you mean 'we'? You've sat on your arse giving us orders the whole time. Do you even know how to count?"

"That's enough Senior Constable," Charlie said as his temper began to flare.

"Yeah, you're right. It is enough. My shift ended an hour ago, and I've got important shit to do," Stella yelled at Charlie before walking out of the stock room and slamming the bathroom door.

She had called Michaels parents not long after she'd found the photos explaining there was a work situation. They insisted on rescheduling for the next night which, after a few guilty words from Mrs Sandrelli, Stella agreed to. Right now her priority was finding Shannon. She rang her friends work mobile which was switched off and then her home phone, which rang out to the voicemail. Knowing she wasn't still at base Stella escaped Charlies anger with a clever decoy courtesy of Leon and drove the familiar route to Shannon's house in Leon's borrowed car.

"Shannon" she yelled and banged out the door with her fist. "Seriously Shannon, if you're in there you need to open the door."

Peeking through the glass panels on the outer edges of the door Stella saw no movement inside. The house was pitch black and Shannon's car was missing from the drive way.

"Shit, shit, shit" Stella exclaimed out loud as she attempted to call Shannon's phone again, "where the hell are you?" she said to herself.

Stella ran back down the stairs to the car not sure where to go next. Lawson, Stella thought. As she drove the 10 minutes it took to get to Lawson's place she played the events of the last few weeks over in her head. When did everything suddenly turn to shit? She'd lost her best friend because he wouldn't listen and she felt like she didn't even know the person she had come to rely on. Come to count as such a close friend. She felt tears rolling down her face and pulled over out the front of Lawson's. She quickly wiped the tears from her face and walked to Lawsons door.

A weiry Lawson opened the door to see Stella standing on his veranda.

"Stel, what are you doing here"

"Looking for Shannon, is she here?" Stella said a little more desperately than she had meant.

"No, she didn't come over," Lawson replied in a sad tone.

"Oh" was all Stella had to say. He looked so sad and dejected. He has no idea, thought Stella. Then she realised, no one had any idea what was going on with Shannon. All she had were some photos but she didn't actually know what had happened. Shannon had been keeping a big secret and hadn't even told the person Stella knew meant the most to her friend.

"I have to go" she told Lawson quickly and ran back to the car without a backwards glance.

* * *

><p>As Tash walked into the room, she noticed Shannon had fallen into what appeared to be an uncomfortable sleep. She began tossing and turning on the bed as her heart rate began to increase rapidly and Tash saw tears rolling down her face.<p>

"Shannon," she said as she stroked the young girls head in front of her. She recognised the signs of another nightmare but seeing Shannon toss and turn she had to wake her up before she did more damage.

"Hey, it's going to be ok. You're safe. You need to wake up Shannon," she said loudly as she shook her shoulders.

Shannon was having the same nightmare she always had. Running up the laneway. But someone told her she was safe.

"I'm not safe. I have to run," she mumbled mostly asleep.

"Shannon, you're safe. You're in hospital. I really need you to wake up and open your eyes for me. It was just a dream, it's not real," Tash told her reassuringly.

Slowly Shannon opened her eyes, this time remembering exactly where she was.

"Shit" she said embarrassed before turning away.

"You right Shan?" Tash asked full of concern.

"Yeah, just a bad dream or something," she replied. "Do you know what's wrong with me yet?"

"Yes, it's what I had first suspected."

"Which was what?"

"You have pneumonia. And 2 broken ribs." Tash told Shannon

"Pneumonia. Are you serious? How did I get pneumonia? It can't be right, I would have felt sick. Like really sick."

"Shannon, I suspected pneumonia when I did my inital exam on you. I could hear crackles when I listened to your chest. The headaches, fatigue, shortness of breath and the cough are all signs you were sick. All the x-ray did was confirm it. It was caused by your broken ribs. They were obviously very painful."

Shannon nodded in response and realised she had started crying.

"It meant that you weren't breathing deeply into your lungs. When you needed to cough, you didn't because it hurt too much. Some bacteria obviously got into your lungs and your body just couldn't fight the infection off." When Shannon didn't say anything Tash continued.

"Why didn't you see a doctor Shannon? Those broken ribs haven't healed well and they would have been incredibly painful. When was the last time you slept properly? And how long have you been having panic attacks and nightmares?"

Shannon's eyes widened at Tash's questions.

"I...um..how did you..." Shannon spluttered at Tash.

"I was watching you sleep. You were crying, in your sleep. And when you first woke up you were in the early stages of a panic attack. I'm not stupid Shannon. Who are you scared of?"

Shannon was exhausted and felt the tiniest sense of relief in Tash's presence. Like she didn't have to pretend everything was ok. She lay back on the bed, tears streaming down her face before she heard an unexpected voice at the curtain.

"Shannon," Kerry said as she walked in. "Shit, what the hell happened?"

"What are you doing here?" Shannon asked surprised.

"Heard you were slacking off in a hospital bed,"

"Yeah, I've really been living it up," she replied sarcastically.

"So what happened. Are you ok? Should I call Lawson or something?" Kerry said awkwardly.

"No. I don't want Lawson to know."

"Shannon, you won't be able to work for at least a week. And then you'll be on light duties for another couple of weeks after that. I think he will work it out eventually," Tash interrupted.

"Hang on, you know why she collapsed? What's wrong?" Kerry quickly asked Tash

Tash hesitated not wanting to tell Kerry after she had given Shannon a long speech about trusting her confidence as a doctor. To her surprise it was Shannon who spoke next.

"It's not really a big deal. I have pneumonia. But it will go away, everything will," Shannon summarised quickly.

"Shannon, people die from pneumonia. You need to take this seriously. No work at all for the next 10 days. Then you are on two weeks of light duties after which I will decide if you are fit to be back out of the road. Really Shannon, pneumonia?" Kerry scolded Shannon in a motherly way.

"10 days! What am I going to do for 10 days? At home, sick." Shannon sulked

"I don't know, watch All Saints or Ellen. Maybe Dr Phil will do a story on stubborn police officers who go to work instead of the doctors when they have pneumonia.,"

"Oh, ha ha." Shannon replied in a sarcastic tone.

"You'll have to stay here until the morning. I want to keep you overnight for observation. I'll write a prescription for your antibiotics which you must take Shannon. Or you'll be stuck at home for even longer. I'll drive you home in the morning, we still have some things to catch up on." Tash said.

Shannon sighed as Tash and Kerry left to finalise the medical certificate for what she knew would be a long 10 days off.

* * *

><p>Stella drove around the block of TR seeing Shannon's car in the spot she had parked it that morning. What? she thought to herself. Maybe she is still at the hospital, she pondered before accelerating around the corner in the direction of the Alfred.<p>

"Hi, I'm looking for sergeant Shannon Henry. She was here interviewing..."

"ER sub acuate, second on you left. The doctor just finished talking to her," the ward clerk interrupted in a bored tone.

"What?" Stella said confused as she turned around and followed the directions of the clerk. "Kerry, what are you doing here" she asked as she saw her boss speaking to Tash outside a curtained cubicle.

"Tash called me. Did Shannon call you?" Kerry asked also confused.

"No, I've been trying to find her, she doesn't have her phone turned on and I really need to talk to her," Stella said "Why would she call me, wasn't she interviewing the girl from the market"

"She never got around to it, she collapsed" Kerry informed Stella.

Stella stood on the spot, shocked.

"Well is she ok?" Stella asked almost dreading the answer.

"She's going to be fine," Tash quickly told her.

Stella breathed a sigh of relief and quickly walked into Shannon's room.

"What the hell, is going on?" she asked Shannon who was sitting up on her bed.

"Oh, it's nothing really. Just a bit of pneumonia," she tried to say in a casual voice.

"Yeah, just a bit of pneumonia no big deal," Stella responded sarcastically. "You've been feeling sick for the last week and you kept telling me all it was, was a headache. That you were fine. You aren't fine Shannon no matter what you tell everyone. Lawson's worried sick and when you said no questions, I respected that because I thought you were questioning your relationship or feeling guilty about the Lexi situation. Something small. I thought if it was something big then you would tell me," Stella's vented at Shannon in a raised voice as she felt tears welling in her eyes.

In the hallway, Kerry and Tash had heard Stella's yelling and quickly ran towards Shannon's room.

Shannon sat there listening to Stella, feeling guilt and dread overwhelm her. She avoided looking at Stella and when she didn't say anything Stella continued, neither one noticing Kerry and Tash's presence.

'I saw the photos," Stella suddenly said.

"What?" Shannon responded stunned as she saw Stella reach into her pocket and threw Shannon's phone on the bed.

"You left them on your phone Shannon. Why the hell didn't you tell me? Did you tell anyone?" Stella questioned as Shannon suddenly turned pale.

"Who was it?" she continued, "you've been ignoring Lawson it wasn't..." Stella began uncertainly.

"Lawson would never hurt me," Shannon sobbed as her heart rate started increasing and her breathing became more erratic.

"Ok, Shannon calm down," Tash suddenly said feeling it was time to step in.

Both Shannon and Stella seemed shocked at Tash and Kerry's presence in the room.

"Shannon, what's going on? What's Stella talking about someone hurting you?" Kerry softly asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Shannon stuttered.

"Shannon, you were assaulted you..." Stella began.

"What?" Kerry said in shock, "how come now one told me.." she began before pausing.

"You didn't report it, did you?" Kerry asked realising why she didn't know.

Shannon shook her head as tears streamed down her face and she looked away from everyone.

"I just want it all to go away. Just delete the photos Stella, I don't want to see them again."

"Hang on, you took photos?" Kerry said quickly.

"Yeah, they're on her phone," Stella responded quickly before hesitantly adding, "so, should I just delete them?"

Kerry who had picked up the phone and was scrolling through the photos swore loudly when she saw them.

"Don't delete these Stella, they are evidence," she said in a voice thick with emotion.

"But I don't think Shannon wants..." Stella began before being interrupted by Kerry.

"No Stella, we'll talk more about this when Shannon is better but for now, these photos aren't going anywhere."

"Shannon. Whatever happened, it's not going to go away because you want it to," Tash said.

"Please don't tell Lawson. I don't want him to know," Shannon said in a wavering voice, "I just don't want him finding out."

"Why not? He would be supportive. Angry as hell at whoever bashed you but supportive of you," Kerry said.

"No" Shannon said becoming slightly more hysterical. "He can't know, he..he just can't. He won't love me or want anything to do with me and I just...you can't tell him"

All three women observed Shannon's distress, Tash trying to work out why she was so horrified at the idea of Lawson finding out. She thought about the nightmares she'd seen Shannon have and her reluctance to be examined. Suddenly it clicked. She closed her eyes and looked at the ground, sighing, "shit" she whispered.

"I won't say anything Shan, but I think you should," Kerry told Shannon, "What?" she asked Tash when she saw the look on her face.

Tash said nothing, and just stood and looked at Shannon.

"I'm so sorry," Tash said and hugged Shannon who had started crying again.

"Sorry?" Kerry and Stella looked at each other trying to work out what had suddenly come over Tash.

"You don't want Lawson to know," Kerry began.

"Oh my God," Stella interrupted, finally understanding what Tash had realised. "You weren't just bashed were you?"

Shannon started crying harder when she heard Stella's voice and knew she'd worked it out.

"You were raped."

**This chapter took me forever. Got my laptop back and now the tennis is over, updates should be more frequent. Next chapter: Lots of Shawson! **

**Just came back and fixed some of the awful spelling I'd used. Plurals in all the wrong places! Sorry, I wrote it about 10 times and was so sick of this chapter I didn't really proofread it!**


	7. Look after you

**Make sure you have read the other chapters first, otherwise you might not really get this. And you won't appreciate my Dr Phil joke...**

Shannon numbly sat on the hospital bed pretending to listen to the reassurances of her friends and boss. That everything would be fine. And yet, nothing was. She thought maybe them knowing would have made everything suddenly disappear. That if they knew, then she would never have to talk about it, or think about him again.

"Shannon," Kerry's voice suddenly cut through and Shannon jerked her head up to look her boss.

"Don't look at me like that. Like, I'm going to break if you talk too loudly or say the wrong thing around me," Shannon said.

"I got over this, I don't need help or sympathy or reassuring words. I need antibiotics and 3 days off work max. Then everything will be fine. I will be fine," she continued.

"Ten days off work minimum, that is not up for discussion Shannon. You know why we are looking at you like this? Because we care. We care about what happened to you and I sure as hell want to make whoever did this to you, very bloody sorry. Now, you can tell me that you're fine until you are blue in the face but every time you do, all I see is a victim trying to convince herself that if she says it enough maybe that will make it true," Kerry firmly told Shannon.

The shrill buzzing of Tash's pager cut through the awkward silence that had engulfed the room.

"Look I have to go, but I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you Shannon. Just try and stay calm and rest, ok?" Tash said as Shannon rolled her eyes at Kerry who was staring at her expectantly. She turned her head away from where Kerry and Stella were standing and shut her eyes, hoping that maybe when she woke up she'd discover the last month of her life had been nothing more than a long nightmare.

As Kerry opened her mouth to speak, Tash intervened.

"Kerry, a word?" Kerry hesitated and remained where she was; her eyes torn between Tash and Shannon.

"Outside," Tash continued as she cleared her throat.

Kerry followed Tash silently outside before beginning to speak;

"Tash," she said quickly.

"Not here Kerry. The NUMs office is just around the corner, it's too public to be talking about this here."

The minute the door was shut Tash began to speak.

"Kerry, what the hell was that?"

"What are you talking about? We both know she isn't fine with what happened, she wanted to delete the evidence for goodness sake!" Kerry yelled back at Tash.

"Of course she wanted to delete it, she obviously doesn't want to think about it let alone see those photos."

"But she needs.." Kerry started

"No Kerry, we don't get to tell her what she needs. We both know she isn't fine ok? But just for now, you need to forget about the fact that it's Shannon in that bed and remember that she is a rape victim. If it was any other rape victim you wouldn't have just reminded them that they really weren't as ok as they were trying to be. I can see she has fought hard to try and do this alone. Which is a terrible idea. But now, in the space of ten minutes her best friend, her colleagues girlfriend and her boss have all found out something she has obviously tried very hard to keep a secret. She went to work with pneumonia and two broken ribs after being traumatised and still didn't tell anyone and now three people know. Just think about the reality of that."

"Broken ribs? Seriously? She has been running around for the last month with two broken ribs? I knew something was wrong that day. I should have asked more questions or..." Kerry said in a guilty tone.

"Ok, this isn't helping anyone. Especially Shannon. Whatever happens from here on in, needs to be her call. We don't know the details of her attack yet and until we have a better idea what is going on, we need to tread carefully. We don't want her shutting down completely or she may end up in even more trouble," Tash tried to get through to Kerry who she could see, was taking the news of Shannon's attack hard.

"More trouble? She is lying in bed with pneumonia and two broken ribs from having been bashed and raped. And she is lying there alone, because she won't tell her boyfriend. How can she be in more trouble at this point?" Kerry's phone began to rang as Tash's pager again beeped furiously.

"Yeah," Kerry said picking up the phone.

"Kerry, where the hell are you? Stella's done a runner on me, I haven't even seen Shannon since this afternoon. Lawson is pissy with me, which means Josh is also pissy at me and you're nowhere to be seen," Charlie angrily yelled in to the phone.

"Charlie, just calm down would you. Stella and Shannon are with me. I had..a...job for them to do. As for Lawson, what did you do to piss him off this time?"

"They are with you?"

"Yes, is it ok for me to use my staff Charlie or do I need to ask your bloody permission? Are you my mother or something? Oh no, that's right, I outrank you. My staff; my call. Is that all you called for Charlie?" Kerry said in a very pissed off tone of voice.

"I don't have any intel on any operations tonight..." Charlie began to say.

"Well maybe you don't have the clearance level. Jesus Charlie, get some real problems," Kerry yelled before promptly hanging up.

"Moron," she said as the line disconnected.

"I have to go Kerry but remember, these conversations don't leave the walls of this hospital. Until Shannon is ready to tell people, this is still her story to tell. Not ours. I'll make sure I take her home and speak to you tomorrow, ok?" Tash said as she began to walk out the door.

"Yeah, ok." Kerry gave in, knowing this was one battle that she wasn't going to win.

* * *

><p>As the early morning sunlight filtered into the room around her, Shannon groggily awoke to the noisy bustle of the emergency department. She remembered back to the night before and felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Her headache had returned and the new antibiotics she had been given were making her feel nauseous. As she felt the sick feeling rise she grabbed for the bucket next to the bed and threw up just as Tash walked in.<p>

"My face isn't that bad is it?" Tash said with a laugh and walked up to the side of Shannon's bed. She moved her hair away from her eyes and handed her a glass of water.

"Thanks" Shannon mumbled, embarrassed.

"Ok, so I want to have a chat," Tash said, feeling being direct was the best approach with Shannon. When Shannon said nothing but looked away, she continued.

"Look, I know that the medication side effects are probably making you feel kind of shitty and I know you don't want to talk about this with me. With anyone really. And I don't want to force things but from a medical perspective, I need to know if you have any other injuries. I think it would be a good idea if I examined you, just to make sure that there aren't any physical problems," Tash had thought about the best way to approach this and realised there was no good way to talk about STDs and infections with Shannon. She seemed to understand what Tash was saying and sighed.

"Yeah, I guess," Shannon replied.

"Ok. Now, are you sure you don't want someone here with you for this? I know that you think Lawson won't understand but sometimes people surprise you," she tried to reason with Shannon.

"Is this going to take long? I really want to go home," Shannon dodged Tash's question.

"I'll be as quick as I can," Tash replied, still concerned about Shannon's state of mind but feeling slightly better about her more willing attitude to accept help.

* * *

><p>Three hours later, Shannon sat in the passenger's seat of Tash's car, relieved at finally being able to go home. She knew she would have a lot of questions to answer, particularly from Stella and Kerry but for the moment, all she wanted was a long hot shower and to go to bed.<p>

"Thanks for your help Tash," Shannon said as they pulled up in front of her house. Tash turned the car off and hesitated.

"I'll walk you in Shan," she responded.

"No. I mean, I don't want to sound rude but I just want some time alone,"

Tash knew she wouldn't get anywhere arguing with Shannon and realised she probably wanted to go inside and cry.

"Kerry won't be happy knowing I just left you here," Tash tried to tell Shannon who had already got out of the car.

"I know, but I'm giving her ten minutes before she will call me herself so don't worry, it'll be fine," Shannon said.

"You know Shannon, it's ok to not be fine sometimes. Asking for help can be good, it can make things better," Tash said to Shannon's retreating figure.

"Thanks for the lift Tash, see you later," she said and walked inside.

She walked inside and felt like there was something different. Something wasn't right and although she couldn't quite work out what, it gave her an eerie feeling in the pit of her stomach. She walked into the bathroom and slowly took off her jacket, wanting to peel off some of the bandages Tash had put on the scabs on her back. It was then Shannon realised the bin was empty and there was no bin liner inside the small white container.

_I don't remember emptying that bin _Shannon thought to herself in surprise. She heard the generic ringtone of her work phone and remembered Kerry had taken her iPhone back to TR base for safe keeping, something Shannon was not at all thrilled about.

"Hello Kerry, having a quiet day obviously?" Shannon asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm actually flat out thanks for asking. You didn't call me this morning though and I was getting worried and.." Kerry managed to say before Shannon cut her off.

"Well I could always come back to work, that way you would have more people around seen as it's so busy and you wouldn't need to call me every ten minutes to find out how I was going," Shannon said manner-of-factly.

"Nice try Shannon," she heard Kerry say but could hear people talking in the background followed by a distant Kerry yelling,

"No, you can't talk to her," in her serious voice before again yelling, "no, you need to find Charlie and talk to him about what you have planned for next week's training drills,"

"Kerry, what's going on?" Shannon said into the phone.

"Nothing Shannon, don't worry. It's just Lawson been an overprotective pain. Can you at least call him and tell him you're alive before he has a complete meltdown,"

"Yeah, when I get around to it. Are you sure you don't want me to..." Shannon began.

"Oh look Shannon, it's almost midday. I think you have a date with Dr Phil. I'll speak to you this afternoon, ok?"

"You don't need to call me again today," she said before hanging up and sighing.

Shannon suddenly felt a wave of nausea roll over her again and ran to the bathroom. She had barely eaten for two days and there was little left to throw up. She had a quick shower and then sat down on the couch, flicking through pointless reality shows and infomercials. She shut her stinging eyes for what seemed like five minutes and awoke 6 hours later, drenched in sweat and a trail of dry tears on her face. She decided to venture out into the cold Melbourne air to get dinner from a small Chinese restaurant her and Lawson used to go to. She missed him, more than she ever thought she would but tried to push these thoughts out of her head and she ventured outside, quickly covering the short distance between her house and car.

She walked back inside 20 minutes later and dropped the food and her jacket on the bench, walking over to her laptop and waiting as it slowly started. It was then she realised that she had left her laptop closed when she had last used it but when she had started it tonight, it was already open. She tried to calm her nerves and steady her breathing feeling increasingly uncomfortable. She took a deep breath in when she realised what she was staring at.

All photos, documents and settings had been wiped from her laptop and a single NotePad document was open in the middle of the screen.

**"TELL ANYONE AND I WILL KILL YOU, BITCH"**

Shannon grabbed her bag and ran outside as the cold air whipped around her and burned her lungs. She panicked, knowing that he had been in her house. She didn't know where she was going so she just began to drive, anywhere. She thought about going to Stella's but she knew that she was having dinner with Michaels parents tonight. If she went to Tash's she'd have to tell Josh and she knew Kerry would still be at work.

Half an hour later she found herself parked outside Lawson's house. She wiped away her tears and tried to calm down as much as she could. She did what she had always done and buried all of her fear and anxiety deep down, where she wouldn't have to think about it.

Shannon walked the familiar steps to Lawson's door and knocked gently. As he opened the door his face reflected a mixture of surprise, concern and happiness.

"Shan, what are you doing here?" he said surprised.

"Oh," she said not having prepared an answer to give him.

"Well, I can go," she hesitated. In her haste to leave she had left her jacket in the kitchen and without realising she had begun to shiver in the cold night air.

"No, Shannon it's fine. I want you to be here. Aren't you sick?" he suddenly said seeing her trembling frame.

"Sort of," she said.

"Come inside, you're freezing," he said guiding her into the lounge. "I just ordered pizza if you want some. And a movie maybe?"

"Um, yeah ok," she flopped down on the couch, exhausted. She took the pizza Lawson offered her and ate a slice before she began to feel sick.

Lawson sat on the opposite side of the couch to her, obviously unsure of where they stood. As Shannon opened her mouth to say something she realised she was about to be sick. She ran to Lawson's bathroom and started throwing up the pizza she had just eaten.

Lawson followed her quickly and softly held her hair back and began rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Only sort of sick? Really Shannon?" he said as she turned around to face him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come," Shannon said quickly.

"Of course you should have Shan," he gently stroked her face.

"Everyone needs someone to hold their hair while they puke," he said and kissed her cheek.

"How romantic of you. I just want to brush my teeth, I'll be two minutes," she responded and gave him a small smile.

When she emerged from the bathroom, Lawson was sitting on one side of the couch flicking through TV channels.

"Ok, so what's wrong? I mean, it's nothing serious is it? You're going to be ok, right?" Lawson bombarded her with questions when he realised she had walked through the living room door.

"Lawson relax, I'm going to be fine,"

His face was still full of tension and anxiety as Shannon settled down the other end of the couch.

"Fine," she said rolling her eyes.

"Just don't freak out if I tell you, it's really not a big deal," she tried to reason but could see he didn't believe her.

"Pneumonia. I have pneumonia, but I'm on medication and just a few days off work and it's going to go away and everything will be ok,"

Lawson was visibly stunned at Shannon's admission and quickly gathered up two blankets and a pillow that had been lying neglected beside the couch.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. And that you went out in the cold air with pneumonia. You should have called and I would have come over straight away," he said softly as Shannon rolled her eyes.

"I don't want you to get sick Shan, or..." he seemed to lose track of what he was saying as he put the blanket over Shannon and started making her a cup of tea.

"Just, be careful ok?" he continued.

Shannon went to get up and put a movie on but was quickly stopped by Lawson.

"What are you doing? Shan, sit down and I'll find us a movie. Your choice ok, just sit down," he said worriedly and she laughed.

"What?" Lawson said, almost offended.

"You're cute when you're worried," she said but lay back on the couch realising how tired she still was.

Lawson put the movie in his DVD player and put Shannon's tea on the small table in front of her. She looked across at him on the other side of the couch as the opening titles started rolling and felt overwhelming sadness at where she had ended up. She slowly moved across to Lawson and lay her head on his shoulder, a gesture which surprised him. He looked down to see her tired eyes closed and slowly moved his arm around her shoulders. Rather than pulling away she nestled her head into the crook of his neck, as though she was trying to hide from the world and then laced her fingers with his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as they both fell asleep in each other's arms with the forgotten movie playing softly in the background.

* * *

><p><strong>I know parts of this chapter were boring but necessary! sorry for taking so long, I decided on a long update to make up for it! <strong>

**Thank you so much for your reviews, I love reading them and hearing what you think!**

**Have a peachy weekend friends!**


	8. Vanilla twilight

_QUICK RECAP (because it's been so frieken long)_

_Lawson put the movie in his DVD player and put Shannon's tea on the small table in front of her. She looked across at him on the other side of the couch as the opening titles started rolling and felt overwhelming sadness at where she had ended up. She slowly moved across to Lawson and lay her head on his shoulder, a gesture which surprised him. He looked down to see her tired eyes closed and slowly moved his arm around her shoulders. Rather than pulling away she nestled her head into the crook of his neck, as though she was trying to hide from the world and then laced her fingers with his._

_"I'm sorry," she whispered as they both fell asleep in each other's arms with the forgotten movie playing softly in the background._

* * *

><p>Lawson awoke to the faint vibrating of his phone. He sleepily opened his eyes and saw Kerry's name flashing across the screen. He quickly hit the reject button and saw the clock on the his phone. It was just before 5 am and Lawson could see it was still dark outside. His attention suddenly turned to Shannon's sleeping form in his arms. Her eyes were tightly shut and her breathing unsteady. He could feel all the tension in her body and was instantly concerned. He pulled her in closer to him and began stroking her head gently, hoping she would relax. He felt a small sense of relief that although she never wanted to ask for his help or appear to need him, the tension in her body seemed to dissipate as he held her. He was pulled from his thoughts as his phone began to ring again. He reluctantly untangled himself from Shannon and grabbed a pillow to put under her head before walking into his bedroom and answering the call.<p>

"This better be bloody important Kerry," Lawson said angrily.

"Do you think I'd be calling you at 5am if it wasn't? Now, I need you to be here for a briefing in half an hour, one of the Rainey associates has escaped from Barwon max security and shit has hit the fan,"

"Who the hell let that happen?" Lawson said as he began to get ready quickly.

"That's what we need to bloody well find out. We know piss all and the Minister is shitting kittens about how this is going to look. Anyway, we need all hands on deck because this is not going to end well if we can't find him,"

"Ok well I'll be there in 20 minutes but Shan isn't going to be in today..." Lawson began.

"Yes Lawson, I know she's on sick leave. She is keeping well away from this,"

"Hang on," Lawson said, "you knew she had pneumonia? And you didn't think that was important to tell me?"

"It's not my call Lawson, you know that. Besides, the only reason I knew is because Tash called me when she collapsed and..."

"What do you mean she collapsed?" Lawson asked incredulously .

"Oh shit," Kerry said. "I assumed because you knew about the pneumonia she must have told you about that part too," Kerr y said very guiltily.

"No, she didn't. I'll see you soon," Lawson said and quickly hung up.

"Shit," Kerry sighed and rubbed the side of her head. She knew Lawson would be asking her for answers all day. Answers she couldn't give.

Lawson finished getting changed and walked slowly back into the living room where Shannon remained curled up, asleep on the couch. He lightly kissed the tip of her nose before grabbing some paper to write a note. He contemplated what to write before quickly scrawling down a couple of brief sentences.

* * *

><p><p>

It was just after 10:30am when Shannon finally awoke. The combination of her medication, no alcohol and a long, somewhat peaceful sleep had left Shannon feeling better than she had since her attack. As she glanced around the house she realised she was at Lawson's and the previous night came flooding back. The solid black letters plastered across her computer screen suddenly filtered into her consciousness and Shannon tried her best to ignore them. At some point she realised Lawson wasn't home. For a brief moment she panicked, thinking maybe he had decided to walk out on everything before seeing a small note haphazardly left on the bench.

_Shan. Got called into work at 5am for a job and didn't want to wake you. Please rest and text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. I love you. _

_Lawson_

_PS. Chocolate's in the fridge _

Shannon grinned as she read Lawson's letter before walking over to the fridge and yanking it open. On the shelves sat a bottle of milk that had a used by date 4 days prior, a packet of cheese, a six pack of beer and on the top shelf sat a small block of lindt chocolate. She walked across to the entrance hall where she had left her bag and grabbed her phone before typing a text to Lawson.

_Chocolate and beer are the only things you have in your fridge? Seriously Lawson? Do you even know where the supermarket is?_

Upon seeing the state of Lawson's fridge Shannon decided she was well enough to do some shopping. Tash had told her to make sure she moved around and didn't stay still for too long so she figured a shopping trip would involve just the right amount of walking. As she wrote a small list of things to buy her phone beeped loudly next to her.

_Well good morning to you too sunshine. What's wrong with chocolate and beer? They are your two favourite things. There is milk there as well. Of course I know where it is...when you say supermarket you mean liquorland, right? Are you feeling better? And why are you using a work phone?_

Shannon stared at the screen of her phone considering all of Lawson's questions.

_Oh ha ha. The milk is four days past its used by date. I'm feeling fine. And I don't have my iPhone with me. _

Shannon searched through the draws full of her clothes she kept at Lawson's trying to find something to wear when she heard her phone beep again.

_Well don't drink it then. Should I bring something home for dinner? I mean, will you be around if I get something?_

She carefully considered his message but decided that for the first time, in a long time she felt safe again and she knew that was because she had been with Lawson.

_Well, if it's ok with you. Dinner and a movie? You owe me a foot massage babe:)_

Shannon surprised herself by being more flirty than she had anticipated. She didn't want Lawson to get the wrong idea but she missed him. Just being with him. And being happy with him. For the last few weeks all she had felt was fear when it came to the issue of telling Lawson. But now, it had become guilt.

_Sounds good Shan. I want to talk too. Why didn't you tell me you collapsed? Kerry won't tell me anything about it. It is only pneumonia though, right?_

_Yes Lawson. I collapsed because of the pneumonia. Can we not text about this? How is work going?_

_Don't think I didn't notice that little change of subject. Charlie is losing it, Kerry and Stella are being weird and that's pissing Charlie off even more. We're not making any progress on the case and everyone is being very tetchy. Kerry did tell me I don't have to do overtime. I think she wants me to make sure you're ok. _

Shannon was annoyed with Kerry and her overwhelming desire to try and protect or whatever she thought she was doing. She got changed and found her bag before replying to Lawson's message.

_Go and do some work. I'll see you tonight. And tell Kerry to calm down._

Shannon hit send before heading out to her car for the short drive to the supermarket.

* * *

><p>"What possible task could Kerry have you and Shannon doing that I don't have the security clearance to know about?" Charlie said out loud as Stella drove TR1 through the streets of the city in their hunt for the illusive fugitive.<p>

Stella continued to remain silent in response to Charlie's questions and if there was one thing the Senior Sergeant hated, it was feeling out of the loop.

"Has anyone ever told you that the world doesn't actually revolve around you Charlie?" Stella finally butted in after listening to Charlie complain.

"I never said that I thought it did. All I wanted to know is what the hell is going on,"

Stella knew she should ignore Charlie and not antagonize the situation but she couldn't help wind him up just a little.

"I can't be discussing this with you Charlie. You just don't have the clearance," she said with a smirk.

Charlie growled and sulkily looked out the window at the passing trees.

"Now now Chuckie, no need to throw a tantrum because.." she began.

"Shut up Stella. My security clearance still extends to me being able to fire you,"

Stella was forced to bite back her retort as her phone began to ring.

"Who is it?" she asked Charlie.

"The other member of the secret sisterhood," he replied sarcastically.

"Shannon?" Stella said seriously quickly pulling over in a supermarket car park.

"No, it's Kerry," Charlie said. He saw Stella's very swift change it attitude when she thought it was Shannon and his mind began working overtime, attempting to figure out what was going on for himself.

"I'll be right back," Stella said as she jumped out of TR and answered Kerry's call.

"What's up Kerry? Bloody Charlie has spent the day trying to play 20 questions with me,"

"Yeah, I know Lawson has been doing the same with me. I put my foot in it this morning. I thought Shannon had told him about collapsing and the hospital but all she had told him was that she's sick, now he wants to know everything I know. But right now we have a bigger problem," Kerry said very quickly.

"Have you heard from Shannon?" Kerry continued.

"Not since this morning," Stella replied looking at her watch and seeing it was now 4:46pm, "why?"

"I haven't heard from her since this morning. Her home phone is disconnected, he mobile is off and there is no answer at Lawson's," Kerry said worriedly.

"Well Shannon likes space. Maybe she is just getting some perspective on things," Stella said trying to convince both herself and Kerry although she could feel herself getting anxious about Shannon's whereabouts.

"You don't think she is in danger do you? I mean, you don't think whoever did this is going to try and find her do you?" Stella continued.

"I know as much as you Stella. We just need to find her."

* * *

><p><strong>Woooahhhh cliffhanger. Bitch, I know. And not updating for so long, such a fail. <strong>

**But be known it was because I was doing a production with a charity for the NICK foundation. If you haven't heard of them, google them. They are amazing and do incredible stuff!**

**Thanks for the reviews! I so appreciate them. Also, this is a shannon/lawson story for those of you wondering it is supposed to be centered around shannon and therefore her relationship with Lawson! I try and put other character's in there but only really to support the story and I did add some more charlie/stella for those that wanted it. ANYWAY! Let me know what you guys think...I will try to not wait as long between updates because it's just annnoying when authors don't update. haha ahem. yep, that's me.**

**Anyway, review inbox whatever!**

**Thanks chums :)**


	9. In the wee small hours of the morning

_QUICK RECAP (or you could just read the last chapter)_

_"Have you heard from Shannon?" Kerry continued._

_"Not since this morning," Stella replied looking at her watch and seeing it was now 4:46pm, "why?"_

_"I haven't heard from her since this morning. Her home phone is disconnected, he mobile is off and there is no answer at Lawson's," Kerry said worriedly._

_"Well Shannon likes space. Maybe she is just getting some perspective on things," Stella said trying to convince both herself and Kerry although she could feel herself getting anxious about Shannon's whereabouts._

_"You don't think she is in danger do you? I mean, you don't think whoever did this is going to try and find her do you?" Stella continued._

_"I know as much as you Stella. We just need to find her."_

_**Quick A/N:**_

_**3am update for you insomniacs out there!**_

_**Ahhh this is my favourite chapter. Although, when you read the end you will probably all hate me...anyway, I'll let you read and leave another little A/N at the end! Warning* Shannons rape is talked about in this chapter, don't read if it is likely to upset or offend you. **_

* * *

><p>It was 7pm by the time Lawson walked slowly into the house, with a bag of Chinese food in his hand and threw his keys on the bench. He looked around, seeing that almost every light in the house was turned on.<p>

"Shannon," he called out to no response.

"Shan," he said again walking slowly around the house, turning off the lights. As he walked into his bedroom he saw Shannon snuggled under the blankets hugging a pillow in Lawson's place. He smirked seeing Shannon was half awake.

"Nice to know a pillow can replace me so easily," he said as he lay down next to her, throwing the pillow aside.

"Mmmm, pillows don't snore," she said, her voice heavily laced with sleep.

"True," Lawson grinned.

"But they also don't bring you dinner home. Never call you. And the definitely can't do this," he continued as he leaned over and kissed Shannon softly on the lips. When she didn't protest he continued kissing her and softly stoked her face.

"Mmm, I love you," he whispered between kisses and slowly snaked his hand around Shannon's waist.

Shannon had shut her eyes, almost enjoying her intimate moment with Lawson. But the minute he had said that he loved her she felt sick. He wouldn't want to be doing this if he knew. He wouldn't love her. She felt like she was leading him on, and ruining his life because of her secret. Knowing it would be impossible for her to walk out on him and never speak to him again, she knew she would have to tell him. To give him an out so he could love someone happy and shiny. She savoured the last few seconds of the kiss, feeling a lone tear stream down her cheek.

"Lawson," she said as he kept kissing her, a pleading in her voice.

"Mmmm," was all he mumbled in response.

"Stop, please," she gasped desperately and immediately climbed out of the bed as he stopped hovering above her.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" he said anxiously, seeing the trace of a tear on her face.

"No, it's fine," she replied, losing all her resolve at telling him the minute she could see his face.

"I'm, um...just hungry,"

"Oh, right. Well dinner is in the kitchen. Are you sure I didn't hurt you, you look upset," he said as he followed her out of the room.

"I'm fine Lawson. You didn't hurt me, relax,"

"Fine," he grumbled in response.

"By the way, why did you have all the lights on? Trying to wack me with a $2000 power bill?" he looked at Shannon expectantly.

"Shit, sorry I um didn't realise," she said looking away, a fraction of colour draining from her face.

"Shan, it's fine," he said trying to laugh it off when he saw she actually looked upset about it.

"I got Chinese for us. From that place we used to go to," he stopped talking when he saw the colour drain from Shannon's face.

"Ok Shannon. Seriously, what is going on? You look pale," he said.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I just guess I'm still not feeling well,"

"You don't have to apologise for being sick," he said wrapping her in his arms.

"But I do wish you had told me you had collapsed so I didn't look like the world's biggest dick of a boyfriend in front of Kerry today,"

"Sorry, I just didn't want you freaking out," she said.

"I would not have freaked out," he scoffed.

"Lawson, you wouldn't let me put on a DVD yesterday because you were concerned about me over exerting myself,"

"Yeah, well I just want you to get better."

"I know, but walking around helps. Like today, I walked around Coles and did some grocery shopping," she said cautiously knowing he probably hadn't had the chance to see the stocked up fridge.

"You did what?" he said angrily.

"Shannon, you have pneumonia, you need to rest. I know you think you can do everything and that you don't need anyone to help you, but can you please just not do anything stupid," Lawson said angrily.

"Did you just call me stupid?" Shannon yelled indignantly.

"No, you know I didn't," Lawson responded, his temper flaring again.

"I just want to know why you are being so bloody reckless and you won't even tell me what the hell is going on," he continued.

Shannon opened her mouth as she tried to build up the courage to tell Lawson.

"I think I'm just going to go home," she said searching around for her bag.

"No, Shannon wait. I didn't mean that I want you to leave, I just want you to realise it isn't just you anymore. I'm here, ok?" he tried to reason with her, though he could still feel his anger bubbling away.

She looked back at him, clearly uncertain of what to do.

"I'm sorry, I just..." she started to feel unsteady and quickly blinked attempting to rid herself of the dizziness.

"There is no way you can drive home now Shan. Come one, just sit down," he said closing the distance between them.

"Actually, I think I just want to sleep," she said taking a step back.

Lawson rubbed his forehead in frustration as he watched Shannon walk towards his bedroom.

"Are you..um, going to come to bed?" Shannon suddenly turned and asked Lawson.

"Um, yeah I'll be there later. You don't want to have something to eat first? I thought you were hungry," he said looking at the now cold Chinese laying neglected on the table.

"I'll have it tomorrow," she said before she walked into his room and curled up on the bed. She briefly heard the distant ring of Lawson's house phone before slipping into an unsettling sleep.

* * *

><p>"Hello," Lawson answered the phone wearily, feeling a headache building inside his skull.<p>

"Hi Lawson, it's Kerry...are you ok?" she asked hearing the tone of Lawson's voice.

"Yeah it's fine, just Shannon being the worst patient ever,"

"You mean, she's with you?" Kerry said sounding surprised.

"Is there a reason you sound like this is news to you? It's not like we started going out yesterday," he rolled his eyes as he spoke.

"I don't mean that idiot, I mean actually physically with you, at this moment,"

"Well she was until she had a meltdown after I yelled at her for going shopping today,"

"You did what Lawson?" Kerry said angrily.

"Kerry, she has pneumonia and she went on a trip to Coles for 3 hours in the middle of Melbourne's winter,"

"Well can I speak to her?"

"And here I was thinking you wanted to speak to me. Guess it's not really surprising though, you have been avoiding me all day,"

"Don't be juvenile Lawson, I have not been avoiding you. Can I speak to her or not?" Kerry said bluntly.

"That would be a no, she is asleep and I'm not waking her up," Lawson said.

"Just tell her to call me tomorrow and keep her bloody phone on. And don't yell at her Lawson, she is sick and the last thing she needs is you having a go at her,"

"Hang on, this isn't my fault," Lawson said outraged.

"Did I say that it was?" Kerry replied.

"Just use your day off tomorrow to make her feel better, not worse," she continued.

"Well thank you for that sound advice Oprah, because that isn't exactly what I have been trying to do all week," he replied sarcastically.

"I'll see you in a couple of days smart arse," Kerry replied before hanging up.

"She's at Lawson's" Kerry said turning towards Stella, who was sitting in her office.

"Oh, thank god," Stella paused briefly before continuing.

"I'm going to assume then that she hasn't told him,"

"No, from what I got from Lawson, they had a fight when he got home,"

"You're friends with her Stel, you know her better than me. Do you think she is ever going to tell him?" Kerry asked.

"I don't know. She likes to be independent, fight things for herself. I don't think she has the easiest relationship with her family, only because she never talks about them. I don't think she is used to relying on someone else and to tell him would, I dunno, in her eyes make her seem needy or inadequate,"

"Which is ridiculous and irrational," Kerry interrupted.

"Shannon is a complicated human being. As is Lawson. Whether she tells him or not, this is going to change her and he is going to notice. I think this is too big for her to fix alone."

* * *

><p>Lawson lay on his side of the bed, staring at Shannon sleeping. It was just after 1 am and he was yet to get to sleep. Shannon had been tossing and turning, restlessly all night. As much as he loved her, he felt frustrated with her distance. He lay on his back staring at the ceiling, thinking when suddenly he heard a whimper next to him. He sat up quickly and looked at Shannon, who was breathing unevenly. She had tears falling slowly down her face and was mumbling incoherently, though Lawson did hear his name.<p>

"Shannon," he said loudly, to no effect.

He began to get concerned at how distressed Shannon was getting. She had begun to gasp for air and was quietly screaming. Lawson leaned across and flicked the bedside lamp on as Shannon's eyes instantly flew open. She was disoriented and confused as her eyes quickly scanned the room.

"Shannon, it's me," Lawson said gently.

"I..um.." Shannon spluttered over her words still attempting to regain control of her breathing, fear in her voice.

"Shan, you're having a panic attack. Well, I think you're having a panic attack. You need to breathe deeply," he thought his words would help until he realised how much pain it was causing her. He tried to think back to the first aid training they had only done two months ago.

"Shit," he cursed quietly.

"Ok Shannon, cup your hands over your mouth and nose, breathe in," Lawson said knowing he had to try and increase the oxygen going into her lungs.

"Come on Shannon," he tried desperately as she hugged her knees but continued to take large gulps of air.

He reached out to try and put his hands over her mouth, worried if she didn't slow down her respiratory rate she would pass out. He instantly regretted it however when Shannon recoiled from him.

"NO," she screamed out in fear and threw a punch at Lawson, narrowly missing his face but making contact with the side of his shoulder.

"Shannon relax it's just me, it's Lawson," he said as Shannon made a dash for the door. She flung it open quickly and ran into the kitchen. Lawson hesitantly followed her, more confused than ever about what the hell was going on.

As Shannon blindly fumbled for a light, the room came into focus and she suddenly realised where she was. She felt her heart rate start to slow down as she quickly walked across to the sink to fill up a glass of water. She heard a rustle behind her and turned around quickly, seeing Lawson hovering in the doorway.

"You sure haven't lost your ability to throw a punch," he tried to break the tension.

"I'm really sorry, I was still half asleep and I couldn't see and..."

"It's ok Shan, you were scared, that much I do know," he interrupted.

She turned back towards the sink, not even able to look at him and not missing his subtle hint that he had no idea what was going on. She quickly wiped away the tears and reached out for a glass with a shaking hand.

"Here," Lawson said walking up behind Shannon as he saw her shaking hand and grabbed the glass from her, filling it with water. She remained silent, almost numb as she leant against the sink and sipped from the glass.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lawson gently prodded.

"No," Shannon said quickly.

She saw Lawson turn away from her as he tried hard to mask his frustration with her.

"It was just a nightmare. I used to get them when I was little. It's just because I'm sick and it's stressing me out ok,"

"Mmmm," he mumbled in response.

"It must have been a bad nightmare, you were having a panic attack,"

"Oh, I don't really remember," she lied.

"You said my name," Lawson told her.

"I did?" she looked up in surprise.

They stood across from each other, Lawson's eyes sweeping over Shannon's fragile figure as he silently observed her.

"I'm really tired," she sighed and held out her hand to Lawson.

"Can we go back to bed?"

"Oh, um yeah if you want," Lawson responded surprised but grabbed her hand as she led him back down to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry I punched you," she said as she lay down on the bed.

"Well at least you missed my beautiful face. If you'd bruised this chiselled jaw line, it might have been a deal breaker," he joked.

Usually Shannon would have retaliated with a smart arse comment about how no one else thought he was funny. Instead she remained silent as Lawson slid into the bed.

He sighed and turned his head to look at her.

"I think we need to talk," he whispered into the dark night.

Shannon cringed at his words. Knowing he was going to break up with her, she knew he deserved a reason. As she turned to face him she smiled sadly.

"I know. But can we talk later I just...not yet,"

"In the morning," he said lovingly, leaning over and stroking her face.

Shannon linked her fingers with his and turned to lay on her side. They lay spooning on the bed, Lawson wrapping his arms protectively around Shannon, her hand still laced with his. He felt her relax and slowly drift off to sleep and he closed his eyes tiredly, slowly feeling himself relax with Shannon in his arms.

* * *

><p>Lawson heard a bird softly chirping outside his window and slowly opened his eyes to look at the alarm clock blinking brightly by the bed side. He sighed at the fact even on his days off he was awake before 6 am had come around. He still had his arms around Shannon, as she held onto his hand keeping it around her waist. He could feel the shallow breaths she was taking and suspected she was awake although she was making no effort to move.<p>

Shannon had been awake long before Lawson, watching each minute tick over on the digital clock. She felt Lawson shift behind her, pulling her closer in to the warmth of his body and his breathing become light and more regular. She had decided this was when she was going to tell him. In the darkness, so she didn't have to see the look of contempt or anger or whatever else it was she saw every time she had a nightmare about his reaction.

"You aren't going to like what I have to say," she began.

"Right," Lawson replied uncertainly.

"I just, I don't want you to interrupt. Because then I might not tell you. But I have to tell you because you deserve to know and.." she rambled before Lawson interrupted.

"Just tell me Shannon, whatever it is I promise we will get through it,"

"I said don't interrupt," she said shakily.

"And don't make promises like that,"

Lawson could feel Shannon's nervousness as he held her hand, her palm was sweaty and he could feel her pulse racing.

"That night, before we did the deal with Joe,"

"Midori shots?" he replied.

"Yeah, I went out with people I went to school with. I didn't drink much because I knew I had to be at work early,"

"You didn't answer your phone,"

"I couldn't,"

"What do you mean?" Lawson replied as he tried to work out where the conversation was going.

"We went out in Northcote, to a place we used to go to for uni bar nights. I decided to leave early, I felt dizzy and nauseous,"

When Lawson didn't say anything Shannon continued on quietly. She tried to tell it like a story, like an event that had happened to someone else. She didn't want to think about it or feel it again.

"I heard a loud noise behind me when I stepped into the laneway near the bar. So I walked further into the lane to see what it was,"

Lawson could feel all the tension in Shannon's body as she was speaking. He squeezed her hand, urging her to continue.

"I felt the cold metal of a gun barrel on my cheek and then the gun hammer clicked as someone got ready to shoot me. I thought I was going to die," she said in an emotional voice.

"I choked Lawson. I was so scared, I couldn't move,"

"Shannon, you were in a laneway alone with a gun to your head, there isn't much you could have done," he tried to reassure her although he started feeling angry at whoever had instilled such a deep fear in his girlfriend. At the person that had created all these problems for Shannon and for him. He thought that was the worst of it, that Shannon would tell him that she got away but she didn't know who it was.

But then, she continued.

"I tried to run but then he...he grabbed my wrist and put his hand over my mouth. Then he put the gun to my temple and told me if I screamed or fought he would kill me,"

Lawson didn't say anything as he tried to get what she was saying to sink in.

"He threw me down on the stones so hard Lawson. I promise I tried to fight him but he was there with a gun and on top of me, I'd hit my head and I couldn't fight him off," Lawson's eyes widened in shock, now almost sure of what Shannon was trying to tell him. He still couldn't see her face, neither having moved from their sleeping position but could feel her tears falling on his hand.

"By the time I was conscious I was somewhere different in the lane way and he was all over me and...it was awful," she choked out.

"Shannon, someone bashed you that night. At gun point? And you didn't tell me?" his mind was reeling, and he felt sick that someone had hurt her so badly. But more, that he didn't know until now.

"I was attacked that night Lawson, he broke my ribs which gave me pneumonia. I..." Shannon stumbled over her words.

"It wasn't a mugging or a bashing," she continued.

"What?" Lawson said, now confused.

"It was...I was, raped," the words shocked even Shannon, for whom it was the first time she had said it out loud.

All Lawson could feel was anger, intense hatred that he had never felt before in his life.

He sat up, untangling his hand from Shannon's and yelled louder than he intended,

"YOU WERE WHAT?"

"I'm sorry," she cried as she felt the warmth of his hand leave hers and the bubble that had surrounded them burst.

"I'm so sorry," she said again before jumping out of the bed knowing how angry Lawson was. She didn't want him to yell like he did in her nightmares. She ran outside the bedroom, feeling dirty all over again. Lawson hadn't followed her out, she felt like she'd lost everything and the familiar feeling of bile quickly rose through her throat. Running into the bathroom to throw up, Shannon felt numb. She turned Lawson's shower on and stepped in, still wearing Lawson's borrowed clothes she had worn to bed. Slowly sliding down the wall she put her hands around her knees and felt the hot water stream down her face, mixing with the tears she hadn't realised she was crying Shannon shut her eyes, wanting it to all be over.

* * *

><p><strong>And I bet you all thought Shannon was going to go missing. Oh no, she just went to coles. So this was the big chapter of Shannon FINALLY telling lawson. It was the way I had always planned him on finding out and the next chapter is already planned so I know exactly what is going to happen now! Any predictions? Or are you all too angry with me after this doozie of a cliffhangerwhat the moment to leave reviews. **

**I know a lot of you have been hanging out for her to tell him so let me know if it met your expectations!**

**Finally, I really wanted to thank kirst92, bella,blake, aby7777, selanc and everyone else who regularly leaves me feedback. Makes me feel as happy as a cheshire cat at a tea party. **


	10. Don't speak

_QUICK RECAP (or you could just read the last chapter)_

"It was...I was, raped," the words shocked even Shannon, for whom it was the first time she had said it out loud.

All Lawson could feel was anger, intense hatred that he had never felt before in his life.

He sat up, untangling his hand from Shannon's and yelled louder than he intended,

"YOU WERE WHAT?"

"I'm sorry," she cried as she felt the warmth of his hand leave hers and the bubble that had surrounded them burst.

"I'm so sorry," she said again before jumping out of the bed knowing how angry Lawson was. She didn't want him to yell like he did in her nightmares. She ran outside the bedroom, feeling dirty all over again. Lawson hadn't followed her out, she felt like she'd lost everything and the familiar feeling of bile quickly rose through her throat. Running into the bathroom to throw up, Shannon felt numb. She turned Lawson's shower on and stepped in, still wearing Lawson's borrowed clothes she had worn to bed. Slowly sliding down the wall she put her hands around her knees and felt the hot water stream down her face, mixing with the tears she hadn't realised she was crying Shannon shut her eyes, wanting it to all be over.

* * *

><p>Lawson had never been this angry in his life. He sat on the bed, his head spinning with unanswered questions. He wanted to find this person and kill them. He closed his eyes, cringing as he replayed what Shannon had told him over again in his head. He felt sick as he thought about someone else touching her, kissing her as she struggled to fight them off. He stood up and smashed the alarm clock into the wall behind the bed, angrily cursing. He wanted to smash everything in the room but as he went to pick up a book resting on the table, his eyes fell on a photo of him and Shannon. She was beaming happily at Lawson as he gave her a bear hug while they stood in front of the MCG after Hawthorn had narrowly beaten Collingwood in the last round of 2010.<p>

Suddenly the only thing he could think of was Shannon.

"Shit," he mumbled as he put down the photo and went to find Shannon. He worried she might have left until he paced past the second bathroom and heard the running water of the shower. The door was half open and he knocked gently on the outside.

"Shannon," he said.

"Can I come in?"

When he heard nothing he spoke again.

"Shan,"

"Go away Lawson," he heard her say quietly.

"Not a chance in hell Shannon," he replied quickly.

He paused briefly, hearing the shower door slide open. He waited a few minutes, not sure if she was getting changed before speaking.

"I'm going to come in ok," uncertainty lacing his voice.

He pushed the door open surprised when he couldn't see Shannon. His eyes flickered towards the running water and he saw her curled up in the corner of the shower. Her elbows were resting on her knees, her head buried in her hands.

Slowly Lawson moved towards her before reaching to turn the taps off.

"Leave it running," Shannon said without looking at him. She wasn't crying, instead just blankly staring ahead like she was in a state of shock.

Lawson awkwardly stood in the door way waiting for Shannon to make the first move. Suddenly he noticed her shivering and felt the water, realising it had gone cold.

"Shannon," he said crouching down.

"The water is really cold and you have pneumonia..."

Shannon interrupted Lawson quickly,

"I don't care. Just leave it on, I feel disgusting,"

"Well I do care," he said as he turned the taps off.

"Pfft," Shannon scoffed disbelievingly.

Lawson felt like he had been kicked in the guts as he looked at Shannon, soaking wet and shivering where she sat on the shower floor. He didn't know what else to do besides sit down beside her.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

"I'm sitting down," he said.

"I'd rather you not be sitting here when you break up with me. It would be easier if you just.."

"Sorry, but no one is breaking up with anyone," he said, shocked that Shannon would think he would end everything.

"It's fine Lawson," she said in a tone that told Lawson she thought it was anything but fine, but didn't want him to know.

"I needed to tell you so that you didn't think it was your fault. I love you and I want you to be happy and..."

"Shannon stop talking," Lawson interrupted.

"I love you too, and I am happy. Well not at this moment, I'm angry and pissed off. But you make me happy," he told her.

"I used to make you happy, now I'm damaged goods," she said.

"No Shannon, listen to me ok," Lawson said firmly and put his hand on Shannon's knee as she still avoided his eyes.

"You are not damaged goods and you most definitely are not disgusting," when Shannon didn't say anything he continued.

"Something disgusting happened to you but that isn't your fault. And we're not breaking up. You are stuck with me because I am not going anywhere,"

"So you're going to stay with me out of pity? I can't do that to you Lawson, it needs to end,"

"Shannon you aren't getting this. I am staying with you because I love you. I was never intending on breaking up with you and you telling me this isn't going to change that,"

For the first time since she had told him, Shannon looked into Lawson's eyes and could see a mixture of hurt, anger and love looking back at her.

"You're angry with me," she sighed and looked away.

"Shan, I'm angry at whoever hurt you. Furious that I wasn't there to protect and yeah, I'm hurt you didn't tell me earlier but I know why you didn't," he said as he put out his hand.

"What?" she said looking at his hand.

"I was shocked and angry when you told me and all I could think about was how pissed off I was. I let go of your hand but I promise you, I am not going anywhere. I want to marry you and have cynical, super fit, hardcore, adorable kids with you,"

"I hope that wasn't a proposal because it was shit. And I don't think I'm exactly mother material Lawson," Shannon replied almost smiling.

"Well I disagree but regardless, we have some more important things to talk about,"

Shannon sighed and grabbed Lawson's hand.

"You really aren't going anywhere?" she asked hesitantly.

He gently squeezed her hand and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"We are going to be fine Shan, ok? I'm here to stay,"

Lawson could tell she was still in shock and she had started to shiver again from the cold of the water.

"Shannon," Lawson said cautiously.

"I'm really worried that you're going to get sicker if we don't move,"

She didn't say anything but Lawson could tell she was exhausted. He stood up, still holding her hand.

"Come on Shan, let's go,"

"Can you just go and get me some clothes? Trackies or something so I can get changed," she said still not standing up.

"Um yeah ok," he said.

Lawson rummaged through the draws full of Shannon's clothes, attempting to find something warm and comfortable. He quickly grabbed a towel from the linen cupboard and walked back into the bathroom. Shannon had pulled herself out of the shower and was leaning against the bathroom basin.

"Thanks," she mumbled as Lawson handed her the clothes.

"I'll um...I'll let you get changed," he said as he walked slowly back to his bedroom. He started pacing around the room, analysing everything Shannon had said to him, attempting to start working out how he could track down the son of a bitch that had hurt her.

* * *

><p>Shannon stood half dressed, looking at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. The bruises had almost completely faded although she could see the subtle outline of where the more severe ones remained. She felt a stinging pain on her back and realised that the bandages Tash had put on her back had half fallen off and a few of the cuts had again become irritated. Tash had told her they were infected and to make sure the bandages were kept dry and secure to stop more bacteria getting in, something she had totally forgotten since leaving the hospital.<p>

"Shit," she said as attempted to reach around and peel the other half of the bandage off. She could see the inflamed injuries, the scars of where Frank had cut her back with a knife to keep her quiet. Even though her attack had been almost a month ago her scars still felt very raw.

She quickly realised she didn't have any bandages with her and there was no way she was going to be able to leave the already infected cuts un covered to get worse. She rummaged around Lawson's bathroom cabinets, knowing that he kept the first aid kit in the linen cupboard outside his room and another in the kitchen but hoping that maybe he had moved it.

"Argh," Shannon groaned in pain as she slowly peeled the rest of the bandage off.

"Crap," she said as she saw the full extent of the infected cut.

When Shannon hadn't come out of the bathroom for 15 minutes Lawson started to get worried. He walked down the hallway, stopping abruptly outside the bathroom door.

"Shannon, is everything ok?" he asked through the door.

"Um, yeah I'm fine," she responded, Lawson picking up on the quivering of her voice.

"Shannon," he said, warning in his voice.

"Lawson," she responded sarcastically.

"It's good to see that bout of pneumonia has done nothing to dampen your sarcastic wit," he said dryly.

"I try hard Lawson," she said as she pulled the rest of the second bandage off and let out an involuntary shout of pain.

"Shannon," Lawson said panicked and without thinking barged into the bathroom.

"Holy shit," was the first thing that came out of Lawson's mouth when he saw Shannon's inflamed back.

"Get out Lawson," Shannon yelled in his face, embarrassed that he saw her injuries.

"No, Shannon I told you, I'm not going anywhere. This is one occasion where it's not ok for you to not want my help," he told her as he recovered from the initial shock of her bruised and bloodied back.

"I want to talk about this," he said quietly.

Shannon felt extremely vulnerable standing in the bathroom with Lawson and could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

"Well I don't" she snapped back.

He sighed, realising how hard things were going to be for them.

"Here," Lawson said passing her the top he'd gotten for her earlier.

"Put that on, come back to the bedroom and I'll get some bandages and I will help you fix this,"

Shannon gently reached out and grabbed the top from Lawson, attempting to put it on without screaming in pain. Lawson slowly guided her back to his room where she lay on the bed, her head buried in the pillow.

"Shan, why didn't you tell me your back was like this?"

"Because I didn't what you doing exactly what you are doing now," she mumbled.

"Which is what, being a supportive boyfriend?" he said, a little more indignantly than he had meant.

"No, looking at me like that," she responded.

"I knew the minute you saw this you would be completely repulsed and.."

She trailed off, her tiredness and the medication making things hazy and she suddenly found herself forgetting her train of thought.

"Shannon, you are injured ok? You need to make sure you don't make your injuries worse. And stop saying shit about yourself, it's not true,"

All Shannon could do was sigh and give in to Lawson. She knew he was being more supportive of her than she could ever have imagined yet still she felt a nagging insecurity tugging at her heart.

"I'm going to put new bandages on your back ok. Please tell me if I am hurting you," Lawson said softly as he sat on the other side of the bed.

Shannon mumbled something incoherent as she shut her eyes tightly and hugged the pillow. When she refused to say anything Lawson started talking and quickly found he couldn't stop. All he wanted to do was to get Shannon to understand what he was thinking.

"You know, something pretty bad happened to my girlfriend. But she doesn't really want to talk to me about it," he said.

"She is beautiful, talented, smart and bloody hardcore," he continued when he could see Shannon's eyes fighting to stay awake.

"And all I want to do is help her. Because I love her and I'm with her no matter what. And I don't think she gets that sometimes because she is really upset. But so am I. But I want to be upset and angry and hurting with her, not alone," he said as he was finishing the last of the bandages. He saw Shannon had drifted off to sleep and kissed her on the head before walking out. The minute Shannon wasn't there with him he wanted to smash something. He walked out to the garage where his boxing bag was swinging from the roof and threw a few punches at it. He didn't even bother to put on gloves before putting all his anger into hitting it as hard as he could.

After a while Lawson stopped punching, his brow covered in a layer of sweat. He looked down at his shaking hands where his knuckles were starting to bruise. He exhaled a long shaky breath and swore quietly. He wandered back into the house and changed into clean clothes before sitting in bed with Shannon. She was still asleep, albeit not peacefully but at least asleep. He lay down next to her feeling tiredness and worry wash over him at once. He felt an overwhelming need to be close to her so he gently grabbed her hand. Even though she was asleep she turned on her side and wrapped her other hand around his body.

As Lawson watched her stressed face, he pulled her closer and hugged her.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you," he said sadly to her sleeping form before closing his eyes and attempting to sleep away the last 24 hours.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Hey guys, thought I would do two smaller updates this week because I felt like this chapter was too depressing to keep writing the next part. SO, I will update again on thursday arvo! **

**yay for lawson not being a prick right?**

**Hope you like this chapter, let me know what you think!**

**Thanks for all your nice reviews xx**


	11. How to save a life

_QUICK RECAP (or you could just read the last chapter)_

_After a while Lawson stopped punching, his brow covered in a layer of sweat. He looked down at his shaking hands where his knuckles were starting to bruise. He exhaled a long shaky breath and swore quietly. He wandered back into the house and changed into clean clothes before sitting in bed with Shannon. She was still asleep, albeit not peacefully but at least asleep. He lay down next to her feeling tiredness and worry wash over him at once. He felt an overwhelming need to be close to her so he gently grabbed her hand. Even though she was asleep she turned on her side and wrapped her other hand around his body._

_As Lawson watched her stressed face, he pulled her closer and hugged her._

_"I'm sorry I didn't protect you," he said sadly to her sleeping form before closing his eyes and attempting to sleep away the last 24 hours._

* * *

><p>Lawson slept restlessly that morning and was awoken abruptly to a collection of loud noises around his house. He felt the space next to him, expecting to find Shannon still asleep. Instead the other side of the bed was cold and empty, which did little to settle his already worried mind. He quickly jumped out of bed, realising the loud clanging sound was that of his washing machine and dryer both running simultaneously.<p>

"Shannon," he said as he walked into the kitchen.

"I'm in the laundry," she yelled back at him.

"Er, what are you doing?" he asked.

"The washing Lawson, what does it look like I'm doing?" she replied obviously.

"Why are you not resting?" he asked as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"I can't spend the next week just sleeping Lawson," Shannon said as she turned to face him.

"Maybe we could spend some time talking then," he suggested.

Shannon didn't even bother replying, instead just pushing past Lawson and walking into the kitchen.

"Do they have any suspects?" he persisted.

"What?" Shannon asked confused.

"The cops. Do they know who..." Lawson hesitated, "who hurt you," he finished.

Shannon inhaled sharply and looked away, busying herself by putting dishes in the sink.

"So what, now you're just going to ignore me Shan?"

"I just don't want to think about it Lawson,"

"I don't want to either but I need you to help me understand, I need you to talk to me,"

"What the hell is there to understand? I was raped, talking about it isn't going to take it back or make it any better Lawson," she said angrily.

"I don't want to push you into this, but talking will make it better,"

"Nothing will make it better Lawson," was all Shannon could say quietly.

"When we find him, the son of a bitch will rot in jail for the rest of his miserable life. If I don't bloody kill him," Shannon closed her eyes breathing out as she tried to keep her emotions in check.

"It's not going to happen Lawson," she said.

"What do you mean? Of course it is,"

"I'm going to get onto the D's investigating and..." suddenly Lawson stopped and looked at Shannon.

"Shit Shannon, you did report it didn't you?" he said sighing, although he already knew the answer.

"I just couldn't do it Lawson. I was so confused I just didn't know how to fix it,"

"Why didn't you come to me that night? You know I would have come with you,"

Lawson slowly walked around to the side of kitchen table where Shannon was standing. He could see tears glistening in her eyes and sighed.

"Shan," was all he said as he pulled her into his arms.

"Look Lawson, I know you want to help me but...I need you to be patient. And just not freak out at me,"

"I'm not going to freak out Shannon," he replied as he grabbed her hand and they walked to the couch.

Shannon looked back at him sceptically but started talking none the less.

"I've been having nightmares," she continued as they sat down.

"I know," he said sadly, holding her hand.

"Sometimes it's just like it's happening all over again. Like I can't get away,"

Lawson felt as though he was about to throw up as Shannon was talking, a lump forming in his throat.

"What do you mean sometimes?" he asked.

Shannon looked away from Lawson and was staring at her feet.

"I didn't think you'd stay," she mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"I kept having a nightmare that when I told you, you were so angry you didn't want to talk to me again. If I told you then you wouldn't want me anymore. So I convinced myself that I couldn't tell you if I wanted to stay with you, "

"Shannon," Lawson said in shock.

"But I felt guilty because all I was doing was ruining everything and it was all my fault and..." Shannon began to ramble.

"Stop," Lawson said as he wiped away the lone tear that was falling down Shannon's cheek.

"Ok, let me tell you, none of this is your fault. Nothing you could have done makes this your fault. I don't know what happened in that lane way and I hope that you can tell me so I can help you, but what I do know is that it's not your fault. Can you tell me what happened that night?" he hesitantly asked her.

Shannon's eyes were glassy and she was staring into the distance, a passive look covering her face. Lawson knew that Shannon was somewhere else, in a part of her mind that protected her from having to deal with the reality of what had happened. It concerned Lawson that she couldn't vocalise anything to him about the night of her attack. He didn't know what to do, as Shannon sat frozen on the couch.

"Shan? Can you hear me?" he said.

"mmm" was all she mumbled.

"I need to go," she suddenly said.

"What? No Shannon, wait," he said alarmed that she was going to leave.

"No Lawson, I don't have my medication with me. I left some of it at home and I need to take it otherwise it'll be even longer before I'm back at work," she said as she stood up.

"Well will you at least let me drive you?"

"Um, fine I guess," she said frowning. Honestly she didn't feel like driving, her head hurt and she felt drained of all her emotions.

"I'll just get changed, give me five," Lawson said to Shannon who was busy attempting to find her bag.

* * *

><p><p>

The ride to Shannon's house had been in almost complete silence. As they pulled up outside, Lawson saw a stationary car sitting directly across from the entrance to her apartment. As Shannon climbed out of the Lawson's blue truck the dark coloured Camry sped off suddenly in the opposite direction. Shannon was already walking up the pebbled entrance and noticed nothing but Lawson felt uneasy at the abruptness with which it had sped off. He thought nothing more of it however as he walked up the stairs to find Shannon.

He could hear her shuffling things around in the bathroom, obviously attempting to find something. He noticed the bag of food on the table and various other things scattered around the kitchen and living room. His girlfriend was far from messy and it surprised Lawson to see so many things out of place. He threw out all the scattered rubbish and cleaned the various things off the bench top.

"I'm just going to chuck this in the bin Shan," he yelled out as he began to walk outside.

"Whatever," she replied.

When Lawson opened the bin he saw a collection of small photo albums lying on the top with several pages torn out. He frowned, reaching into the bin and flicking through the photos. Suddenly he heard rustling leaves to his left and Shannon appeared carrying her bag.

"What are you doing?" she asked accusingly.

"I found these photos when I went to put the rubbish in,"

"Yeah well they are rubbish which is why they are in there," she frowned at him.

"These aren't rubbish Shannon, they are photos of you when you were younger. Very cute by the way," he smiled softly at her.

"Lawson," she said sharply as she snapped the photos from his grasp and threw them back in the bin.

"You've never talked to me about your childhood," he said to her as she turned around to leave.

"It's not something I want to discuss. Not now anyway," she replied.

"Come on, let's go," she said as she walked away.

Lawson opened the recycle bin and was alarmed at the number of alcohol bottles there were. He knew that Stella and Shannon had been partying pretty hard since Michael died but he was concerned when he realised what it was Shannon was really trying to forget. He threw the old newspapers in on the top before quickly glancing around, seeing Shannon already walking to the car. He opened the bin again grabbing one of the photos of Shannon. She was standing on a river bank holding a lizard and grinning proudly, an older boy on her right seemed to be scared of the lizard as Shannon shoved it towards him and a grown man whom Lawson assumed was Shannon's father standing on her left pointing to something distant that couldn't be seen. The older boy's face looked vaguely familiar to Lawson although he couldn't quite place where from. He quickly pocketed the photo before dumping the rest of the rubbish in the bin and heading up to the car.

"Got everything?" he asked Shannon as he climbed in the driver's seat.

"Yep," she replied simply as she started typing a text message to Stella.

"Why are you still using a work phone?" Lawson asked confused.

"I thought you said you left it at your place,"

"No, what I said was I didn't have it,"

"Oh, right well where is it? Those work phones are crap, they always drop out," Lawson began before seeing the look on Shannon's face.

"What?" he asked her.

"Kerry took it," she said quickly. She had never expected to tell Lawson as much as she had today but the more she told him, the less guilty she felt.

"Why would Kerry take it?" Lawson responded, confused.

He turned to look at Shannon who was avoiding his eyes and who's face had started to turn red.

"Does she know what happened?" he asked.

Shannon sighed before speaking again.

"She found out a few days ago. When I collapsed Tash had to examine me. I was unconscious and she called Kerry in to the hospital. Stella ended up there too,"

"Yeah, Stella came around in a strange state that night looking for you," Lawson said surprised.

"I didn't want anyone to know but Tash worked it out, and then Kerry and Stella worked it out too, and then suddenly people knew," Shannon said.

"But it didn't make me feel any better," she continued.

"So why does Kerry have you phone?" Lawson asked but was interrupted when his phone started ringing. He hung up when he saw it was Kerry before turning back to Shannon.

As he opened his mouth to speak his phone began ringing again.

"Answer it Lawson, she will keep calling," Shannon said before looking out the window.

"What?" Lawson answered abruptly.

"Lawson, I need you to come in this afternoon," Kerry said shortly.

"Kerry I can't, Shannon and I are busy,"

"Lawson, Josh is away until next week, Charlie has gone home sick and I obviously can't get Shannon in. I need a senior officer here,"

"Seriously, Shannon and I are trying to deal with some stuff," he said tersely before hanging up.

"Lawson," Shannon said in a warning tone.

"Shannon, you are my number one priority at the moment ok?"

"And I appreciate that Lawson, but it has been a long day for me ok. I can't talk about this anymore, not today anyway," she said.

Suddenly Shannon's phone rang and she saw Kerry's name flashing across the screen.

"Hi Kerry," she said as she could see Lawson getting angry at Kerry beside her.

"You told him didn't you?" she said sadly.

"Yep,"

"How did he take it?" Kerry asked.

"How do you think Kerry?" Shannon replied sarcastically.

"Look, he is going to come in to work, ok?" Shannon said as Lawson shook his head silently telling her to stop talking.

"But only if I can come in too," she continued.

"No way," both Kerry and Lawson said simultaneously.

"Both of you listen. Just let me come in and do something at base, not be on duty. I'll just sit at the intel desk with Leon,"

"No," Kerry said at once although Shannon could see Lawson starting to break. She knew he wanted her to be close to him and not alone so she figured it would be easy to persuade him.

"I will come in if, and only if, Shannon can stay at base while I'm on duty," Lawson yelled out to Kerry.

There was silence on the other end of the phone as Kerry considered what to do.

"Fine, but we all need to have a chat when you get here ok?"

"Great, see you soon," Shannon grinned.

"Proud of yourself?" Lawson smirked as they drove off.

"Yep," she responded as she saw Lawson roll his eyes.

"You can't overdo it Shan," he began becoming serious.

"I mean it,"

"I know you do Lawson,"

"maybe," Lawson began before hesitating.

"Maybe you could start thinking about making a statement,"

"Lawson I'm not reporting it,"

"Shannon, you're a cop you have seen..." he started, his frustration escalating.

"That's exactly the point Lawson, I'm a cop. I don't want this to affect my career. And I am fine with what happened. I put it all in a little box in my head and until today forgot all about it. Now, you know what happened but I never want to think about it again. Ok?"

"No Shannon, not ok. I'm not ok with this. I can't sit back and pretend like you never told me. I can't let your rapist be out there walking the streets while you can't sleep at night. You aren't ok with what happened, you repressed what happened and there is a difference. You know those nightmares and the panic attacks are because you have tried to ignore this Shannon. You have a psychology degree, I know you understand that," Lawson lectured feeling the anger and frustration that had been bubbling away suddenly explode to the surface.

They had arrived at the TR base and Lawson sat in the car about to apologize when Shannon jumped out and stormed away.

"Shit," Lawson said as he tried to follow her but Kerry quickly cornered him. Having seen Shannon storm away she figured that she needed to de escalate the situation before things went from bad to worse.

"Lawson stop, just let her go,"

"I can't Kerry, I can't let her do this alone," Lawson said anxiously.

"She isn't doing it alone. But she needs time to work it out alone. Come on, my office I want to talk to you,"

Reluctantly Lawson followed Kerry into her office and shut the door behind him.

"So what are you doing about finding this piece of shit?'' Lawson asked Kerry.

"Lawson, Shannon hasn't made a complaint. You know I can't act on anything, not until she makes a statement,"

"That's bullshit Kerry we know where and when it happened, I want camera footage, local police logs, uniforms door knocking and a forensic team down there,"

"Ok Lawson firstly, Shannon didn't tell any of us where or even when it happened but given her behaviour in the last few weeks I think we can probably work it out. She didn't tell us anything. She didn't even tell us she was raped. Stella asked her and all she could do was nod,"

"She's repressing it all Kerry. Trying to ignore it, deny it happened. I don't know how to help her," Lawson said desperately.

"Just be there Lawson, that's all she wants from you. She was terrified at the hospital. So sure that you would hate her for what happened. We all tried to get her to call you but she was too upset to even see past her complete fear that you would bail. She went through that physical exam completely alone Lawson because this bastard destroyed her confidence to the point where she couldn't trust anything she was thinking at all so she just stopped processing everything," Kerry hesitated before continuing.

"I know she is trying to be strong and tough or whatever and you see sadness and guilt every time you look at her. But as a woman I can tell you, all I can see in her eyes is fear. Whatever this guy did to her, she is petrified Lawson, just give it time," Kerry tried to settle Lawson's temper.

"I can't sit back and do nothing," he said standing up.

"He hurt her Kerry. He held a gun to her head and cut her back with a knife to shut her up. He touched her and..." Lawson stoped, walked over to the side of Kerry's office, pacing quickly.

"That's only the stuff I know about, I don't know what else he did and I can't sit back and watch her act like this hasn't happened when that arsehole is still walking around out there. He tried to kill her," Lawson yelled kicking Kerry's filing cabinet and punching his hand through the far wall.

"Are you done?" Kerry said looking at Lawson who was shaking his hand out. She looked at his bruised knuckles before rubbing her head in frustration. What a mess, she thought to herself.

"Go and bandage your hand would you and put your uniform on, I'll go and find Shannon, ok?"

Lawson stormed out without another word to Kerry and into the change room to try and compose himself before going on duty.

* * *

><p>Kerry found Shannon sitting in the locker room staring blankly at the floor.<p>

"Shan," she said quietly as she sat down next to her.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she replied, her eyes still fixated on the ground.

"Well I doubt that," Kerry remarked.

"I didn't think through what would happen...what I would say if Lawson decided to stay. I was so sure he would just..." Shannon sighed.

"Lawson is so worried about how to help you. He has always been a protector, and now the person he was supposed to protect the most has been hurt in one of the worst ways possible. So he thinks it's his fault,"

"But it's not," Shannon said surprised.

"No, but can you see how sometimes we rationalise things to try and make sense of them but then all we do is make it worse?" Kerry counselled wisely.

"Don't fight his love Shannon, all he wants to do is help you,"

"I don't know how to let him help me," she admitted, vulnerability shadowing her features.

"Just talk, when you're ready. He will listen." Kerry said as she put her arm around Shannon.

"And when you are ready, you can report it and we can find this prick ok?" Kerry said and instantly noticed a change in Shannon. She tensed up and the suggestion and suddenly stood again.

"Thanks. I'll be at the desk with Leon,"

Kerry watched her walk away and frowned in concern. Something was still going on Shannon wasn't telling them and it worried her to think the young Sergeant was still trying to fight this alone.

* * *

><p><strong>HELLO!<strong>

**I justify this update today figuring that somewhere in the world it is still Thursday haha.**

**don't blame me, I got put off when I was babysitting and good old ABC3 was on and jolene anderson was on dance academy. **

**ANYWAY**

**so, do you think shannon should report the rape?**

**should she tell lawson and kerry she knows who attacked her?**

**and should she tell lawson the full story about what happened?**

**Let me know what you all think. hopefully the next chapter shannon will be all better and the action can kick start again. hoorah. **


	12. The man you love

_QUICK RECAP (again, you really should just read the last chapter)_

_"Don't fight his love Shannon, all he wants to do is help you,"_

_"I don't know how to let him help me," she admitted, vulnerability shadowing her features._

_"Just talk, when you're ready. He will listen." Kerry said as she put her arm around Shannon._

_"And when you are ready, you can report it and we can find this prick ok?" Kerry said and instantly noticed a change in Shannon. She tensed up and the suggestion and suddenly stood again._

_"Thanks. I'll be at the desk with Leon,"_

_Kerry watched her walk away and frowned in concern. Something was still going on Shannon wasn't telling them and it worried her to think the young Sergeant was still trying to fight this alone._

_**Important authors note at the end**_

* * *

><p>Shannon sat nervously outside the hospital room, her legs bouncing up and down and her hands fidgeting in her lap. She was waiting for her appointment with Tash, hoping to get clearance to be back at work. She was dreading something going wrong and also felt a niggling fear that the results from the numerous tests Tash had done would come back positive.<p>

"Relax Shannon, everything is going to be fine," Lawson said as he put his hand on her knee to stop her bouncing legs.

"Don't say that Lawson, you don't know that," she shot back at him.

"Shannon?" Tash called as she walked around the corner.

"Yep," Shannon said as she stood up and began to follow Tash.

"I'll be here when you're done," she heard Lawson say behind her. She gave him a small smile before continuing towards the exam room.

"Take a seat on the bed Shannon," Tash said as they walked in.

"So it's been nine days, how are your symptoms?"

"Gone," Shannon replied much too quickly.

"Shannon, I hate to break it to you but it can take 8 weeks for your cough to go away, even when we diagnose the pneumonia in its early stages," she said with raised eyebrows.

"Fine then, mostly gone," she sighed.

"Will you let me examine you?" Tash asked her.

Shannon nodded but Tash could see she was apprehensive and knew she was far from working through all the grief and emotional issues surrounding her rape.

* * *

><p>Lawson paced nervously up and down the hospital hallway, waiting for Shannon to emerge. He had slept very little since finding out what had happened to his girlfriend, spending hours trying to piece everything together in his head. She had continued to refuse to speak about it with anyone, including Lawson. Her nightmares had also started to intensify and Lawson knew she was getting even less sleep than him, which wasn't helping either of them. He sat back down on the hard, plastic chairs in the hospital and put his head in his hands.<p>

* * *

><p>"Alright Shannon, crackles are gone from your lungs which is a good sign and your back injuries are healing better now," Tash told Shannon as she let her finish getting changed.<p>

"Take a seat at the desk and we can talk about your other test results and where we go from here,"

Shannon felt sick again when she heard Tash's words, apprehension overcoming her once again. Tash saw Shannon's hesitation as she walked towards her desk. As she opened her mouth to speak and ease Shannon's fears, suddenly she spoke first.

"Wait," she said.

"What's wrong?" Tash asked surprised as she sat down.

"Is it um..." Shannon hesitated

"What?" Tash said expectantly when Shannon stopped talking.

"Is it alright for Lawson to come in for this? I mean, I know..." she trailed off not sure what she was trying to say.

"I think that's a really good idea Shannon," Tash said smiling at her. "Are you sure? You know we have a lot of stuff to talk about,"

"I'm sure, I think he needs to be here,"

"I'll go and get him, alright?" Tash replied as she stood up.

"Thanks," Shannon said releasing a breath she hadn't realised she was holding in. She felt her stomach in knots and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Lawson," Tash said as she walked into the hall and saw him with his head resting in his hands.

"Yeah, what's wrong? Where's Shannon? Is she ok?" he asked nervously as he saw Tash emerge alone.

"She's fine Lawson. I was about to have a chat with her about her results but she asked if you could be there," Tash told him.

"She asked for me?" Lawson said surprised.

"Yes, I think this is probably her saying she needs you, even if she hasn't told you that. So are you ok to come in or..." Tash trailed off awkwardly.

"Of course," he said following Tash.

As they walked back into the room Lawson observed Shannon sitting silently on the chair looking stressed, fiddling with the ring on her right hand. She looked up as Lawson walked towards her, fear and apprehension gracing her features. He quickly crossed the room and lightly kissed the top of her head.

"It's going to be fine Shan," he whispered in her ear and she nodded staying silently. He sat down next to her and grabbed her hand, before they both looked expectantly at Tash.

"So Shannon, your blood work is good. It showed no signs of any STDs or infections. You'll have to be tested again in two months but there was no concerns with any of your levels so that is more precautionary that anything. If you two are going to be sexually active just be careful as a safeguard,"

Although Lawson could tell Shannon was relieved with the results she had tensed up at mention of being intimate again. He stroked her hand, trying to remind her that he was still there.

"Physically, I'm happy with your progress. The knife marks and contusions are healing well and your follow up x-rays indicate the rib fractures have resolved,"

"Ok good, does that mean I can go back to work tomorrow?" Shannon asked hopefully.

"As I said, physically you are doing much better but I think we need to talk a bit more about the emotional reality of your situation,"

"I already told you I've dealt with it," Shannon said as she saw Lawson's head snap towards her, staring at her disbelievingly.

"Are you still having nightmares?" Tash asked.

"No," Shannon said at the same time Lawson answered, "yes,"

Lawson turned to Shannon not letting go of her hand.

"You haven't slept properly all week Shannon," Lawson told her.

Tash continued asking questions hoping that Shannon would open up feeling more secure with Lawson's presence.

"Have you had any more panic attacks?" she continued.

Lawson hesitated before answering, wanting to give Shannon the space to speak openly.

"Only one," she mumbled.

"Ok, do you know what the trigger was?"

"I um, I had a nightmare," she answered.

"So you have been having nightmares?" Tash commented.

"Yes," was all Shannon could reply with.

"Have you spoken to anyone about what happened that night?" Tash continued softly.

"Sort of," she replied vaguely.

"Right. Can you tell me what happens in your nightmares?"

"I don't remember them," Shannon lied easily.

Neither Tash nor Lawson said anything but exchanged a brief look of understanding at Shannon's answer.

"Shannon, I think you're suffering from something called rape trauma syndrome,"

"No I'm not," Shannon replied defensively.

Tash sighed, attempting to work out how best to approach the topic.

"Just hear me out Shannon, ok?" she said and continued talking, not wanting to wait for Shannon to try and interrupt.

"RTS is a bit like post traumatic stress and often a lot of people can exhibit symptoms that overlap. I think you are somewhere between the acute and the outward-adjustment stage. When you first came into the hospital you were anxious and hyperaware of the reactions of other people. You were very upset and had more than one panic attack. Then I think you moved into outward-adjustment. When Kerry and Stella found out, you were using minimization and suppression, making sure we all knew how fine you were and not talking about it with anyone," she said in a very professional way.

"And Shannon, you are still there."

Shannon remained quiet as she looked straight ahead at the far white wall, not making an effort to look at Lawson or Tash. Lawson could feel her sweaty hand shaking in his regardless of how she was attempting to mask what she was feeling, her body gave her away.

"Shannon, you are exhibiting maladaptive coping mechanisms. And it really concerns me," Tash continued.

"I want to refer you to a psychologist to help you work through the RTS,"

"Thanks, but no thanks," Shannon said in response.

"Shan, I think this is a really good idea," Lawson said.

"No," Shannon said adamantly.

An awkward silence crept through the room, as Shannon maintained her gaze with the wall; she could feel Lawson's eyes staring intently at side of her head.

"Victims often..." Tash began before Shannon abruptly stood up.

"I am not a victim," Shannon spat back fiercely.

Tash cringed at her choice of words as Shannon flung the door open and walked out.

"Shit," she sighed.

"Victim? Really Tash? You're a bloody doctor," Lawson accused angrily as he followed his girlfriend out.

Tash swore loudly before grabbing her phone and apprehensively dialling Kerry's number, filling her in on Shannon's future with TR.

* * *

><p><p>

Lawson walked around the hospital twice looking for Shannon with no success. He slowly walked back towards his car, seeing his girlfriend leaning up against the side door.

"Shit Shannon, I didn't know where you'd gone," Lawson said, sighing in relief.

"I want to go home," she said firmly, avoiding her boyfriends gaze.

"You shouldn't have run out, the appointment wasn't finished," he said to her.

"I was done listening Lawson. Done," she said in response.

"I'm not ready for all this Lawson. I had dealt with everything and now it's' all trudged up again and all I want to do is for it all to go back to normal and to get back to work,"

"I know Shannon. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it isn't really going to be back to normal if we leave things like this, is it?" he questioned.

She didn't reply however, simply climbing in the car and speaking to Lawson.

"Just take me home,"

* * *

><p>As Shannon sat on Lawson's couch picking at her pizza in the early evening she heard the piercing tone of her phone.<p>

"Hello Kerry,"

"Shannon, how's it going?" she asked casually.

"Fine," Shannon replied suspiciously.

"I heard you had an interesting day at the hospital,"

"I guess you could call it that," she said.

"Let me get to the point Shannon. How can I be sure you are fit to be back at work if you can't control your emotions at the doctors surgery?"

"Because that was a personal matter Kerry. I was there on personal business. At work, I'm a professional and will act as such. I have no need to justify the decisions of my personal life,"

"Tash has given you clearance but you will be here at TR base for at least the next week, and then we will re evaluate. You need to clear a fitness and psych assessment before you can be out on the road again," Kerry concluded, waiting for the fight she knew Shannon would give.

"What? Kerry, come on you can't be serious?"

"It's SOP Shannon, you know that. This is not negotiable, I'll see you tomorrow morning at 7:30," Kerry said before hanging up and rubbing her head. She had no idea where to go from here or how to deal with the young sergeant.

"What did Kerry say?" Lawson asked as he sat down next to Shannon.

"Shit kicking duties for a week until I pass fitness and psych assessments," she said sulkily.

"Shan, that's SOP, what did you expect?" he asked as he tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I'm going to bed," she said as she pulled away from Lawson.

Lawson watched Shannon slowly walk away towards the bedroom. He took out the crumpled photo he had kept in his wallet, looking at Shannon's innocent face. There was something about the young guy in the photo Lawson didn't like. He was staring at her, an intense stare with a look of fear etched on his face at the lizard Shannon was attempting to put on his face. It made Lawson both jealous and angry. But there was something else about this photo, it felt eerie, like something wasn't quite right but he couldn't quite work out what.

* * *

><p><em>10 days later<em>

Lawson knocked on Kerry's office door loudly before walking inside and closing it behind him.

"Kerry, is Shannon back yet?" he asked.

Shannon had been sent to her psych assessment after passing her fitness test the day before.

"Not due back for another hour," Kerry replied.

"You aren't seriously going to let her come back to work though are you?" Lawson said.

"Well that depends Lawson, she passed the fitness test and the medical. If she passes this psych assessment I told her she could go back to active duties and I don't want to lose her trust, so I fully intend on honouring that,"

"But she isn't ready to come back to work Kerry," he responded incredulously.

"Did she tell you that?" Kerry asked.

"Of course she didn't. She itching to get back on the road. But she isn't ready for this yet,"

"People don't stop working because they get raped Lawson," Kerry said as she saw Lawson flinch when she said rape.

"As long as she is cleared for work by the right people there is no more reason I have for keeping her away. I want to help Shannon as much as you do Lawson, but punishing her by keeping her away is far from useful," Kerry said firmly.

"She isn't ready," Lawson yelled.

"Who is it that's not ready Lawson? Is it Shannon or is it you?"

"What?" he spat back at Kerry.

"Answer me, is it you or is it Shannon?"

"Shannon. She was the one that was attacked. That was beaten and stabbed and she will not talk about it," he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you need some time off Lawson?"

"What?" he said back.

"This is not about me,"

"oh come on Lawson, you aren't that stupid. Your girlfriend was raped. Brutally attacked and she has shut down and completely withdrawn. You couldn't help her that night and she won't let you help her now. You can't tell me that isn't affecting you," she tried to tell him gently.

"This is about making sure one of my team is operationally ready to be back out on the road. And I don't think she is," he said simply.

"Oh, so now she is one of the team and not your girlfriend. Convenient," Kerry said annoyed.

"Besides, if she isn't as ok as you say then she won't pass the psych assessment,"

"You know that psych assessment is bloody pointless Kerry. She was an honours student who double majored in psychology and you think she doesn't know how to rig her own psych evaluation,"

"You need to calm down Lawson,"

"No Kerry, I need to bloody find out who did this and kill them,"

"Great idea Lawson, go behind your girlfriends back, break her trust and then get chucked in jail for murder," Kerry said sarcastically.

"Just be there for her,"

"Everyone keeps saying that but how can I be there for her when she won't bloody talk to me. She's stopped coming to my place ever since she came back to work. She's pulling away from me again and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it,"

"So you want to stop her from coming to work?"

"I want to protect her," Lawson yelled.

Kerry stood behind her desk staring at Lawson, waiting for him to calm down.

"When Shannon gets back having passed her psych assessment as you are so sure she will, I'll put her back on duty. I'm not keeping her away from work when she has done everything I asked her to do to get back here. I will do everything I can to get her to open up about what happened but at the end of the day, it is still her decision. And you need to respect that,"

As Kerry finished talking there was a knock at the door and Shannon walked in. She completely ignored Lawson and waved a piece of paper in Kerry's face.

"I passed," she grinned happily.

Kerry returned the smile, happy to see Shannon looking more alert than she had in weeks.

"Have you ever failed a test in your life Shannon?"

"No," she replied before thinking briefly then adding, "actually Stella beat me in a bike race once,"

"Ok well do you feel like you are ready to be back at work?" Kerry asked Shannon, already knowing her answer.

"Yep, good to go," she replied.

"Right well you're in TR1 with Lawson and Stella today,"

"Fine," she replied shortly.

"Oh well don't be too happy about that. I'll see you in TR in 10 minutes," Lawson said before turning around and walking out.

"What's up with him?" she asked surprised.

"Shut the door and sit down Shannon," Kerry said, deciding if she didn't step in she would probably lose one of the officers.

"I'm going to be completely honest with you Shannon because tip toeing around this isn't going to do much,"

"Are you going to report your rape?" she asked.

The colour in Shannon's face drained as she remained silent.

"I um...no, I can't," she blurted.

"Yes you can. I'll help you, we all will,"

"I don't want help," Shannon replied.

"And that is Lawson's problem. You don't want his help,"

"It isn't his business,"

"Jesus Shannon," Kerry said roughly.

"I cannot believe I am about to give you relationship advice, but I've screwed enough up in my life to want to make sure you get this," she continued, not letting Shannon interrupt.

"Lawson is so in love with you it actually makes me a bit sick. Talk to him. Tell him why you won't report it. Tell him everything you won't tell us, because you are his priority at the moment and I want my Senior Sergeant back. If you don't communicate with him, then as your Senior Sergeant he will keep holding you back,"

Shannon listened in silence before talking quietly.

"Are you done?" she said to her boss.

"Yeah," Kerry said casually, "I think that just about covers it,"

Shannon walked out without another word, heading to the change room to have a quick shower and put her uniform on. As she turned the water on she started thinking about what Kerry had told her and felt herself starting to cry. She felt weak, vulnerable and guilty. She buried her feelings again, an action that was all too familiar. As she changed and walked out to TR1 she saw Charlie staring at her.

"What?" she asked him as he held his hands up trying to deflect attention away from himself.

"Shannon you're late hurry up," she heard Lawson say.

"Stell's driving, let's go," Lawson said.

Shannon looked at him and this time it was him who avoided eye contact. She frowned at him but he didn't notice, simply jumping in the car.

* * *

><p>"Ok, best Adam Sandler movie? Go," Stella said into her coms as both TR cars patrolled the streets of Melbourne.<p>

"None, they're all crap," Charlie replied.

"You've never seen a movie in your life have you Charlie? That is why you don't want to answer. Come on, give it up," Stella said in response.

"_Don't mess with the Zohan_," Christian said.

"Can't go past it. Maybe, followed closely by _Billy Madison_ and _Grown Ups_," he continued.

"Ergh, you have crap taste,"

"IT's obviously _Happy Gilmore,"_ Shannon said .

"Attention all units, we have reports of shots fired at Northland shopping centre,"

"Of course there is," Stella said in response remembering her time as part of Preston general duties where they had at least 4 callouts a day to some form of incident at the local shopping centre.

"VKC this is TR1, we'll take that," Lawson spoke into the radio glaring at Stella.

"Looks like the opera they started blaring from the speakers isn't working as a deterrent then," Stella remarked.

"Why would classical music ever be a deterrent?" Lawson asked, offended.

There was an awkward pause as Stella looked over at Lawson before speaking.

"Oh wow, you aren't even joking. You really don't understand it?"

"Classical music is..." Lawson began but was quickly interrupted by Stella who could see he was about to turn into a high school music teacher trying to recruit kids from the football team to the choir. And fail miserably.

"Why and how do you put up with this?" Stella asked Shannon in the mirror.

"He has nice hair," she replied shortly.

Lawson turned around, surprised at Shannon's answer. He felt lighter somehow when her saw her grinning at him, almost as though it was a sign that maybe everything would work out. He smugly turned to Stella not saying anything as though Shannon's answer had somehow proven his argument. Shannon saw this look as Stella made a face in the mirror and couldn't resist adding;

"Noise cancelling headphones also usually work pretty well,"

"Hahahaha," Stella burst out laughing in Lawson's now scowling face.

"Classic," she said through her laughs.

Lawson turned around and glared at Shannon who was still smiling. He was happy to see her face look lighter than it had in months,

"Thank you Sergeant Henry for not taking my side," he said in mock offence.

"We are an elite team. We work together. There are no sides," she said in response, repeating some of the lines he had come up with in their team building the year before.

Shannon tried not to laugh at the look on Lawson's face as she heard Leon's voice filtering through the coms.

"Lawson," he said.

"Yes Leon,"

"Owned," was all he said as he repeated Shannon's recording on loop into their earpieces.

"Funny," he said sarcastically.

"Good, we're here," he continued before climbing out of the car and walking to the security car parked across the path from where they had parked.

* * *

><p><strong>Important AN:**

**Hey everyone!**

**Was at Offsring season launch yesterday so this is a day late. my bad!**

**So I tried to end this chapter a bit happier, more optimistic! But obviously both Shannon and Lawson have a lot of stuff to work through, Frank is still hanging around somewhere, we still have bits of evidence, old photos, uncertaintity about shawson's future and a few other things floating around. Rest assured, I'm not anywhere near done with this or with them dealing with Shannon's attack, the fallout has hardly even started yet. **

**Having said all this, I have some bad/good news. I'm moving overseas on Friday and I'll be gone until september. I will update this story again hopefully at least once, maybe twice before i go. But there is no guarantee I will be able to update whilst I'm away and even if I do it won't be for at least the first month. So, I'm not sure if I will just leave this story open and keep going or mark it as complete and then publish the sequel, staring from where it finishes. guess it doesn't really matter but anyway, if you have any ideas let me know. **

**Once again, thank you so much for the reviews you leave me, they cheer me up and make my days peachy! **

**Emily :)**


	13. Chasing cars

"So what's the story?" Lawson asked the burly security guard standing by the car.

"Some little shit running around the car park shooting out tyres and car windows. Disappeared when we tried to chase him," he said in a bored manner.

"Any more detail other than 'little shit" Lawson replied annoyed.

"Nup. That's it," he said obviously.

"Well which way did he go?" he asked, getting increasingly more irritated.

"That way somewhere," he said waving nowhere specific.

"Perfect, thanks," Lawson responded as he walked back to TR.

"Guy was a douche, told us nothing," he said shortly to Shannon and Stella.

"Right, Shannon you take the car see if you can see anything on this level and then head up to the top. Stel, you take the stairs up and I'll go down, see if we can catch this little shit. See anything, call it in," he said. He could see Shannon scowling at him, obviously unimpressed she was stuck as the driver.

"Let's go," he said as he tried to ignore the angry glare he could feel Shannon giving him.

10 minutes later there was still no sign of the boy. Shannon had done a lap of the entire car park and decided to head back up to the top level. Lawson was about to reach the bottom floor and Stella was somewhere in the middle. Suddenly Shannon saw a young teenager perched precariously on the edge of the top level car park wall. He was walking along the edge, waving the gun in his hand taking sips from a large vodka bottle he was holding.

"Guys, I've found a teen armed and on the edge of the roof. I'm going to try and talk him down," she said into her coms.

"Is that a good idea?" Stella's voice responded.

"Stella, he is about to fall off the sixth story of a car park so yeah, I do think it is a pretty good idea,"

"Shit, I'm on the fourth, I'm running up now,"

"Lawson, did you copy?" Shannon said again.

"Lawson?"

"Shannon, he's on the bottom level underground. Too much interference, he can't hear you," Leon's voice suddenly answered.

"Well just tell him when he's back in range," she said as she jumped out of the car, using the door as cover.

"Hi there," she said tentatively looking up at the boy in front of her.

He turned around at the sound of her voice and grinned goofily.

"Sup doll face?" he replied.

"I'm Shannon, what's your name?"

"Batman," he replied.

"Really? Is that why you are standing on the edge of the railing there,"

"No,"

"Ok batman, well I would really feel more comfortable if you came down from the edge you're standing on there,"

"And why would I do that?" he replied drunkenly.

"I'm concerned about your safety,"

"Oh well I'll just get right down if you're concerned about my safety then," he replied sarcastically, taking another large swig of the vodka.

Shannon saw movement out of the corner of her eye and could see Stella concealed from view behind a boulder, her gun pointed at the boy, covering Shannon's back.

"What is your rank Shannon?'' he suddenly asked.

"I'm a sergeant. But we aren't here to talk about me," she responded.

"That is true, but you need to find a common ground with me. Am I right? My dad was a constable before someone blew off his head," he replied.

"Guess you outrank him so that isn't really common ground is it?" he continued.

"What was your father's name?" Shannon asked him.

Suddenly the young boy looked straight at Shannon as though surprised by her question.

"You know, most people always apologize for him dying. Tell me how sorry they are, like they could have singlehandedly saved his life had they have known. Or ask me how he died. They want all the gory details. But you asked what his name was. I like that, Sergeant," he remarked.

"His name was Michael," the boy continued.

Shannon remained silent for a moment, memories of Michaels comatosed body lying helplessly on the bed. She saw Stella shift awkwardly and take her eye off the boy, tears beginning to fall down her face. It was then she heard Lawson's voice over the coms.

"Anyone had any luck yet?" he said.

"Lawson, Shannon found him up on the top level standing on the edge of the roof, Stella just met her up there,"

"Right I'll be there soon," he said in response before speaking to Stella and Shannon.

"Guys, what's going on up there, he still on the edge?" he asked as he heard a crackle of someone's microphone and Stella's whispering voice filter through.

"Shannon has him talking but he is still on the edge,"

"SHE WHAT?" he yelled.

"She's negotiating Lawson," she responded in an upset voice.

"Stella what's wrong?" Lawson said quickly.

"Nothing, just get up here and back Shannon up,"

Suddenly Lawson's phone rang and he answered, seeing it was Leon.

"Leon, what the hell is going on up there? Why is Shannon negotiating?" he asked as he ran up the stairs.

"What do you mean? She is a negotiator. It's her job," he said confused.

"You have bigger problems Lawson than Shannon doing her job. We don't know who the kid is yet, but his dad was a Constable, killed in the line of duty from a gunshot wound to the head. Name was Michael,"

"Shit," Lawson said as he ran faster up the stairs, seeing he was on level four.

"Yeah, just thought you should know,"

"Right, thanks Leon, can you patch me through to the negotiation,"

"Will do," he replied and hung up.

"How long ago did he die?" she asked.

"10 years ago today,"

"Is that was has upset you? Why you are here today?" she asked him.

"I guess," he vaguely replied.

"You know I think it would be a really good idea if you came down off the edge," she pressed again.

"Well I might, if you did something for me doll face,"

"What is it that you want me to do batman?" she asked seriously.

"My name- it's Sam," he said to her.

"Ok Sam, what can I do to make this situation better?"

"No need to stand behind the car door. I want to talk to you face to face. Besides, I assume you have someone covering you, ready to shoot me at a moment's notice. You shouldn't create a physical barrier between yourself and the negotiation subject. Makes them feel alone and like they are being judged. Besides, I've grown to quite like you sergeant, I have no intention of shooting you,"

"Don't do it Shannon," she heard Lawson's voice over the coms.

"Find another way," he continued, his heart racing as he sprinted up the stairs.

"Why don't you climb down from there and you can walk over and talk to me here," she suggested.

"Is that what your boss is telling you to do?" he replied.

"What makes you think that?"

"I can see you earpiece. You've probably got a super fancy IT guy Facebook stalking me and a senior cop or two barking instructions in your ear, am I right?" he asked smugly.

"You seem to know a lot about this stuff," Shannon said to him.

"Police force like to help out the kids of their own. Show me around, tell me stuff they think I'll never remember,"

"But you did,"

"Photographic memory Shannon, I remember everything that's ever happened to me. Anything anyone has ever told me," he said with a certain anger to his voice.

Shannon hesitated before stepping out from behind the car door.

"I make my own decisions Sam," she said as she took a few more steps forward and pulled her ear piece out.

"And now you need to make some pretty important decisions for yourself," Shannon continued.

"Don't come any closer," he yelled at her.

"I'm not going to Sam but we had a deal. I've done my part, so how about you sit down for me?" she asked him.

Slowly Sam stumbled but managed to sit down, his back against the concrete barrier shielding him from falling.

"So I guess you remember some pretty bad stuff too right?" Shannon began.

Lawson had arrived as Shannon had walked out from behind the car door. It took all his self control to not walk out and pull her back. Suddenly his eyes were drawn to Stella, her weapon raised at the teenager but her hands shaking as tears fell down her face.

"Stel," Lawson whispered.

"Are you alright?"

Stella said nothing, instead just nodding.

"Let me cover ok, you go downstairs and meet TR2,"

"It's fine, I got this," she replied.

"No, I've got this, you go and meet them," he told her. Slowly Stella turned around and headed towards the stairs.

Lawson quickly turned his attention back to the scene unfolding before him. He had his gun poised and ready to shoot. Shannon was standing much closer to the subject than when he had arrived and he could feel his heart racing in his chest.

"Don't do anything stupid Shannon," he mumbled under his breath.

"So can I ask why you decided to come here today with a gun?"

"Sure, you can ask. Doesn't mean I'm going to tell you," he responded.

"Well I'd feel much safer if you put the gun down," she said to him as she felt her nerves suddenly start to come through. She had been so focused on getting him down from the wall she hadn't really thought through the best strategy to unarm him.

"You don't like guns sergeant?" he seemed to pick up on her hesitation.

"No I don't," she said before she realised the words had even left her mouth. She cringed instantly knowing it was the wrong thing to say. He snickered and looked away taking another swig of vodka. Whilst he was distracted Shannon turned her head and could see Lawson where Stella had been standing.

Lawson could see the doubt and apprehension flicker across Shannon's face, not something he was used to seeing in her when she was at work. He didn't look away this time, instead maintaining her gaze and trying to urge her on.

"Well at least you're honest," Sam said to her as Shannon turned her attention back to him.

"I don't like guns because they cause problems Sam. The gun you are holding is causing problems here isn't it? And I know you can understand the problems they cause because you have spent the last ten years living with the consequences of a decision someone else made with a gun in their hand,"

Lawson breathed out, knowing that Shannon was giving Sam an explanation that would hopefully make him drop his guard. But Lawson knew the real reason she didn't like guns and it suddenly made all the anger and hurt in the pit of his stomach churn up again. Suddenly he felt Charlie walk up beside him;

"She's doing well," he said to Lawson.

"Mmmh," was all he said in response as he kept his eyes glued on Shannon.

"How is Stella?" he asked Charlie.

"She's fine. Did you know she had been skipping her counselling appointments?"

"No," Lawson replied surprised.

"Well we need to talk about what we are going to do..." he began before Lawson interrupted.

"I agree, but this probably isn't the time,"

"I know, I was just letting you know," he responded like a teenager trying to get the last word in as Lawson rolled his eyes.

"Josh and Christian are coming around from the other side, but hopefully we can end this peacefully," he said importantly.

Again Lawson rolled his eyes. Didn't they want every negotiation to end peacefully?

Suddenly they heard the bottle smash and they focused more attention to the scene unfolding before them. Lawson saw Shannon jump at the loud sound of the breaking glass and held his gun more firmly ready to shoot to protect her.

"Sam, talk to me. Tell me what is going on,"

"I just wanted someone to notice I was still here," he yelled loudly.

Whilst Lawson had been distracted by Charlies arrival the situation had escalated, Sam no longer sitting but standing on ground level, metres away from Shannon.

"Using a gun isn't a good way to get people's attention Sam. You seem like a smart kind of guy, you could do anything you wanted with your life,"

"That's crap, people like you, they can do anything they want. Not little shits from the northern suburbs with no one who gives a damn about what happens to them,"

"I disagree. I wasn't born a cop, or with a degree or even raised with people that always loved me but you know what, I'm here anyway. You can do something important if you try hard enough, make good decisions. But being out here now, shooting people's cars and getting pissed isn't the kind of person you want to be. It's not the kind of person your Dad would want you to be,"

"How would you know?" he shot back angrily.

"Because you told me how amazing he was. How unfair it was he was taken from you. You helped me understand the kind of life your Dad lived and so I know, because you told me,"

"Bet your dad is proud of you," he said to Shannon.

Lawson saw Shannon hesitate. She moved nervously from one foot to the other, she'd lost her concentration.

"You need to put the gun down Sam. The longer this goes on the worse it gets for you and I know you know that," she decided to say rather than answer his question.

"Yeah, but I just wanted someone to listen,"

"I know," she said back sadly.

Suddenly Sam threw the gun to Shannon's feet.

"Am I going to go to jail for this?" he asked.

"I hope not," Shannon said as Lawson, Charlie, josh and Christian all suddenly emerged with their weapons drawn shouting instructions at Sam.

* * *

><p>"Good negotiation Shannon, I'm impressed," Charlie said as he approached her.<p>

"Seriously?" she said surprised.

"Yes, you're a better officer than I gave you credit for," he continued.

"Right," Shannon said slowly.

"I'm not really sure if that's a compliment or an insult,"

"Compliment, obviously," he replied as Shannon laughed at his awkwardness.

"Shan, let's go," Lawson suddenly yelled from nearby. Shannon could see anger in his face and maybe even a hint of jealousy, even though his voice was steady and level.

"Right we'll take him in, you guys take a break for half an hour and regroup ok?" Charlie said to Lawson.

"Fine," he said shortly and headed towards the car.

Charlie looked questionably at Shannon who simply rolled her eyes and followed after Lawson.

Shannon drove up high street as she searched for a good place to get coffee.

"Seriously, what is wrong with you?" Shannon asked Lawson as they drove along.

"Nothing," he mumbled in response.

"Well that's obviously a lie. Tell me what the problem is Lawson,"

"No," he said shortly.

"What, you think I can't handle it? Is that is?" she said angrily.

"No," he replied.

"Then what the hell is it, I thought we were good," she said, seeing Lawson getting increasingly more angry.

"You could have bloody died Shannon. You didn't need to step out from behind that car door, especially when you were dealing with a bloody teenage boy," he yelled before he even knew he what he was doing.

"You're pissed at me for negotiating? Are you serious Lawson, it's my first day back," she spat in response.

"You took a massive bloody risk Shannon, he could have shot you,"

"He wasn't going to shoot me," she said certainly.

"You don't know that,"

"Yes I do,"

"No Shannon, you never know what someone will do when they have a gun in their hands," he flared before realising what he had said.

"Shit, Shannon I didn't mean. I'm sorry...I just," he paused awkwardly not sure if Shannon was listening to him anymore. They were pulled over in a side street in Northcote and neither had made a move to get out of the car.

"All he wanted was for someone to listen to him Lawson," she said softly.

"But he could have shot you," he said as though he didn't think Shannon understood him.

"You can't do this every time we have a tough case Lawson. You can't doubt me and think I'll do the wrong thing,"

"I didn't doubt you out there Shan, but you doubted yourself. You looked at me, and then we he was talking about your parents you lost your concentration. So I'm not saying you didn't do a good job making sure it ended with no casualties but you took a massive risk, and you weren't backing your own decision. As your senior sergeant, that rings alarm bells,"

"Fine, I was scared, happy?" she said to him.

"No, that was the worst effort at attempting to put my mind at ease I have ever seen,"

"What do you want me to say Lawson? That I'm sorry? That I would do things differently if I got put in the same situation. Because I wouldn't," she said matter of factly.

"Just tell me what happened out there. What was going through your head?"

Shannon hesitated, obviously feeling overwhelmed at the direction this conversation had taken.

"I thought about Michael. Him lying there like a helpless animal," Lawson saw Shannon pause before she continued.

"And I thought about my dad," she said unexpectantly.

"What about him?" Lawson asked gently.

"He...he left, when I was seven. I don't know if he'd be proud or happy or pissed off. I don't know anything about him," she said looking at Lawson with cloudy eyes.

"I'm sure he would be very proud," Lawson tried to lighten the mood.

"Pft, I doubt it,"

"Why?" he couldn't help but ask.

"I knew he was leaving and I started crying. He slapped me across the face and told me to suck it up. Only babies cried. He said that was why I embarrassed him, because I couldn't control myself,"

"You were seven," Lawson said outraged as many things he knew about Shannon started to fall into place.

Shannon simply shrugged before turning to open the door.

"Shan," Lawson said as he suddenly held her shoulder. He could feel her tense before turning and looking into his eyes and her muscles slowly started to relax.

"You know it's ok to cry right?"

"Pft, I'm no longer a child Lawson. I know," she laughed at him.

"Come on, I need coffee," she said to him as she jumped out of the car and headed towards the quiet street cafe.

* * *

><p><strong>Greetings from the international airport lounge!<strong>

**So this took a little longer than I had expected but I will hopefully update from turkey...if I get time! Didn't get much feedback on the last chapter andnot sure if it's because it wasn't good or everyone has just cracked it because of the authors note lol. I am sorry!**

**Would love to know what you guys think of this chapter, I promise I have direction.**

**Have a great weekend all!**


	14. Iris

**A/N at bottom of chapter!**

Previously...

"I knew he was leaving and I started crying. He slapped me across the face and told me to suck it up. Only babies cried. He said that was why I embarrassed him, because I couldn't control myself,"

"You were seven," Lawson said outraged as many things he knew about Shannon started to fall into place.

Shannon simply shrugged before turning to open the door.

"Shan," Lawson said as he suddenly held her shoulder. He could feel her tense before turning and looking into his eyes and her muscles slowly started to relax.

"You know it's ok to cry right?"

"Pft, I'm no longer a child Lawson. I know," she laughed at him.

"Come on, I need coffee," she said to him as she jumped out of the car and headed towards the quiet street cafe.

* * *

><p>The two sat in silence as they waited for their drinks. Lawson was still trying to process what Shannon had told him.<p>

"Are you busy tonight?" Shannon suddenly asked him.

"I have big plans that consist of sitting on the couch and re watching last weekends footy game again," he replied as Shannon screwed up her nose in response.

"Unless of course, I get a better offer," he continued.

"I don't know if I can compete with that," she said back playfully.

"You could always come over and watch the footy!" he said enthusiastically.

"Or I could sit at home and watch paint dry,"

"ha ha," he said sarcastically.

"No really, what do you have in mind?" Lawson said to her.

"I don't know, but I thought maybe we could do something. If you wanted to that is," she said with some uncertainty.

"Movie?" he suggested.

"Do I get to choose?" she asked.

"Don't you always?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Lawson, when you learn to exercise good taste, maybe I'll let you have a go at suggesting something,"

"gee, thanks,"'he replied sarcastically.

"Oh so I shouldn't come over then? You'll be that unhappy with my taste in movies," she replied mockingly.

"You can't blackmail me," he replied, pretendingly outraged.

"Why not? What'ya going to do? Arrest me?"

"Don't give me any ideas," he said with a smile.

Shannon rolled her eyes as she looked at Lawson's smile. She missed waking up next to him.

"We should go," she said suddenly. Shannon didn't want to spend anymore time in Northcote than she had to. She had purposely chosen to come into the area, hoping to prove to herself she was completely over what had happened. The longer she stayed however, the more anxious she could feel herself getting. Although she'd told Lawson her attack had happened in Northcote, she suspected that he was so busy processing the news, it hadn't occurred to him where they were.

Lawson followed Shannon out of the store and saw her walking quickly towards the car.

"Are we in a rush?" he asked her.

"What?" she asked back.

"Nevermind," he replied, seeing she was distracted.

As they drove further up the main road Shannon could see yellow flashing lights up ahead.

"shit," she swore loudly.

"What?" Lawson said alarmed.

"Bloody road works,"

"Just take the diversion, it's not like we have a choice," he replied calmly, although he could still see Shannon was very unhappy. He frowned to himself, not sure why she was having a minor meltdown about the roadworks.

They were being diverted up past the lane way. She closed her eyes briefly as she continued to drive, attempting to psych herself into ignoring the anxiety she could feel welling up inside her. As the traffic ground to a halt she could see the cobbled street in her perefiral vision. A wave of dread rolled over her and she felt the nausea threatening to overwhelm her.

They drove back to base in silence, Shannon afraid if she opened her mouth she would throw up. As they arrived back at base she jumped out of the car and quickly headed towards the bathroom.

"Shannon?" Lawson questioned as her saw her flee.

She flung open the bathroom door and felt the hard ground beneath her knees. She could feel the burning in her throat as she threw up and tears running down her flushed face. Her arm was resting in the cold porcelain and she felt very alone. Part of her wanted to yell out for Lawson, to ask him just to be with her. Instead she wiped away her tears and did her best to compose herself.

"Um, Lawson. You do know this is a girl's bathroom right?" Stella asked him as she saw him leaning against the bathroom door.

"Shannon's in there," he offered as his explanation.

"And? She doesn't need a baby sitter Lawson, leave her alone,"

"And what if she's upset?" he responded indignantly. Stella rolled her eyes in response before pushing open the door and walking in.

"Shannon, has Lawson always being this annoying and over protective or is it a new found habit of his?" Stella asked?

"Oh no, it has always been there,"

"You must really love him,"Stella replied jokingly.

Shannon felt tears in her eyes again and she subtly tried to blink them away. Stella saw the look of devastation on her friends face at her comment.

"Shit, I'm sorry Shannon. I didn't mean to say the wrong thing...I..." she said awkwardly.

"No Stella you didn't. It's just me and all my guilt," Shannon said as she saw the awkward look Stella had plastered across her face.

"How about we do something tonight? It's been a long shit day and I really really want some form of very strong alcoholic beverage," Shannon suggested.

"You don't have plans with Lawson?" Stella asked.

"I've spent all day with him," she said.

"Yeah but don't you need like couple time or whatever?"

"Are you trying to talk me out of a drinking night?" Shannon replied.

"No, but..." Stella began before being interrupted.

"Good, I'll come by yours after work then?" she said.

Stella hesitated before adding,

"Do an alcohol run on the way would ya?"

"Done," Shannon said before walking out the door, straight into Lawson.

"Are you alright?" he hovered anxiously.

She said nothing instead just giving him a dirty look as she pushed past him.

"Shannon?" he said again.

"Can we reschedule tonight?" she asked him as she kept walking.

"Have I done something wrong?" he asked, confused.

"It isn't always about you Lawson,"she snapped back seeing a glimmer of sadness in his eyes as she turned around.

"Sorry," she sighed, "I didn't mean to have a go at you,"

He stood his ground, saying nothing but hoping Shannon would give him some insight into what she was thinking. She glanced sideways, seeing a few people still in the corridors and hesitated. She turned on her heel, walking into the on call room which was used for sleeping during long shifts and occasionally by Leon for what he called "power naps". Lawson followed her in, shutting the door behind him and flicking the light on.

"We haven't been very good friends to her Lawson. We should have done a better job looking after her," she said.

"A better friend to who?" he responded, confused.

"Stella," she replied, "I didn't even know she wasn't going to her counseling appointments,"

"Shannon," was all Lawson could strangle out in response. He put his hands on the top of her arms and was happy when she didn't pull away or recoil. Instead she leaned in a little bit closer, wanting to feel his warmth and safety.

"It isn't ok Lawson," she continued to say.

"You have been a good friend Shannon," he tried to reason with her.

"That's rubbish, I've been so caught up in all my crap," she began.

"Your 'crap' is not some side note Shannon, this is a major trauma you need to deal with," he began.

"I have dealt with it," she replied tiredly, sick of having the same fight with Lawson.

He exhaled a long breath, pulling her closer to him.

"This isn't the place to talk about it," he said to her.

"I thought it would be good for me to hang out with Stella tonight. I know I asked you to spend some time with me and I know that was my idea and everything but,"

"Shannon, it's fine," Lawson interrupted, feeling her nervousness. She was looking into his eyes, feeling herself getting lost his intent chocolatey brown stare. He stroked Shannons cheek as he looked back at her lovingly. He slowly moved his lips towards hers, softly kissing her and running his hand through her hair.

"I miss you," she softly said as he pulled away.

"I'm right here," he replied.

"And I'm glad. Even if I'm kind of a bitch sometime, I'm glad you're here," Shannon said as her cheeks flushed with slight embarrassment.

"Please be careful tonight, I know you and Stel like to have big drinking nights but please just don't try and drink everything away,"

"Lawson relax, I'll be fine," she said, rolling her eyes in response as she moved towards the door and yanked it open.

"Just get some sleep tonight, I'll see you tomorrow ok?" she gave him a small smile and walked towards the lockers to get her civvies. He watched her walk away, silently wishing she would stay with him tonight where he could keep her safe. The uneasy feeling settled once again in his stomach and he rubbed his head in frustration. He didn't know what the bad feeling meant, but he didn't like it.

* * *

><p>"They're talking about you," Leon said to Stella as she sat down. She looked over her shoulder and saw Kerry and Charlie in the midst of a very serious looking conversation. She groaned loudly.<p>

"Great," she replied.

Leon chuckled at the look on her face.

"Honestly, are you really ok?" he replied, suddenly serious.

"I'm good leon, it was just a bad day,"

"Good, because you'd say something if you weren't, right?"

"Yep," she said shortly grabbing a handful of m&ms from the bowl on his desk.

"Want to come to mine for drinks tonight?"

"Depends, how much alcohol do you have for me?"

"Well Shannon is doing an alcohol run on the way and so is my brother, so bring a six pack and happy days," she said standing up.

"Sweet, I'll see you there when I'm finished," he replied.

"Awesome. I'm leaving before I have to deal with that conversation," she said indicating towards where Kerry, Charlie and now Lawson were standing talking intently.

"See you tonight," she said before sneaking out through the changerooms and avoiding the lectures she knew she would get from her bosses.

"Stella," Leon called out as he arrived at her house four hours later. There was loud music blaring through the open front door. Several people were outside, drunkenly rearranging the front garden. He walked inside and saw a makeshift dance floor where Stella's lounge furniture usually stood. He scanned the room quickly, seeing Stella dancing on the kitchen table with 2 guys Leon had never seen before. She spotted Leon and drunkingly stumbled off the table.

"Leooooooon," she yelled across the room laughing.

"Well you've well and truly started this party without me," he smirked.

"Naw Leon, you have some catching up to do. Vodkaaa," she yelled as the room around her cheered. He recognized her brother who had become the makeshift bar tender. He downed two of the shots that Stella handed him before scanning the room for Shannon. He figured if she was even half as drunk as Stella was, then she was probably in trouble. His gaze suddenly shifted when he heard a female voice yelling angrily close by.

"Piss off," the voice screamed at a group of guys gathered close by. As Leon walked closer he saw the voice belonged to shannon who was curled up in the corner next to the dart board, nursing a bottle of tequila.

"Shannon?" he said with a questioning voice.

"Do you know this chick?" a burly skinhead asked Leon.

"Yeah, why?" he asked.

"We want to use the bloody dart board but this bitch is too off her face to tell us where she put the frieken darts,"

"Why don't you look up your arse, you've clearly got something stuck up there," Shannon retorted back.

"Ok Shannon, let's go," leon said, quickly pulling her to her feet. Having heard the commotion, Stella's brother had made his way over to the group with more shots. Leon led a stumbling Shannon out the front door and sat her down on the swinging chair. Stella had followed them outside drunkingly tripping down the front step.

"What's wrong Shan?" Stella mumbled to her friend.

"Nothing, I'm fine. We're all fine," she rambled.

"The darts are in the case next to the dart board, where they always are," she spat angrily.

"What?" Stella responded.

"Your stupid wanker friends wanted to know where the darts were," Shannon stopped mid sentence having lost her train of thought. She shook her head, as though trying to clear the drunken haze consuming her.

"You've had too much to drink," Stella said observing the almost empty bottle of tequila in her friends hand.

"Yeah well, so have you," she slurred back.

"Besides," she continued, "you said drinking night so that's what I'm doing,"

Leon stood awkwardly next to the swing between Shannon and Stella. He saw concern pass over Stella's face and moved closer to her as she swayed slightly on the spot, worried she may fall over.

"Leon," she said in a drunken whisper. Shannon had shut her eyes and was resting her head on the side of the chair.

"You need to call Lawson," Stella said.

"Ok, why?" he asked, confused.

"Just tell him he needs to come and get Shannon,"

"Is that really a good idea Stel? I dunno if Shannon will be very happy," Leon hesitated not wanting to be on Shannon's bad side.

"Shhhhhh," Stella replied loudly and Leon could see just how drunk she was. He was about to sit her down on the chair-swing too, until he saw a glimmer of seriousness in Stella's eyes.

"I know I'm drunk, but you need to call Lawson," she reinforced as people started flooding outside, pulling Stella back towards the party.

Suddenly Stella was gone and Leon was left on the porch with Shannon. He wasn't sure if she was sleeping or unconscious but he realized maybe Stella knew something he didn't. There was something different about Shannon in the last month, he'd seen what others hadn't. When Shannon had ducked behind the car or walked away from the group and thrown up or struggled with her breathing, Leon had been able to see it on the lapel cameras. He'd not said anything, knowing it would only make things worse for her if she thought she was being watched. When he found out about the pneumonia he had stopped thinking about it, assuming that had been the problem. The more he thought about though, the more he realized this seemed like a lot more than a little pneumonia.

He reluctantly got out his phone and flipped through his contacts until he found Lawson's number. It rang three times before a tired sounding voice answered.

"Do you know what time it is Leon?" he said gruffly. He'd been up worrying about Shannon for a few hours and had only just dozed off.

"Trust me, I wouldn't be calling you unless it was important Lawson," Leon said which was met by a brief silence on the other end of the phone.

"Where are you? What's all the noise," Lawson asked as he strained to hear.

"Oh, I'm at Stella's place,"

"That doesn't sound like a few quiet drinks," Lawson replied suddenly feeling anxiety in his stomach, almost anticipating what this phone call was about to become.

"Yeah well that's because it isn't. Things here got way out of hand but that isn't what this is about," he paused before continuing.

"It's shannon. She is really drunk Lawson, I think you need to come and get her,"

"Shit," he swore loudly.

"Just do us a favor and keep her safe will you? I'll be there in 10 minutes," he said not waiting for a reply from Leon before hanging up.

In less than 10 minutes Lawson had made it to Stella's house, parking illegally on the front curb. He walked quickly through the front garden observing silently the drunken activities taking place in the front garden. His eyes landed on Leon as his paced quickened in an aim to get to Shannon.

"Jesus Shannon," he said out loud when he saw her her on the chair. He turned to Leon and abruptly asked him,

"Where the hell is Stella?"

"Well she was inside but um," he stuttered but Lawson had already headed into the house.

He walked over drunken people laying everywhere in the living room and a pile of broken glass before seeing Stella dancing on the table.

"Stella," he yelled over the loud music.

"STELLA," he shouted louder before her brother directed her attention towards where Lawson was standing. She looked confused before it morphed into a look of guilt. She awkwardly stumbled down from the table with help from everyone and Lawson steered her by the shoulders outside.

The minute they were out in the open he started yelling.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Stella squinted as she tried to focus on Lawson's face.

"I'm drunk," was all she could manage to say.

"Yeah I can see that. You know Shannon was so worried about you today she was practically in tears? And then you pull a stunt like this? When the hell are you going to grow up and learn the.." before Lawson could say anything more Leon interrupted.

"Lawson stop. This isn't Stella's fault. She told me I should call you ok?"

There was an awkward pause before Stella spoke.

"The party got out of hand but I didn't put that bottle in Shannon's hand,"

All three stood awkwardly in silence before Shannon began coughing and woke with a start.

"Shan," Lawson was the first to react. She tried to stand up with the almost empty bottle in her hand but failed. She saw the small amount of liquid in the bottle and brought it to her lips to drink but Lawson moved towards her quickly.

"No Shan you've had enough," he said firmly and took the bottle from her grasp.

She looked as though she was about to fight him until she realized it was Lawson.

"Lawson," she said in a high pitched squeak before grabbing his shirt and kissing him deeply. He could taste the tequila on her lips and her breath smelt of a mixture of tequila and wine.

"Shannon, you're very drunk. We need to go home," he said pulling away from her and looking at bottle.

"How much did you drink Shannon?" he asked her quietly so only she could hear.

"I like tequila," she giggled.

"I know you do," he replied, sighing.

"Come on Shan, lets go home,"

"mmhmm," she softly mumbled before passing out on Lawson's shoulder.

He turned to look at Leon and Stella when suddenly Stella turned to the nearby bush and threw up. Leon held her hair awkwardly as Lawson took Shannon in his arms.

"Stella, how much of the bottle did she have?" he asked.

Stella was now standing but was swaying dangerously on the spot. She looked guiltily at Lawson, not saying anything.

"Tell me stella," he said using his serious voice.

"The whole thing,"

"fuck," he said realizing that on top of everything there was a chance Shannon could end up with serious alcohol poisoning.

"We've done it before," Stella said as though she knew what he was thinking. It hadn't come out the way she'd wanted it to because of her drunken state.

"Well that makes me feel better," he bit back sarcastically.

"We are going to have a very serious chat at work tomorrow," he said to her. He saw the fear and concern etched on her face.

"Thank you for getting Leon to call me, but this can't continue. It's dangerous for both of you," he continued in a softer tone.

"Now get these people out of here or I will call Josh and get him to bring TR over here. Leon is in charge," he added.

Leon looked back at him mortified.

"Thanks for calling me. Look after Stella," he said as he turned to leave, carrying a sleeping Shannon in his arms. He heard the sound of Stella throwing up again and cringed. He knew he would have to talk to Charlie and Kerry tomorrow, something he was dreading.

He opened the passengers door of his car and put Shannon down gently. When he tried to shut the door he realized Shannon was still clutching tightly to his shirt.

"Shan, you have to let go I need to drive,"

"I don't want you to go," she slurred.

"I'm just going to drive us home ok?"

"Not to my house," she said, suddenly scared.

"Why not?" he prodded gently, stroking her face.

Shannon mumbled incoherently and the only word Lawson caught was 'safe'.

"I want to go home with you," she said.

"I know, that's where we are going,"

"I'm sorry. So sorry," she cried as a tear streamed down her face.

"Shannon, it's ok. Let's go home ok?"

"I'm sorry" she said again relaxing her grip on Lawson's shirt so he could get in the car, before passing out again.

Lawson sighed and looked sadly at his girlfriend. He knew she was in trouble. And he had no idea how to help her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Hey there folks! So I know it's been awhile but in my defense I have managed to travel to 15 countries between my last update and now! I have obviously been busy being a professional tourist so it is hard to find time to update but I hope this will at least be something! I'm stealing wifi from a random english cafe to so I can quickly post this! I did cut this chapter short just so I had something to post but I willcontinue on from this point in the next chapter. As always thanks for the reviews. They really do make it easier for me to write. Especially when I get major writers bloc. **

**So drunken Stella and Shannon and pissed off Lawson. And more trouble to come. Too much? Let me know what you think! **

**Em xx**

**PS. Sorry for awkward typos but I autocorrect on the iPads is infuriating!**


	15. She will be loved

**Chapter warning: there is a kind of adult part in here but it is more implied than anything and if you watch the show you will be more than ok. But just warning anyway.**

**Also, a disclaimer for the first time though it applies to all previous, future and current chapters. It may surprise everyone to know I don't own rush or the characters. If I did, season four would have pretty much beingcompletely different in everyway. So lucky channel 10 and the writers you can have all the credit/blame for that one. I really don't mind. But thanks for the lend of the characters!**

**Anyway, onwards and upwards. Thanks for the reviews and an A/N at the bottom!**

**Previously;**

He opened the passengers door of his car and put Shannon down gently. When he tried to shut the door he realized Shannon was still clutching tightly to his shirt.

"Shan, you have to let go I need to drive,"

"I don't want you to go," she slurred.

"I'm just going to drive us home ok?"

"Not to my house," she said, suddenly scared.

"Why not?" he prodded gently, stroking her face.

Shannon mumbled incoherently and the only word Lawson caught was 'safe'.

"I want to go home with you," she said.

"I know, that's where we are going,"

"I'm sorry. So sorry," she cried as a tear streamed down

"Shannon, it's ok. Let's go home ok?"

"I'm sorry" she said again relaxing her grip on Lawson's shirt so he could get in the car, before passing out again.

Lawson sighed and looked sadly at his girlfriend. He knew she was in trouble. And he had no idea how to help her.

* * *

><p>Shannon awoke abruptly as Lawson was reaching down to pick her up.<p>

"What are you doing?" she recoiled away from him, not recognizing who he was in the dark.

"It's Lawson, we just got to my house. I picked you up from Stella's, do you remember?" he said concerned.

"I'm not drunk," she said adamantly, obviously recalling what had happened.

"You drank a bottle of tequila Shannon,"

"It was a small bottle," she mumbled in response.

She began to get out of the car, pushing Lawson out of the way. He stood back to let her get out, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to. To his surprise, she managed to climb out and walk a few meters before turning around.

"Shan?" he tentatively questioned. Lawson could see her blinking and swaying unsteadily and he moved closer to her just in time to catch her as she collapsed.

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am," she said as she tried to stand up. If the situation hadn't been quite so precarious Lawson may almost have laughed at her attempt at speaking.

Lawson put her arm around his shoulders and grabbed her waist, helping her into the house as her head dropped forward on to her chest.

"Don't fall asleep Shan, not now," he said outloud. He carried her the rest of the way into the bedroom and put her down gently on the bed.

"I like your bed," she said as rolled onto her stomach.

"You're a good boyfriend, you deserve sex. We should have sex," she continued as she sat up and tried to grab Lawson's shirt.

"Oh no, we definitely shouldn't," Lawson replied moving away slightly. He saw the look of hurt on Shannon's face.

"Not when you're this drunk,"he said softly reaching back towards her hand and sitting on the bed next to her.

"We've had drunk sex before," she grumbled.

"You weren't this drunk Shannon, and we need some more time," Lawson said as he thought back to the night of drunken sex he knew she was probably thinking about.

* * *

><p>It was <em>a summery Friday night in mid December and the TR Christmas party was due to kick off in half an hour. Shannon was walking around Lawson's living room, attempting to find one of her shoes.<em>

_"Lawson," she yelled loudly._

_"Yeah," he shouted from the bathroom._

_"Where is my other shoe?"_

_"No idea, how should I know?"_

_"Well you took it off my foot,"_

_"Oh, that shoe," he replied._

_"I still have no idea," he continued._

_Shannon bent over the couch, peering underneath as she searched for her missing footwear. Lawson walked into the room staring at her bent frame. He made no comment, instead just leaning lazily against the wall and looking on._

_"You right there, perving at me?" she said to him when she realized his appearance._

_"Yep," he grinned at her. She rolled her eyes but smiled slightly at him._

_"Are you going to help me find my shoe or not?" she asked standing up and facing him. Lawson felt his breath catch in his throat as she stood in front of him in a simple white, lacey, sleeveless dress that hugged her figure and flowed out from her waist, stopping half way down her thighs._

_"What? Too much?" she asked as she suddenly felt self concious and began to fiddle with the brown belt buckled around her slim waist._

_He moved closer to her, grabbing her hands away from her belt._

_"You look beautiful," he grinned at her and kissed her deeply._

_"Are we sure about this? Going to the party together?" she asked him._

_"Well everyone knows, they've had enough time to get used to it. Are you worried?"_

_"No, I just don't want things to be awkward. So no kissing or hugging or touching," she continued as Lawson started kissing her neck._

_"Mmhmm," he mumbled as he continued trailing kisses down her bare shoulder._

_"I mean it," she continued in a weaker voice._

_"No kissing, got it," he said before putting his hand on the back of Shannon's head and pulling her closer into a passionate kiss. __He pushed Shannon up against the wall as he pressed his body against hers, running his hands over her dress._

_"We should stop," she breathlessly said._

_"We should," he agreed but continued kissing her. She felt his hands roaming all over her body._

_"Lawson," she half scolded, half moaned into his kiss._

_"Yes honey?" he grinned at the effect he was having on her._

_She saw the reflection of the microwave clock and realized they had 20 minutes before they needed to be at the pub. She swatted his hands away and tugged her dress down before she attempted to walk away._

_"No, come back," he wined as he reached for her arm._

_"We have 20 minutes Lawson, I need to finish getting ready and it's a 10 minute drive,"_

_"But I really, really like that dress," he smiled flirtingly at her again. It was an animated smile that reached his twinkling eyes. That was how Shannon knew he was completely happy, he smiled with his eyes. She let him kiss her again, but it was softer this time, more like a habit._

_"It doesn't even have to be sex," he said suddenly as he reached for the hem of her dress._

_"Lawson," she laughed and pushed him away._

_"You can find my shoe, I'm going to get ready," she said as she pushed her other shoe into his hands and walked towards the bathroom._

_They arrived only a few minutes late to the pub which was decorated with bright red and green balloons, streamers and a scattering of mistletoe that had obviously been strategically placed._

_"You like the decorations?" Leon grinned as he saw them walk in._

_"Oh, they are very Leon," Shannon smirked and headed over to where Stella and Michael were sitting._

_"Thanks," Leon replied to her back before turning to Lawson, "I'm not sure if that was a compliment,"_

_"Neither am I," Lawson laughed._

* * *

><p><em>By the end of the night Lawson, Shannon, Leon, Michael and Stella were the last ones left.<em>

_Michael and Stella had become very affectionate with each other as they became increasingly more affected by the significant amount of alcohol they'd drunk. Leon had fallen asleep on the bar and Shannon was tugging gently on Lawson's hand, wanting to leave._

_"Lesss go," she slurred out, intwining her fingers with his._

_"Ok, we need a cab," he said moving towards the door. Shannon looked back at Stella, sending her a glare at her behaviour with Michael. She knew that in the morning she would regret everything but tonight, she seemed oblivious._

_"Wake up computer man," Shannon said, hitting him on the head. He let out a groan of annoyance at being disturbed._

_As they all stumbled out, laughing at nothing in particular when Leon cleared his throat._

_"What?" Lawson asked turning his head to look at Leon. His eyes flickered upwards towards the roof, indicating the mistletoe dangling above them._

_"Come on then, give us a snog," he grinned daringly at Lawson._

_"Leon," he said as he rolled his eyes and began to walk outside. He felt Shannon's hand tugging him back and before he knew it, he felt her mouth on his, her hands loosely draped around his neck. Lawson kissed her back eagerly, softly rubbing his thumb over her cheek._

_"What happened to no kissing?" he grinned as he pulled away._

_"It's bad luck not to,"_

_"Is that right?" he said skeptically._

_"I'm always right," she replied and kissed him again, this time interrupted by the loud blaring of the taxi's horn._

_"Let's go," Lawson yelled before they all stumbled awkwardly into the cab._

_When they finally arrived at Lawson's house, Shannon grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the taxi._

_"Hurry up babe," she said as she rolled her eyes at him trying to count out the right money for the driver._

_The minute they were inside it was as though no time had passed since they had left. They stumbled backwards towards the couch, as the alcohol made walking straightly more difficult. As Shannon lay down she pulled Lawson on top of her, kissing him lovingly. He moved his lips down to the side of her neck, the place he knew she loved being kissed. Shannon moved her hands under his shirt as her eyes met Lawson's and she felt the churning butterflies in her stomach. She desperately tried to put all the love she felt for him, but was too scared to tell him about, into a kiss. Shannon tried to tell him to stop so she could take his shirt off, but what came out of her mouth was something very different. The filter that usually guarded all the thoughts and feelings she never said out loud faltered when she was drunk and tonight, it was no different. _

_"I think I'm in love with you," she blurted out in a soft whisper. Almost instantly her eyes shot open and her hand flew to her mouth in shock as Lawson stopped kissing her and pushed himself up. _

_"You didn't mean to tell me that, did you?" he asked with an amused grin on his face._

_He was laughing at her, mocking her almost, Shannon thought to herself as she looked at his smug smile. She couldn't get any words to come out of her mouth as her cheeks flushed a deep red. She started squirming under Lawson, trying to get out from beneath him. _

_"Lawson," she grumbled softly in embarrasement as he kept smiling down at her. He was still sitting up, straddling her hips and was making no effort to move._

_"I know you didn't mean to say that outloud, but I hope you did mean what you said__," he stated quietly obviously deciding it was time to say something._

_"What?" she whispered back quietly. _

_"I hope you meant it. Because, I know I'm in love with you," he continued with a smile and slowly leant down to kiss her. Shannon happily kissed him back before hitting his chest and pushing him up again._

_"You arsehole, why didn't you just say that instead of giving me that stupid grin?"_

_"Just building up the suspense," he laughed at the scowl she was giving him._

_"And it's not a stupid grin. It's sexy," he said arrogantly as he starting kissing her neck again. _

_"Mmm, that's debatable. I will get you back. When you least expect it. Actually, I could deny you sex right now," she said matter-of-factly. _

_"You wouldn't," he said in a shock when he realised the serious tone of her voice. _

_"Oh yes I would," she replied with a mischievous grin as she sat up._

_"Now who has the stupid grin?" he said to to her as he started tickling her side. _

_"You can't do that Lawson, not fair," she laughed breathlessly as she squirmed beneath him. _

_"Oh, are you ticklish?" he asked mockingly, knowing how sensitive she was, especially when she had drunk too much. _

_As Lawson moved his hands around to her stomach they drunkingly toppled off the side of the couch where Shannon landed on top of Lawson. _

_"Ouch," Lawson breathed out, winded from the fall._

_"Shit babe, are you alright?" Shannon asked as she tried unsuccessfully to stop laughing and rolled off him. _

_"Wanna kiss it better?" he asked her with a sly grin._

_"Ha, you wish," she said but gave him a light kiss on the lips before standing up and holding her hand out to him. He grabbed it and tried to pull her down but she was strong enough to stay standing. _

_"Are you really denying me sex?" he said in shock._

_"On the living room floor I am," _

_"Tacky?" he said as he scrunched his nose up._

_"Very," she said pulled him to his feet. _

_"You're beautiful," he said looking into her eyes. She laughed and hit his shoulder playfully._

_"You don't have to try and seduce me, I was joking about no sex," _

_"I know you were. But you are beautiful," he smiled as he kissed her._

_"When did you get all mushy Senior Sergeant?" _

_"About vodka number three," he laughed as he pushed her towards his room._

_"I love you," he said seriously as they collapsed on the bed._

_"I love you too," she replied smiling._

* * *

><p>Lawson was pulled from his thoughts when he felt Shannon's head drop onto his shoulder. He gently moved her head onto the pillow before grabbing some pj's for her to put on.<p>

"Shan, wake up," he said as he shook her shoulder.

"I'm so tired, just wanna sleep," she mumbled and turned over.

"I know, but you need to get changed, you'll sleep better," he said gently. He handed her the clothes, expecting her to go to the bathroom but instead she peeled off the top she was wearing. Lawson turned to leave so she could get changed but she quietly started talking to him.

"I haven't slept for two days, I'm so tired," she said as she leaned back on the bed, still having not gotten changed. Lawson walked back towards her, seeing her small body shaking from the cold. He hadn't realised that she had lost weight, she had already been so tiny.

"Why didn't you call me?" he asked, frowning as he pulled the shirt over Shannon's head.

"You were grumpy, you needed sleep too," she laughed and said "grumpy" again.

"Grumpy with me,"

"No, not grumpy, just worried. You stopped coming over,"

"I was avoiding," she said loudly, something Lawson knew she would never admit sober. He sat back down next to her on the bed and rubbed her back.

"He hurt me," she started rambling.

"He had his gun and a knife and I had nothing. But I fought Lawson I promise," she said desperately.

"I know you did," he said softly but desperately wanting to stop her talking.

"I kicked the knife out of his hands you know. Threw it over someone's fence in northcote. That was when he got off me and I ran away, he had to find the evidence," she said as her eyes sleepily started closing. And that's when Lawson realised what tonight had all been about. They'd been in Northcote half the day. He cursed silently in his head for not realizing sooner, she'd told him and it didn't even occur to him today.

"If I had just gone home earlier," she began.

"Shan, stop." Lawson said suddenly.

"Firstly, none of this was your fault. No matter what. And secondly, you are telling me all this because you're drunk. I know you aren't ready to tell me this. And as much as I want to know, you'll be really angry at both of us in the morning when you realize,"

"Mmmhmm" was all Shannon mumbled as she wrapped herself under the blankets. Lawson kissed her head and handed her some aspirin before he started to walk out.

"Where are you going bub?"

"I'm gunna be out on the couch ok? Just wake me up if you need anything,"

"Please stay," she whispered back. She saw him hesitate as he looked back at her.

"Oh, you're really angry with me," she said as she clumsily tried to untangle herself from the blankets and get up.

"Don't try and get up Shan, come on," he said as he pulled his shirt off and climbed in next to her. He flicked the light off as he felt Shannon cuddle up next to him and he pulled her closer.

"I really do want to tell you," she whispered to Lawson.

"I know," he said sadly as he ran his hand up her arm, slowly feeling her relax and fall into a deep and what Lawson hoped would be a nightmare free sleep.

* * *

><p>It was just after 1pm when Shannon finally awoke, feeling the cold emptiness of the bed next to her. She looked at the clock and could hear Lawson busily clattering plates in the kitchen.<p>

"Ergh," she groaned as she felt her stomach churn with a mixture of tequila and regret. She closed her eyes again and remembered snipits of the night before.

"Shit," she swore loudly as she recalled telling Lawson they should have sex but couldn't remember what happened after that. She crawled out of bed and walked slowly into Lawson's shower, peeling off her clothes. She looked at her back where the knife marks had turned into scars and instantly turned away. She hated looking at them. The constant reminder of what had happened, burnt into her skin. Using the loud running water to block Lawson from hearing, she threw up repeatedly, the bile in her stomach burning her esophagus. She quickly changed into her uniform, silently great full they were doing a night shift.

"Hey," she said as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hi," he replied, not turning around from the sink. His shoulders were hunched and his body tense. Shannon could tell he was pissed off.

"I'm glad you're up before I left, I made some pasta you can have later, it's in the fridge,"

"Oh," Shannon said in surprise. She frowned at the fact she was having a conversation with Lawsons back.

"I um, I don't have my car I left it at Stella's so is it ok if I catch a lift to work?" she felt a bit ridiculous asking him but she knew he was angry with her. She suddenly had his full attention as he turned around and stared at her, already in her dark TR pants and tshirt.

"You aren't going to work," he said adamantly.

"Yes, I am. We start in an hour,"

"No way, you're probably still drunk," he said bitterly. Shannon felt like she had been slapped in the face.

"It's fine, I guess I'll just catch a cab back to Stella's," she said as she avoided Lawson's eyes and walked to his room to grab her bag. She was furious with him and she wasn't even sure why. She deserved what he had said. He followed her in and put his hand on her shoulder but she flinched away from him feeling her breath quicken and anxiety begin to rise.

"Don't touch me," she said pretendingly calmly to him as she continued to haphazardly throw clothes into her bag.

"I am just concerned about you and I don't think you can come to work today," he said lightly.

"Can you stop being senior Saregent Blake for ten minutes and just be my god damn boyfriend?" she angrily yelled.

"I can't let you work when I know you're in an impaired state Shannon, it would be irresponsible,"

"Right, I forgot you're Mr responsibility. You can give me a bloody breath test when we get to work because I'm going,"

"Fine," he yelled back, knowing how stubborn she was and realizing he wasn't going to convince her to change her mind. "I'm having a shower then we're leaving," he said as he stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door. Shannon sat down on the bed and rubbed her head. She had a throbbing headache and felt like she had been run over by a semi trailer. This day could not end quickly enough.

Twenty minutes later they were traveling to work in an awkward silence.

"Can you eat something before we get to work please?" Lawson asked Shannon indicating the rice cakes and banana he had forced into her hands as they left the house.

"Fine," she said picking at the rice cakes and eventually eating two.

"Happy?" she said sarcasticaly.

"What do you reckon?" he said angrily.

As they pulled into base Lawson opened his mouth to speak but Shannon had already jumped out of the car and walked away.

"Shit," he said as he got out of the car and followed her inside. As the teams hovered around the locker room chatting lightly as they finished changing, Lawson made his way to the storage room. He rummaged through the shelves searching for the breathalyzer machine which he eventually found behind a set of gas masks.

"What are you doing?" Kerry asked him as he turned around. She was standing in the doorway and looked less than impressed.

"Ah, nothing," Lawson said in the least guilty tone he could muster.

"What is it you would need a breathalyzer for then?"

"Just you know, restocking,"

"Bullshit, the cars were restocked two days ago,"

He stood there awkwardly trying to think of the best way to talk himself out of it.

"I just want to make sure, in the wake of Michael's death that everyone is staying focused,"

"Because you know they haven't been," she replied.

"There was a lot of drinking that happened last night, am I right?" she continued.

"How do you know?"

"Wild guess. Leon looks like shit and now I see you sneaking around with that, I can only assume,"

Kerry looked at Lawsons slumped shoulders. He looked awful.

"Were you at the party too? You look like shit,"

"No," he replied defensively, "I just had to pick Shannon up," he said without really thinking it through.

"Great," Kerry said sarcastically realizing Stella wasn't the only one she needed to have a serious chat with.

"I will take this," she said grabbing the RBT device from Lawson and walking out.

As she walked into the locker room everyone fell silent.

"Right, you and you," she indicated at Stella and Shannon, "my office,"

"Christian & Charlie in TR1 and Lawson & Josh in TR2. These guys will join you out on the grid later," she said. Everyone remained silent, stunned at her angry voice.

"What, did you want a bloody written invitation to start work?"

Everyone quickly jumped up and hurridly gathered their things. Shannon and Stella walked towards Kerry's office and Charlie began to follow.

"Charlie, are you deaf? Out on the grid! That goes for you too Lawson. This is not a matter that concerns either of you,"

Charlie began to protest, insisting he be kept up to date on what he called 'the Stella situation'.

"You have your orders Charlie, now piss off," she said getting increasingly more angry. Lawson recognized the fuse about to blow and turned on his heel, walking to TR.

"Everything ok?" Josh asked as he started the car.

"Fine. Let's go,"

Kerry walked back to her office as Charlie angrily stalked off, frustrated at being overruled once again. There was something else going on here, and he was determined to find out what.

Kerry firmly shut the door and walked behind her desk, looking intently between them the two officers in front of her. Stella looked to the side, avoiding her gaze but Shannon stared directly back into the eyes of her boss.

"Right you two, what the hell happened last night?"

* * *

><p><strong>HELLO WORLD. YES I AM STILL ALIVE. Im not happy with a good chunk of this chapter and it has taken me forever to write. I really need other authors to update their ShannonLawson stories because I'm getting really sick of reading mine all the time and with a lack of rush in my life any more I'm driving myself insane haha. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and the little flash back for something different. The flashback meant I didn't get as far with the present time story but I felt if I kept writing this chapter it would be too long and drag on which I kinda feel it has done anyway. A bit like this authors note. Please give me feedback, the cute new little review box is very pretty, do put it to use! Is my story getting old? Let me know and I'll either stop writing or I dunno...wrap it up or whatever.**

**Also, I know it kinda seems like Lawson is being a prick but understand, he is really upset and he cant really talk to anyone about it and he doesn't know the full story. He doesn't know about the photos or that shannon knows who it was so he just has all this anger and no place for it to go. Yet. Poor lawson. **

**In regards to your questions about my travel! I've been to the following countries, in this order;**

**Home town of lovely Melbourne, singapore, Turkey, England, France, monaco, Switzerland, Italy, vatican city, Austria, Hungary, Slovakia, Poland, czech republic, Germany, Netherlands, Belgium, back to England, Scotland, wales, Ireland which is where I currently am! Hooray! Anyway, let me know if I've stopped off in your home town or if you want to see pictures or stalk my adventures I'm on twitter stevo_em so feel free to find me!**

**PS. Sorry for any typos, sometimes my ipad just completely changes words. Biggest pain ever!**


	16. Fix you

**This chapter hasn't been updating for some reason, I hope it has worked!**

**Read the previous chapter, it has been so long you no doubt have forgotten the story line! A/N at the bottom! Totally don't own rush. xx**

_**previously;**_

Kerry firmly shut the door and walked behind her desk, looking intently between them the two officers in front of her. Stella looked to the side, avoiding her gaze but Shannon stared directly back into the eyes of her boss.

"Right you two, what the hell happened last night"

* * *

><p>Neither Shannon nor Stella said anything, an awkward tension filling the room.<p>

"Well come on. Which one of you is going to explain why four of my staff members have turned up to work this afternoon looking like they've either consumed half a brewery of alcohol or they want to?" Kerry said.

"Won't happen again Kerry," Shannon said simply and stood up.

"As I explained to Lawson, I am happy to take a breath test as I'm sure Stella is, to prove we are fit for work. As long as we pass, I see no reason to investigate this in any more detail as anything that may have happened last night is a personal matter than I don't particularly wish to go into," she said in one breath.

"Well I'm glad you seem to have found your voice Sergeant," Kerry replied emphasizing the rank sarcastically.

"Now we've established 'it was a personal matter' I can reinforce that you are both above this shit. You need to go back to your counsellor," she indicated to Stella.

"And you need to find one," she said as she turned to Shannon, "and you both need to stop trying to fix your problems with booze because I can guarantee it doesn't fix a damn thing," she said, now having changed to anger over her passive aggressive tone.

"Is that clear?" she yelled.

"Crystal," Shannon whipped back. She was cranky, hungover and upset and the last thing she felt like today was arguing with her boss.

"You going to give us the breath test or not?" she asked abruptly. Kerry snatched the test up, pulling the plastic wrap off the mouthpiece.

"Just one stea..." she began.

"I'm a cop, I know how a bloody breath test works," Shannon said dryly. She blew into the machine, finding herself struggling as her recent pneumonia bout became a very painful reality again.

"Stop," Kerry said in a slightly softer tone, seeing Shannon's face flash in pain.

As the machine beeped, the green numerals 0.00 flashed across the screen and Shannon tried desperately to ignore her overwhelming desire to cough. But the sensation was burning her lungs and she was forced to splutter out a desperate cough as she gave a gasp for oxygen.

"Are you ok?" Kerry asked with sudden concern. Maybe she had been too hard, but she wanted Shannon to see her recklessness and the impact it was having.

"I'M FINE," she spat out.

"Was it clear?" continued, indicating the test.

"Yes," Kerry responded.

"Good, I'll meet you in the intel room then Senior," she said to Stella, before turning on her heel and walking straight out the door.

Kerry replaced the mouthpiece and Stella breathed into it, continuing to hold her breath as she waited for the result. 0.00 again flashed across the screen and she exhaled the air from her lungs in relief.

"When is your next counselling appointment?" Kerry then asked expectantly.

"Tomorrow," Stella replied.

"Good, make sure you go,"

"Yep. Anything else?" she asked, meeting Kerry's worried expression.

"Are you sure you're ok to work today?"

"Yes, I'm good,"

"Is Shannon?"

"She'll be fine," she answered diplomatically.

"Alright, you can go," Kerry replied as Stella slowly walked out of her office and towards the intel room.

"Fuck," she swore loudly as she tried to work out what to do. She slowly walked to the hidden safe in her office, pulling out Shannon's iPhone from its depths. The battery had gone flat so she plugged it into her computer, waiting for it to start. Kerry had been in too much shock to look at the photos in detail last time but she knew she had to get the evidence off the phone at some point; Shannon had been asking her for it back.

As the phone lit up with the apple start screen Kerry stared at it, waiting for it to load. The buzz of messages filled the office as the texts and missed calls began to register. Kerry saw only the brief flash of the first one from someone saved in Shannon's phone as 'Fuckwit' which she could see said _'you can't hide from me, you wound up bitch_.' Kerry gasped in shock. Almost as soon as she had finished reading it, the message preview had disappeared replaced with the messages (3) icon which gradually rose to 47. She unlocked the phone and her hand hovered over the message button. She decided against reading the texts, they were none of her business. Surely Shannon would have said something if she had known who raped her. Wouldn't she?

The photos finished uploading and Kerry felt a surge of anger as she saw the images in detail for the first time. The smeared blood on Shannon's back, the cuts and abrasions that wrapped around her body, the scratches that covered her hand and wrist. She abruptly stood up, sending her chair flying into the wall behind her in fury.

* * *

><p>"Can I take the rest of my staff now or do you still need them for whatever secret club you seem to have formed?" Charlie asked as he burst through the door of Kerry's office later in the afternoon, not bothering to knock.<p>

"What I need MY staff for is actually none of your business Senior Sergeant. Now, I want everyone assembled in the locker room at 6, I want to discuss the training we have lined up for the next month and who goes to which of these Professional Development seminars next week," she replied as she picked up the freshly printed documents in her hand. The last thing she needed was Charlie bloody Lewis strutting around like he owned the joint; annoying her and pissing off an already highly strung Lawson.

"I'll do seminar allocation, that's my job," he said abruptly, snatching the papers from her hand and quickly exiting her office.

Kerry rolled her eyes as his retreating back as she muttered to herself.

"Thank god, I hate it,"

* * *

><p>When 6pm rolled around everyone slowly filed into the locker room. Shannon had avoided going in early, wanting to avoid Lawson's angry eyes though it seemed he had much the same idea as her and they walked in at the same time. He remained standing next to Charlie, sending unhappy looks at the team.<p>

"Right everyone," Kerry began as she walked in.

"I realise Michael's death is still fresh in everyone's minds and it is affecting you all differently. I urge all of you to go and speak to someone about it. You all know we have free and anonymous services to help you so please make the most of them. There is nothing weak about asking for help and if there is anything I can do for any of you please come and see me. My door is always open. Metaphorically. If it is shut, please knock before bursting in," she said glaring at Charlie and causing Christian to stifle his laughter with a cough earning him a death stare from the senior Sergeant.

"Now onto other matters. We need to lift our game, I know you are all still dealing with everything and if you need some time off it's not a problem, just put it in writing or come and talk to me. But if you are going to show up to work, you need to be here on time, and ready to work as a team. So, having said that, in the next couple of weeks we will be doing a team building exercise and I expect you all to give it everything,"

"Hang on, we haven't discussed this," Charlie suddenly spoke up.

"I know, that is because you are part of the team and I get to choose what the team building exercise is. Leon and Amber will join you six for an afternoon of circus skills," she continued as a loud chatter immediately erupted from the group.

"Please tell me this is your idea of a joke," Charlie said to her.

"That's enough everyone," she said as everyone fell silent.

"No joke. No one can bail because I won't tell you when we are doing until the morning of the day. Everyone clear?" she asked sharply.

A general mumble of agreement shot through the group as Kerry quickly pressed on.

"Excellent. We also have your firearms renewal training out in Whittlesea, hand to hand combat and covert operations in the next month and next week you all have various seminars to attend. On that note, Charlie will give you the details. You need to fill out your paperwork and evaluations on the day and hand them back to him. He has kindly volunteered to do all the organising for this so take it away senior sergeant," she said with a note of finality.

It was Lawson this time who stifled a laugh. He hated doing paperwork and he knew the seminars were a killer for registration, allocations and follow up evaluations. Charlie, never having been around for a TR seminar week obviously didn't know this when he volunteered. It would take him weeks to catch up on the paper work, a thought which made Lawson smile smugly to himself. His good mood didn't last long though as Charlie read out the list.

"Right, as you know these seminars are vital for..."

"Charlie, we know. We have all been in TR a lot longer than you have. Just tell us what our PDs are about," Stella interrupted much to his annoyance.

"Don't interrupt," he began but could see he was losing their attention rapidly.

"Fine. You cannot swap your seminar. There would be no point allocating them otherwise. Stella and Christian you are going to a negotiation techniques workshop, Shannon and Josh your seminar will be on violent crimes and Lawson and I are going to leadership in the force," Lawson's stomach dropped. Violent crime. Of all the seminars for her to be going to that was the worst possible one, and he wasn't even going to be there with her. This day was going from bad to worse.

"Right, I'm staying here to do this paper work. Shannon and Josh you're in TR1, Lawson, Stella and Christian TR2,"

"No, you can't swap," Charlie muttered as he walked out, seeing the team about to protest.

"Well come on everyone, we've wasted enough time let's go," Lawson said in a biting tone and walking out.

"What is up his arse?" Christian voiced out loud.

"Nothing," Shannon snapped and followed him out.

"Is she withholding sex he seems..." Christian began to say with a laugh.

"Just shut up, he's shitty with me not her. I'm driving loser," she said sprinting out of the room, successfully pulling his attention away.

"Oi," he yelled and followed her out.

"Children," Josh said and rolled his eyes strolling out casually behind them. He could see Lawson trying to speak to a disinterested Shannon,

"I don't want you going to that one," Josh could hear him say.

"Well it isn't your call and it would look weird if I don't. Besides I want to be a cop and that is part of what we deal with. I am fine with it. Just get over it and don't tell me what to do," she whispered back. Shit, he thought, Lawson really was in the doghouse.

Stella locked herself in the car and had her face pressed up against the glass, pulling faces at Christian.

"Grow up you two, let's go," Lawson said as he moodily yanked his door open and slammed it shut. Christian climbed in the back mouthing 'sexually frustrated' at Stella in the mirror. 'Shut up,' she mouthed back as she pulled out of the base.

"Ah, I think I could do with a drive," Josh said, gently pulling the keys from Shannon's hands which he could see were slightly shaking. She was doing a fairly good job at trying to cover it, but he could see she was upset.

He never bothered her or questioned her about anything, understanding she just needed some space. It wasn't until they stopped for dinner he left her in the car, grabbing her a focaccia and mineral water he decided to mention anything.

"Don't tell Lawson, I bought you dinner," he said with a wink.

"Oh, you mean you value your life?" she asked him.

"Yep," he replied. "He has been very defensive about you lately,"

"Yeah well, you know Lawson," she said trying to brush it off.

"Yeah, I do," was all he said before the radio crackled with another job.

"Guys, a domestic in Port Melbourne, reports of 2 kids stuck in the middle of waring parents. 8 year old son called the cops," Leon said loudly.

"Great," Shannon said with a cringe.

"Let's go. I'm driving," Josh replied as he grabbed the keys again.

By the time they had arrived the other TR team and the GD officers had already de escalated the situation. And so they headed off to another job at a local pub, full of rowdy football fans.

They pulled into base as their shift was about to finish silently heading to the change rooms. Shannon changed quickly and gathered her bag, wondering whether she should wait for the other TR car to come back or if they had already been and gone. She wanted to see Lawson, but definitely didn't want to start a fight with him here.

"See ya josh," she said as she headed out.

"Later. Go and sleep, you look like shit," he replied.

"Thankfully, I still look better than you!" she laughed back at him.

"That cut me deep Henry,"

"Yeah yeah," she continued as she walked out into the cold night air.

* * *

><p>Shannon pulled up outside Lawson's dark house. It was 3:30am and she could feel her eyes burning with tiredness. She desperately wanted to sleep, but she knew Lawson would want to talk. She had to fix things with him and she didn't care how tired she was at that point, she needed her relationship to be ok; because everything else was turning to shit.<p>

"Lawson," she called out as she walked inside. But as silence met her words it confirmed her suspicions that they had beaten the other TR back to base.

"Shit," she said out loud, rubbing her head. Maybe she should just go back to her house. But that meant not speaking to Lawson and they'd had both had an awful shift. He had been in an foul mood all night and she knew it was her fault. And honestly, she was too exhausted to leave. Shannon turned off all but one light as she walked to the bedroom grabbing her phone as she lay in the darkness.

_'Hey. Are you going to be home soon? It's been a bad night and I really want to talk. Only if you want to. I'm really sorry about what I said yesterday and the whole tequila thing. I love you. Shan xx' _.

She hit the send button and pulled the covers around her, trying desperately to warm up. She was clinging to her phone, waiting for a reply with her eyes closed. Hugging Lawson's pillow, sleeping mostly on his half of the bed, a wave of tiredness washed over her. She fell asleep without even realising, her phone dropping from her hands onto the other side of the bed.

Lawson read the messages twice before hitting reply. He could almost feel Shannon's anxiousness in her text.

_'I am just leaving work now, we got stuck in Fitzroy. I will come to yours and we can chat. Maybe sleep first. I'm sorry too, I love you honey xx'_

But Shannon had long since fallen into a deep, troubled slumber and slept through the soft vibrating of the message. Lawson obsessively checked his phone every 2 minutes as he got changed and made his way to Shannon's. Her flat was pitch black when he pulled up, the facade only illuminated by the soft glow of the street lights. Fumbling with his keys in the darkness he managed to open her door and stepped inside.

"Shannon," he said loudly, not wanting to startle her with his appearance. He walked around her lounge and kitchen seeing no signs of his girlfriend. He searched through her flat for her and ended up in her bedroom. He used the glow of his phone, not wanting to wake her up by turning on the bright bedroom light, but quickly saw the perfectly made bed and flicked it on.

He felt his heart beat accelerate, where was she? Pulling his phone out he rang Shannon, as he sat down on the bed.

"_Hi, you've reached Shannon Henry_," the voicemail began. Lawson hung up in frustration. He debated just staying and waiting for her but maybe she had bailed on the idea of talking and was avoiding him.

He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. He felt inadequate. That was the only word he could think of to describe it. No matter how hard he tried, he felt like nothing he could do could help Shannon. And it hurt like hell. Lying back on the bed he shut his eyes and considered falling asleep. But he had promised Shannon no pressure and if she didn't want to talk to him, camping out at her place probably wasn't the best way to fix things.

He walked back out of her room making his way to the front door and pulling it shut, ensuring it was locked securely.

"Senior Sergeant," a voice said behind him, causing him to swivel around quickly in alarm. But as he saw Shannon's elderly neighbour standing there he quickly relaxed.

"Mrs Henderson," Lawson responded surprised. "It's very early for you to be out isn't it?"

"Not at all dear, I don't know how many days I have left. I may as well use all of the ones I do. Anyway, I'm off to my daughters house in Sydney for the week, spend a bit of time with the grandkids. Heading to the airport for one of those early morning budget flights," she smiled warmly at him.

Lawson knew his girlfriend had a soft spot for her neighbour. The old woman had somehow wormed her way in to Shannon's life, something which surprised Lawson given the way Shannon carefully guarded her heart.

"Did you need a lift?" Lawson asked politely.

"Oh no thank you dear, you are much too busy off saving people. I'm just heading out to wait for my taxi. Oh and I almost forgot," she trailed, heading back towards her flat.

"This is Shannon's mail. It has been gathering in her letter box. Now I know you have very difficult jobs but she has been working much too hard lately, I have hardly seen her and when I do, the poor girl looks exhausted," Lawson attempted to say something however was interrupted but the old lady's continuing speech.

"I tried to drop the mail over the last couple of days but she never seems to be home,"

"It's just been a difficult few months at work," he replied meeting her eyes. She was gazing back expectantly at him waiting for him to continue.

"We lost a team member," he sighed.

"Oh, dear," she said sadly and patted his shoulder gently.

"Sometimes it's the saddest events that help us understand how important the people we love are to us," she continued.

"You know, she won't wait forever. She loves you very much, I do hope you will propose soon," she smiled up at him as she grabbed her bag and began to walk up the driveway.

"Let me," Lawson said as he wheeled her bag for her trying to fill the awkward silence.

"Do you think you could ask Shannon to collect my mail for me during the week?"

"Yeah, no worries," he assured her.

"What exactly are you doing sneaking out of her apartment at 5:30 in the morning?" she asked as though it had just occurred to her how odd their meeting was.

"Oh, we had a night shift and I wanted to see Shan, but she hasn't got home yet. Guess I just beat her,"

"Silly girl is a workaholic," she replied sternly and gave Lawson a scrutinizing glare before her face softened into a smile.

"Well, it has been a pleasure as usual, if I can help Shannon do let me know, I care about her an awful lot,"

"Actually, there may be one thing. Have you noticed any strange people hanging around here lately?"

"No, why? Is she in trouble," she said apprehensively.

"No," Lawson reassured her quickly. The last thing he needed was to give Shannon's 75 year old neighbour a heart attack.

"It's just we work different shifts sometimes and I can't always be here. And well, I worry about her because our job can sometimes be dangerous but she would freak out if she thought I was checking up on her every time I called. So if you see anything strange do you think you could let me know?"

"Say no more officer," she said kindly.

Lawson dug around his pockets for a business card and handed it to her.

"And when you come back please call me. Shannon or I would be happy to pick you up from the airport. And if you do catch a cab somewhere please wait inside until it arrives. It's not a good idea to stand all alone when it's so dark,"

"Thank you for your concerns. I can see why you are an excellent police officer. And a lovely suitor for Shannon," she said as the cab pulled up.

"Have a good trip," Lawson said as he helped her into the cab.

* * *

><p>Lawson pulled into his drive way at 5:50am, long after he had intended to be home. He was on auto pilot as he parked in his garage, wandered through his house and dumped his bag and shoes in the entrance way. Wearily flicking on the light of his bedroom his eyes widened in shock as he saw Shannon lying sprawled on the bed, a soft whimper escaping her lips. She was obviously having another nightmare. As Lawson stood at the door, unsure of what to do, his girlfriends nightmare grew in intensity. It was then he realised that flicking on the light had triggered something; had made it worse. He turned the light off quickly but put the smaller bedside lamp on to help orientate Shannon when she did wake up.<p>

"Please get off me, I promise I won't tell anyone. Please," she whimpered again. It was a panicked, vulnerable voice. She was reliving everything again and Lawson suddenly felt like he was right there with her. He was disgusted. She had been in such fear of her life she had actually begged him with a promise of silence. Tash had told him waking her up in a nightmare might not be the best thing, it could make things worse. But sitting on the bed next to her he couldn't bear it anymore.

"Shannon, wake up," he said loudly. "Please wake up," he continued desperately as she struggled even more. She seemed to have more resolution and fight.

"Fuck off you unrighteous pig," she screamed and hit the air wildly.

"Shannon, it's Lawson. Wake up. It's over, you're safe and it's just a dream. Come on Shannon," he said in despair and stroked her face gently. The contact seemed to wake her up and she took a swing at him. Luckily he was prepared and quickly moved away from the bed, ducking in time for her to miss.

"It's ok, it's just me," he said to her as she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Breathe," he said again as Shannon seemed to fully realise where she was. And then that he was here.

"Fuck," Shannon said in embarrassment and quickly turned away, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Lawson quickly realised she was trying to flee and began to make his way over to her as she began to stand.

The exhaustion from the nightmare had obviously taken more of a toll on her than she realised as her shaky legs buckled beneath her.

"Woah," he said as she fell into his arms.

"No running," Lawson whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. It took her several seconds to relax in his arms, taking deep breaths to help steady herself.

"Wait," she said trying to pull away from him, her muscles tightening with tension again. Lawson however had other ideas and kept his hold on her tight.

"Can you let go so I can sit down?" she said softly.

"Only if you don't flee the building," he half-joked as he sat down beside her and grabbed her hand.

"Lawson, just stop for a minute," Shannon said pulling her hand away and moving over slightly.

"We were fighting yesterday and now we suddenly aren't?" she continued.

Lawson looked awkwardly at the floor before opening his mouth and then closing it again.

"So what, now we aren't going to talk about it? Because you were pretty keen to yesterday," Shannon challenged.

"Fine, let's talk," he flared quickly, not even realising that Shannon had baited him into starting the conversation.

"Why do you always have to push me away? Act like everything is alright when it so obviously isn't? Do I really mean so little to you that you don't want to let me help you deal with this?"

"Oh please Lawson, do you know how hard it was for me to even tell you? And before you interrupt it's not because I don't love you or trust you. I knew what this would do to you. It's because you are the most moral, positive, emotionally guarded person I know. You take things personally. You invest so much in following the law and being a cop I mean, your name has the frieken word in it. Your world is divided into right and wrong and consequences. And you know what? I thought mine was too. But I can't report this and I know you don't get that because you are this calm, alpha male with a super intense protective complex who's found answers in the police force. But now I'm a cop on the other side and all it has given me more questions and I don't know where the fuck to get the answers,"

Lawson stood there looking down at her, stunned, when she finished her rant as she tried to catch her breath. When did she get to completely understand the way he worked.

"Did you think a bottle of tequila held the answers?" he suddenly challenged.

"Last night wasn't about finding answers Lawson, it was about trying to forget the questions," she said staring up at him, he could see regret lingering in her eyes.

He sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted. I know I get over protective and it gives you the shits but I just..." he stopped, his words getting lost.

"You just?" she asked him.

"You are the single most important person in my life. And I know you are strong and independent but you're right. I'm a complete alpha male control freak. More to the point I'm completely in love with you and even the thought of someone hurting you makes me angrier than I have ever been in my life. And I feel completely incapable because I don't know how to help you,"

She sighed deeply and rubbed her head and Lawson edged closer to her.

"The drinking night was stupid. Before I told you, told anyone, Stella and I got drunk every night using the pretence of Michael dying. Which was part of it too. But mostly, when I get completely wasted, the nightmares aren't as bad,"

"Tonight was bad hun. Drinking yourself into oblivion won't fix this,"

"I know," she replied simply.

"Good. I still want to talk about the seminar though. Does this mean we're not fighting now?"

"Are you still angry?" she asked him.

"Not at you," he paused briefly when he saw her eyes shining with tears he knew she was holding back, "so if we aren't fighting, is it now ok with you for us to cuddle?" Lawson continued giving her a lopsided grin.

She gave him a small laugh and rolled her eyes at him.

"Yes loser, you can give me a hug," she said even though he had already wrapped his arms around her.

"Sleep?" she whispered in his ear.

"I'll just get changed, be back in a minute," he responded before kissing her on the cheek and standing up.

Ten minutes later, both of them had changed and Lawson climbed in beside Shannon.

"I just got your text," she said to him as he ran his hand up her arm.

"Did you really go to my place?"

"Well yeah," he said awkwardly.

"I ran into Mrs Henderson," he told her with a grin, "she is going to Sydney so you're her mail collector for the week,"

"Mmmk," she mumbled in response, and Lawson knew she was tired.

"Love you toots," he said as she turned over and felt the warmth of his arms envelope her.

"Love you too lover boy," she replied and gave a chuckle.

2 minutes later they had both drifted off into the realms of sleep, the intense conversation playing on both of their minds.

* * *

><p><strong>Well HELLO strangers! <strong>

**I mean that literally. I'm officially back in Australia! hooorayy. I had an amzeballs time but now it is back to reality. sigh. **

**On the plus side, it means I can go back to laptop not iPad typing. So hopefully, fewer awkward typos. A few little things about this chapter. I started writing it in Ireland the day I finished the last one and it has literally taken me this long. It just kind of kept going and going...and was much too long so I cut it back a bit but it is still the longest chapter but everything I put in was fairly important. mostly anyway!**

**I hope you like the chapter. What do you all think of Mrs Henderson? Seems random but she will be important later. maybe. muhhaahaha. I shall give you no more hints. Unless you can guess, then go nuts.**

**All the info and stuff I have about Lawson (and Shannon) was in their original descriptions on the channel website so if any other writers want their background info just let me know and I'll be happy to send it to you.**

**Thank you for your feedback, both on this story and my other one shot! If you haven't left reviews please do, it makes things easier to know you are writing for someone other than yourself; no need to be scared of it! **

**thanks again friends!**

**Em :)**


	17. Let Me Love You

**Good evening everyone! Here is a little update before I head to work. I've been working full time for the last month trying to get back all that money I spent so I've had very little time to do any writing. Hope you like the chapter. It has a sort of mature part in it but if you watch the show you should be fine as it's mostly implied. Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter and kirst92 for making me put some effort into finishing the chapter...**

**Some new characters, let me know what you think! Pretty please review. Makes me feel good about life haha. And write more because I feel like people other than me care.**

* * *

><p>Shannon wearily opened her eyes, feeling Lawson's arms tightly wrapped around her. It was the third time she had woken up in the last hour having restlessly tossed and turned, waking Lawson up with her. But every time he had kissed her and pulled her close to him, reassuring her with his words and warmth. This time however, he was still sleeping and she carefully extracted herself from his arms.<p>

Very gently she put one of her pillows in his arms and grabbed the other, walking out to the living room. Flicking on the mindless early morning TV she settled herself on the couch, bringing the blanket up under her chin and slowly falling asleep.

"Shan," Lawson mumbled as he opened his eyes. Seeing the bed empty next to him, his arms wrapped around a pillow instead of his girlfriend he frowned in confusion and rubbed his hands over his face.

Walking out of his bedroom he saw Shannon lying on the couch. He walked slowly over, unsure as to whether or not she was awake. Her eyes were shut but she was yawning in tiredness. Shannon however had obviously sensed he was there and peeked her eyes open.

"Care to tell me why you are sleeping on the couch?" Lawson asked her in a stern voice.

"I wanted you to get some sleep Laws. You were exhausted. And I was only going to keep waking you up. So I just thought it would be good..." Shannon was interrupted by Lawson.

"WE are a couple honey. Yes?" he asked her.

"Yeah, but..."

"But nothing. For better and worse and all that stuff,"

"We aren't married Lawson," she said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, but its good practice for when we are," he smiled back at her.

"So, you still want to marry me?" she asked.

"Mmmhmm," he mumbled and leant down to kiss her. She kissed him back eagerly and scooted forward on the couch. He sat down behind her and she leant back between his legs, her head resting against his torso. Pulling the blanket over them she shut her eyes.

"Are we really watching Dr Phil?" he asked, rubbing his thumb gently over her hand.

"Please no, I saw enough of it when I had to sit and home and do nothing,"

"Ah yes, the week of avoiding me," he replied. Shannon's cheeks flushed a deep red. She remembered telling him she was trying to avoid him when she was drunk so she couldn't even try and deny it.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"I was so scared I wasn't going to pass my evaluations to get back to work and I..."

"Should've talked to me about it?" he suggested to her. She wasn't sure what to say, instead just turning her head into his chest trying to bury her guilt and anxiety.

They lay on the couch for another hour, both drifting in and out of sleep but savouring their quiet moment together.

"So I wanted to ask you something," Shannon said running her hand over Lawson's.

"Ah, ok. That sounds ominous," he said resting his chin on her shoulder.

"My lease runs out in two months," she said hesitantly.

"Right," Lawson said back, not entirely sure where the conversation was heading.

"And the owners are moving back to Melbourne and so the property isn't going to be rentable anymore," she continued when he didn't say anything.

"So if you were serious about saving 100 bucks a week with me, well, I would like the next place I move into to be with you," she finished quickly.

"It'll be much harder to avoid me if we live together you know," he said seriously although Shannon could hear the edge of hope that laced his voice.

"I know, that is kinda the point," she said sarcastically.

"But do you think this is a good time, with everything that has happened in the last two months?" he pressed and instantly knew he probably shouldn't have said it.

"I knew I should have kept my mouth shut," she said and pulled away from him.

"No Shan, wait," he said and grabbed her arm pulling her back to him. He moved her onto his lap trying to reassure her. He could feel her heart rate had increased and she was trying to mask the pain on her face.

"I want us to live together, I just need to know that you're not making this decision because you feel like I pressured you or you need reassurance or something. Because you know I'm with you no matter what and if you want to wait..."

"That's the thing Lawson, I don't want to wait. I mean I am kind of scared, I haven't done this before but I think it's a really good idea and I really want to do this with you. Besides, it's good practice for when we're married," she teased.

"You're right," he agreed with a smile.

"Yeah, I usually am," she said in mock modesty.

Lawson gave a snort of laughter before planting a firm kiss on her lips.

"Well, that's what I like to let you think," he replied seriously.

"Take that back," she said as she lightly slapped him on the shoulder.

"Nope," Lawson said and started tickling Shannon lightly. Her laugh echoed through the room and it made Lawson's heart skip a beat. He was making her happy, which made him feel better than he had in months.

The moment was ruined however when his phone started ringing.

"Leave it," Shannon giggled as she kissed Lawson. But when it continued to chime, he gave in and answered, a smiling Shannon still sitting on his lap.

"Hello," he answered with a grin, reaching up to put a loose strand of Shannon's hair behind her ear.

"MARY," he sat up in alarm, shocking Shannon.

"Mary?" she mouthed at him, wondering who the random woman ringing her boyfriend was.

"Your mother," he mouthed back at her and she almost fell off the couch in surprise.

"What?" she exclaimed loudly.

"Er, how are you?" he asked her politely.

"I'm well Lawson how are you?" Mary replied, her voice now filtering through the lounge as Lawson put his phone on speaker.

"Ah, we're good," he said hesitantly.

"So my daughter is with you? I guess I can cancel the missing persons report then?" she replied sarcastically. There was no question of where Shannon got her sarcastic wit.

"Hello mother," Shannon said dryly.

"Oh and it speaks too," her mother continued.

"I've been meaning to call you," Shannon said guiltily.

"And yet here I am, calling your boss to get your boyfriends phone number because the last time I heard from you was the day of your friends funeral,"

"You called Kerry?" she responded in surprise.

"Of course I did Shannon, I know what you are like, something happens and you bottle everything up,"

"I'm fine Mum," she tried to reassure her.

"Fine or Shannon fine? Because they definitely are not the same thing," her mother says in a concerned voice.

At that Lawson gave a snort of laughter, but quickly replaced it with a sombre look as Shannon glared angrily at him.

"Hmmm," she said obviously not convinced.

"And what about you Lawson?" she asked, "are you okay?"

"Oh, um yeah, I mean yes, thank you" he replied almost nervously.

"You're a liar too," Mary replied knowingly, at which Shannon rolled her eyes.

"Ah, thanks mum. Can we not try and send my boyfriend running to the hills? I'd kind of like him to stay,"

"Me too, after some of the other people you've dated, I blame your father,"

"Anyway mum, how is Mitch?" she interrupted quickly wanting to change the subject so steering it towards her step father, knowing it would distract her mum.

They spoke for another ten minutes her mother only hanging up when Shannon agreed she would call her the next day.

"Well that was fun," Shannon said to Lawson.

"Why haven't you spoken to your mum? You guys are close, you should tell her what's been going on,"

"You mean tell her I was raped? She still works full time and she has Mitch and his business to worry about. It would just be getting another person involved, stressing her out and having to go through everything again,"

"I know that you are more important to her than anything else toots, just think about it," he said to her gently kissing her temple.

"I need to go for a run before I die of laziness,"

"Is that a..." Lawson began.

"Do not start Lawson. I had to pass a 5km run before I could go back to work. I just want to do a couple of kms. You can stay here lazing about on the couch or come with me, it's up to you,"

"I just don't want you to feel insecure when I beat you," he smiled trying to dig himself out of trouble.

"Stupid, arrogant, hovering man," she muttered under her breath but loud enough for Lawson to hear as she stood up and walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>They ended up running 4kms and both got back to his place in a much better mood than when they'd left.<p>

"Happy exercise hormones," Shannon said as she kissed him.

"You stink," he said smiling.

"Come on," she said pulling on his arm and walking into the bathroom. She started running the bath as Lawson disappeared, adding her favourite scented bubble bath to it. He returned a few minutes later with some candles, lighting them and placing them around the room.

"So many boyfriend brownie points," she smiled at him.

"Well you know me, I live to serve," he said in mock seriousness wrapping his arms around her waist. He leant down and kissed her lips, "I'll let you have your bath,"

"Wait," Shannon said as he pulled away.

"Stay," she continued.

"For a bath? Like a naked bath?," he strangled out, shifting uncomfortably and lowering his eyes.

"Well that is generally how it works,"

"Are you ok with that? You're ok with me seeing you?"

"Lawson," she raised her voice slightly, "how do you expect us to live together if you can't even look at me anymore?" She turned around facing the bath, trying to keep her emotions in check. A few stray tears leaked from her eyes.

He was horrified at how quickly things had gone downhill. Slowly walking up behind Shannon he rested his hands on her shoulders, hearing her breathe out and release some of the pent up tension.

"I could look at you all day," he told her and moved his hands down Shannon's arms.

"You're super hot," he said as he leaned down and kissed the nape of the neck. He saw the tears on her face and leant around, kissing their trace.

"I just can't deal with the thought of pushing you or doing anything that will heighten your anxiety,"

"I need us to start moving on from this Lawson. I feel like we are stuck in this black hole where all we talk about is my attack and work and then back to my attack and our relationship is suffering. I just need a little bit more normal so I don't feel so completely...shit," she told him.

"Just a bath?" he asked her hesitantly.

"I'm not asking you to marry me and father 10 kids, it is just a bath. A non sex, wash my hair, normal kind of bath. But you know what, don't even worry. Just go and watch football or whatever it is you want to do," she grumbled, completely fed up.

"10? Please...we should at least aim for a soccer team," he smiled slightly swaying on the spot.

"We are not having 10 kids. Or 11. Or 18 for an AFL team before you suggest it," she said untangling herself from his arms.

"Get in, the water is getting cold. I'm going to get some clothes and then WE can have a bath," he smiled.

Pulling her top off as Lawson walked out she looked at some of the marks on her back and cringed. Gingerly pulling the rest of her clothes off she sat in the bath, feeling her muscles relax in the hot water and shut her eyes.

"Don't fall asleep Shannon," Lawson said as he climbed in the other side of the bath, facing her.

"Enough bubbles?" he asked her, scooping a handful and blowing them towards her. She gave him a wicked smile and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"That smile is concerning," he said to her.

"Knew you would like them. My favourite," as she ducked her head under the water.

"What?" he said in alarm and smelt his hand.

"Oi," he said grabbing her ankle under the water. Shannon brought her head up, taking a deep breath in.

"You did that deliberately didn't you?" he accused.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said innocently.

"I'm going to smell like pomegranates for the rest of the day. You used pomegranate scented bubble bath,"

"You're going to get so much shit today," she smiled and moved up the other end beside him.

"I feel betrayed," he pouted.

"Ohh babe, I think you smell delicious," Shannon said as she moved her nose over his cheek. Looping his arm around her shoulders he gently hugged her.

"So beautiful," he smiled down at her and was surprised when he saw her face turn red.

"Are you blushing?" he asked.

"No...maybe," she smiled shyly back. Reaching forward she grabbed the shampoo bottle.

"I'll take that," Lawson said grabbing it from her hands.

"Oh, so you want to smell like pomegranate AND vanilla," she questioned.

He ignored her, squeezing a bit on his hands.

"Well now you've moved all the way over there I can't reach you," he admonished. She moved closer, settling herself between his legs as her back pressed against his torso.

"That is very close," he shifted slightly, "you aren't uncomfortable?" he asked worriedly. She had obviously decided that she wasn't going to respond to his badgering anymore instead resting her head on him. He gently massaged the shampoo into her scalp before moving his hands over her shoulders, his fingers gently tracing over the faint marks on her back.

"You are amazing," she mumbled sitting up slightly.

"Let's call in sick and just stay here doing this all day," she moaned slightly and washed the shampoo off.

She leaned back into Lawson's embrace as he wrapped her in his arms. They lay there in silence for a while until Shannon realised most of the bubbles had disappeared.

"Everything alright?" he asked her. She nodded, bringing her cheek against his.

"I feel very safe," she said quietly.

"Thank you for trusting me," he said trying to offer her some comfort.

"Thanks for loving me," she replied.

"Oh you are very loveable, I promise.

"Yes, I can feel you enjoying this naked bath," she said with a grin, raising her eyebrows.

Lawson seemed very embarrassed as he realised there wasn't anywhere he could go in the bath. Shannon climbed out slowly wrapping the towel around her.

"I'll leave you to it. You might need to add some cold water babe," she said with a smile.

"Ha ha," muttered sarcastically.

"Don't be all weird and embarrassed you big oaf. Makes me feel kind of good that you can look at me; all of me, and not feel totally put off ever touching me again,"

"How many times a day will I have to tell you that you're beautiful before you realise I never lie?" he asked.

"Hmmm, not sure. Keep telling me and I'll get back to you," she laughed as she walked out.

* * *

><p>"VKC to TR1, we have a potential domestic in progress in Hampton, reports of a shotgun. Caller was a child. Request you respond immediately,"<p>

"TR1 to VKC, we're about 10 minutes away,"

"We're in Sandringham, we'll be there sooner, meet you there," Lawson said over the radio as he flicked the lights and sirens on in TR2.

"Leon, can you get us some more info about this. Any priors at the address, weapons registered, anything," Lawson requested.

"Leon, what did the caller say? Did VKC say the it was a child?" Shannon asked from TR1.

"Yeah, I'm just getting the details now. Kid said her name was Harriet, screaming could be heard in the background. She said she was in the laundry with her little brother. We know that Harriet is 12 and her brother is 7 and she said that her mother's head was bleeding before the call was disconnected. Number was engaged when VKC tried to call back but the number is registered to 54 Vaucluse avenue Hampton,"

"Right Leon, keep trying to call back the number and find out what you can,"

As they pulled up a cautious distance away, Lawson could hear raised voices and the unmistakable sound of smashing glass followed by a loud female scream.

"Shit," he said as they took cover behind the car.

"Leon, get me a mobile number or something for him, I need to establish contact, I don't want to go in until I know what the deal with the kids is,"

"I have a mobile number here for Tim Walsh who is also the homeowner, just sending it through to you now,"

The phone rang out as the other TR car pulled up.

"Right, we need to focus on establishing contact and our number one concern is getting those two kids out. I'm going primary. Josh work out an entry plan, Christian and Stella I want vision, be discreet I don't want to set this guy off," Lawson quickly dished out orders. As the others quickly snapped into action Shannon glared at Lawson.

"Forget anyone?" she asked annoyed.

"No, I need you here to help me you're the secondary. If we get through to the kids, I want you to talk to them,"

"Isn't that more of a Christian job?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.

"No, you're a negotiator, it is your job," he snapped back, both of them starting to feel the bad night's sleep they'd been having clashing with the tension of their job.

"Am I speaking with Tim Walsh?" Lawson asked as the phone was suddenly answered.

"Who's this?" he yelled.

"My name is senior Sergeant Lawson Blake. I'm a police officer. Is everything ok?"

"Everything is fine, just a disagreement with my wife,"

"Well everyone has disagreements, but when the police are called it's a little more serious. Is your wife hurt?"

"She's fine, who the hell called you anyway,"

"Well Tim, you seem to be making a lot of noise that people nearby can hear. Now, my intel officer tells me you have two children, are they home?"

"Do you think I'd hurt my children? Stupid prick, I love my kids. That's why I'm doing this,"

"Ok, well we can talk about that in a minute but first I need you to let your kids and your wife come out here so you and I can talk about this,"

"NO," he yelled in response.

"They are my kids and no one, not her and sure as hell not you are going to take them away from me so piss off," he shouted before disconnecting the call.

"Shit," Lawson muttered as he ran his hand over his head in frustration.

"Lawson," Leon's voice came through the coms.

"What?" he snapped back.

"The girl in the house, Harriet," he continued.

"Yeah, what about her?"

"Well her Mum got the cut on her head because her dad threw the phone at her,"

"I don't see how that helps us Leon, she is a scared kid stuck in a house with an abusive father and we don't know how she is because as you have now reminded us, we can't communicate with her,"

"Actually, if you cared to listen to what I had to say then you'd know we can,"

"What?" he said, suddenly taken aback.

"She has her ipod with her. She sent her aunt an iMessage so, if you use your iphone, you can imessage her,"

"Great," he said shortly.

"Shan, you get on that," he continued as he continued making notes.

"Um," she said moving closer to him, "can I borrow your iphone?" she asked awkwardly.

"It's dead, why can't you use yours?"

"Kerry still has it, I asked her for it back but she hasn't had the chance yet," she responded quietly.

"God, what is she still doing with it, this is bloody important, " he commented angrily as he went to speak into the coms.

"Wait," she said and grabbed his arm.

"What?" he said shortly.

"I don't want this shared over coms Lawson, I don't want the team asking questions," she said quietly as she avoided his scrutinising glare. She regretted not having this discussion with him earlier, and it having to come up during a stressful work situation.

"What, you don't want me asking questions?" he blurted out. Shannon tried to keep her face from displaying the hurt she felt from the sting of his words.

"Let's just concentrate on the job, you can ask me as many questions as you like when we get home," she said before walking away towards Stella.

"Stel," she said walking towards where she was now covering the entrance of the house with her handgun.

"Do you have you iphone, we want to try and imessage the girl,"

"Yep, back pocket," she said as she kept her gun pointed at the house. Shannon reached into her pocket and grabbed the phone out as josh walked up to them.

"This looks fun," he winked at them with a grin.

"Piss off Josh," she snarled as walked back to where Lawson was standing, taking some deep breaths attempting to gain back some professional composure.

"Right, what's the number?" she asked Lawson as she began typing. He wrote it down on their negotiation communication pad as she punched it in and waited for a response. All they could do was wait now, listening to the crackles of the radio and intently watching to see a response from the newly set up cameras.

Glancing sideways at Shannon, he could tell she was upset, even if she was doing a good job of hiding it. Lawson knew he had probably gone too far in his moment of fear about what secrets the phone held. He ripped off a piece of paper from the note pad and looked around to make sure no one was watching.

**_Love you,_** he scribbled down and pushed it over to her.

She gave a small smile and took a deep breath before scribbling down a reply.

**_Lame_**, she wrote back with a grin and pushed it back.

He gave a small pout and looked at her.

"That was romantic Sergeant," he grumbled.

**_Kidding, Thank you. I love you too. Now, stop writing inappropriate notes and concentrate._**

He read the note with a smirk before giving her a sideways glance. She grabbed the note and folded it carefully, putting in her pocket.

"Ok, we have a reply," Shannon said opening the message, their minds quickly back on the precarious situation at hand.

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it! Please review...<strong>


	18. Fences

**HELLO!**

**I'm still alive, I know you probably thought I'd dropped off the face of the planet but I'm here! WITH AN ACTUAL UPDATE. It's short but it's to get me back into the swing of things hopefully! Check in on the some time around the end of September and I'll hopefully have something up! **

**It's been so long you really need to go back and read the last chapter for this to make sense...I did, several times!**

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><p><strong>2 hours later<strong>

"You look like shit," Josh said as he walked up behind Shannon nudging her with his elbow. She jumped back abruptly stepping on Lawson's foot.

"Jeez Josh," Shannon grumbled as she felt Lawson's hand steady her.

"We're ready to go," Josh continued as he gave Lawson a puzzled look.

"Right Shannon, make sure Harriet is aware what is going on. We're going to get those kids out,"

She grabbed the phone and started typing as Josh continued to look questioningly at lawson. He returned it with a don't ask look and directed his attention back to where Shannon was typing.

_Harriet, it's Shannon. Now, my friend Josh is going to come in through the roof duct you can see in there. And that's how we're going to get you out. I don't want you to be worried or scared, just do everything he says, ok? Do you have any questions for me?_

_**I'm scared Shannon.**_

_I know you are. But in 10 minutes we're going to have you out here safe, ok?_

**_And what about after that? What's going to happen to my mum and dad?_**

_I can't answer that Harriet. But it's going to be much easier for us to help them if we know that you guys are safe._

_**Okay, we're ready. Will you be there when we get out?**_

_Yes Harriet, I'll be waiting by the police cars ok? now take a deep breath and be brave. Can you do that?_

**Yep...**

"Alright Lawson we're good,"

"Ok Josh you in position?" He asked into the coms. Hearing two taps into his earpiece he gave Shannon a quick nod.

"Go, go, go," he said as loud music blasted from speakers outside the house. He knew they didn't have long to get the kids before he got an angry phone call about the music but they has to take the risk if they wanted to get them out safely.

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><p>It was over in an instant.<p>

Josh hauled the kids out of the house and they cleared the scene heading straight for Shannon. lawson went to check on them 10 minutes later after being on the receiving end of a verbal spat from Tim who, thankfully hadn't even seemed to notice the kids had been smuggled out.

He stared into the back of the ambulance and saw a small blonde child clinging to Shannon sobbing into her shoulder as a few tears ran down Shannon's face. Lawson fought the urge to rush in and comfort them both as Josh pulled him back towards the house.

"We need a plan. Now the kids are out we need to make a move or we will be here for days,"

"yeah," lawson agreed, "get Kerry and we'll get her to sign off on it,"

As the words escaped his mouth three loud gunshots rang out from inside the house followed by a loud scream from a child.

"Get the ambulance out of here" he yelled loudly as everyone gathered around him, preparing for the worst as they stormed the house.

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><p><strong>I KNOW it's short but hey better than nothing! Just trying to motivate myself to get back into it. If you want more let me know, please review!<strong>

**Em :)**


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